In the eyes of the revolver
by emmapaz
Summary: Post season 3 - Introduced with Alex, Aiden and a revolver. This fic delves into the tumultuous and dramatic world of the inmates in Litchfield Federal Prison, in particular Alex and Piper and the inconsistent rollercoaster ride that they call their relationship. Reviews and follows will be greatly appreciated!
1. Cause and effect

Alex can feel her heartbeat expanding her wet skin with every breath. Her sweat dribbles down her forehead as she is struck by fear. The greenhouse is clinical and the circumstances make it even more so.

Every paranoid thought, every accusation, every _damn_ time she was made to feel like she was going crazy. It was all for this. _This_ is why. _This_ is what she was afraid of. And _this_ is it. _This i_ s the end.

Alex, barely able to hold herself up, is shaking unbearably as she looks at the sinister smile on Aiden's face. The barrel of his gun holds her death so close she can smell it.

"I've been waiting so long to do this. You know, it was easier to get in here than you think. _Unlucky for you._ Vause, I always thought you were a smart girl, but when Kubra told me what you did to him, to the whole business..." - Aiden smirks. "You're just a pathetic little girl."

"Please don't. _Please_. Aiden. You don't have to do this."

"Vause, you've been in the game long enough to know what happens to snitches"

*BANG*

Aiden pulls the trigger, with the bullet just missing Alex's head. Various pots and gardening utensils smash to the ground with a noise that suppresses Alex's ability to hear adequately. Aiden laughs vindictively as Alex forgets how to breathe.

Images suddenly race through her mind.

Diane

Kubra

The drugs

And Piper

Oh god Piper.

What Alex would give to just be with Piper right now and forget all this. In times of fear, you forget about all the horrible things they've done. All the hurt and all the anger that you had embedded inside is lifted. Paris, the panty business, Stella, it doesn't matter anymore. She can't even say goodbye to the one girl that made her forget about all the bad she had ever done and gone through.

Alex snaps back into reality with Aiden sending off another shot even closer to Alex than the last one.

Alex's reality isn't with Piper. It's Aiden and a revolver.

Alex knows she can't die like this. It's not heroic, it's not courageous, it's not something you see out of a James Bond film. It's fearful and pitiful. But she can't help but be terrified. Even with the paranoia that was eating Alex alive, she still can't believe the situation she is in.

" _Aiden_. _Stop_ "- Alex pleads with every ounce of strength she has left.

"Goodbye Vause"

Alex instinctively launches herself at Aiden as she hears another bullet hurl through the barrel. She struggles to grab hold of Aiden's shirt but when she does, she slams him into the wall with a force she didn't know she had. She hears the sound of the gun again. Everything sounds distant. She ignores it and hits Aiden's face until her knuckles are red raw. The imprints of blood are speckled on Aiden's cheek. Once her knuckles can't take anymore, she turns for the door and begins to run.

Heaving already, Alex sprints outside.

She looks back in a hope to see nobody but indefinitely, she was wrong.

*BANG* *BANG* *BANG*

Shot's scatter above and beside Alex as Aiden starts chasing with the revolver ready in hand.

Alex forces herself to keep running despite the immense fear she is enduring and as she looks down, she sees blood seeping through her chest onto her prison uniform.

" _Fuck_ " Alex whispers to herself.

In the focus of looking at her wound, Alex trips and falls over the uneven pathway and lands with a harsh thump. Her mind suddenly becomes a concoction of different forms of panic as she lays frozen on the cold pavement.

She can hear Aiden approaching...

"You thought you could get away Vause? I thought you were smarter than that. You just made this a lot harder for yourself. A lot more painful than it could have been. More enjoyable for me though, don't you agree?" Aiden speaks with cockiness and brushes Alex's hair behind her ear as she turns around to face him. Without sympathy, he hits Alex across the jaw with the back of his gun and enjoys the excruciating sound that Alex makes. He chuckles.

Alex starts sobbing in pure pain and fear as she wonders where the hell everyone is. Where are the guards? The inmates? Anybody?

She closes her eyes as Aiden's finger slides over the trigger.

*BANG*

Alex screams in agony as the bullet enters her right thigh.

"It's just begun Vause. You did this to yourself and now it's time to pay."

Alex can taste the tears that have dripped into her mouth and the blood splatter that is now all over her face. She hovers over the freshest wound with her fingertips and finds the gaping hole where the bullet had entered.

She needs to get out of this situation. Instinct is all she can use when her mind is so blocked with pain. In a fearful rage she kicks her unwounded leg with power and hits Aiden right in the crotch with a loud grunt. He hits the floor in agony with the gun still embraced in his hand.

Screaming, aching and crying, Alex claws at the floor in attempt to find stability. She manages to get herself up and heads for the door to the inside of the prison. She knows Aiden won't be down for long, so she attempts to run although her right leg gives way continuously and excruciatingly.

As she reaches the door, she can hear Aiden.

"VAUSE" his scream echoes through the yard.

Alex tramples through Spanish Harlem, the ghetto and white suburbia in a horrid attempt to find a guard. There's no one. Not even an inmate. The familiar location of prison, now feels like a labyrinth. It's a cat and mouse chase, and all bets are on the cat. With no luck and no sense of understanding as to why no one is around, Alex heads for the chapel with only a need and desperation to get away from Aiden.

Alex flings the church doors open with a loud moan as she feels her consciousness slipping away. She sees a recognizable figure, startled, standing in pure confusion.

" _Alex_?" screams Piper.

All she can see is Alex covered in blood.

" _Piper, run_."

Bullets fly past Alex and in a moment of realization, Piper runs to Alex and grabs her by the hand, pulling her in the opposing direction of Aiden.

" _Run Piper_ " Alex pleads. There's not much that could make this death any worse but Piper dying at the hands of Aiden is something that would kill Alex faster than the _bullets would_.

Alex's vision is diminishing but she catches a glimpse of the horror on Piper's face. Floating in and out of consciousness she can feel Piper's hand pressing against her wounds while they are still in active motion. It feels oddly soothing and brings back nostalgic memories of all the amazing places they had been together. All the memories they had made. All the stories they have to tell.

The places, memories and stories all fade to black with Alex's consciousness.

"Alex, stay with me. Alex, it's ok. I'm here. I'm here Al. I'm here."

Alex wakes in a startled mess and confusion. She can feel the recognizable warmth and subtle smell of Piper that keeps her conscious. She smells like home. Like love. Like safety.

"Piper" Alex squeels painfully

"Hey shh, it's ok Alex. You're going to be ok. I'm here to look after you" Piper embraces Alex's body softly minding her wounds and kisses her lips with a tenderness that Alex had forgotten. It seems like a lost memory or a distant dream that wasn't ever reality. Alex becomes emersed in Piper's touch and wants more. She forget's how good it feels.

Piper pulls away and shares a grateful smile with Alex as she nuzzles back into her chest when suddenly Alex is struck by an indescribably sharpness in her thigh

" _Fuck_ " Alex holds her wound as she rocks back and forth in an attempt to ease the pain. Piper's hand lays on top of Alex's, stroking it, as she whispers comforting words in her ear.

"Everything's going to be ok Al. I'm here. I'm _always_ going to be here" Her soft kisses continue, traveling from Alex's forehead to the side of her face.

"I need help Pipes" Alex starts sobbing. She can feel her tears, warm on her face. She sits in a pool of her own blood but when she glances up, she drowns in Piper's eyes. Alex's own eyes plead for help. For life. The more she cries, the more it hurts.

"Alex, I know, I know it hurts, but you're going to have to stay with me until someone comes around. There's no one all through the prison except for Aiden. I need to keep you safe." Piper wipes Alex's tears with the back of her fingers as her own chest begins to tighten.

Alex rolls over to get a glimpse of her surroundings. "Where are we?" Alex asks puzzled with tears still rolling down the side of her pale cheek.

"Where in electrical. I figured Aiden wouldn't find us here and even if he did, there's a wall full of weapons I can use to beat the shit out of him"

Alex let's out a suffering moan that rips Piper to pieces.

"Piper _please_. Help me. I _need_ help" Alex loses touch of her pain and begins to fall back into unconsciousness.

"Al, Al you need to stay with me. Alex please just stay with me. _Alex_." Piper begins to fill her eyes with tears as her struggle to keep the sounds suppressed becomes more and more evident. Her tears start falling on Alex's face as she tries to wake Alex up from unconsciousness once again.

" _Alex wake up. Please. I heart you."_

She suddenly hear's the rattling of the door. Her hearts stop as her tears keep rolling.

"GET AWAY FROM HER. JUST GO AWAY. SHOOT ME IF YOU WANT, I DON'T CARE. JUST LEAVE ALEX ALONE. SHE'S IN FUCKING PRISON, ISN'T THAT ENOUGH AIDEN. JUST LEAVE HER THE FUCK ALONE."

She can hear Aiden kicking the door. After several quick but powerful attempts, the locked door bursts open with a phenomenal crash. Piper just sits there, pulling Alex's head to hers. She wails and cringes as she anticipates the feeling of the bullet shooting through her skull.

"We need an ambulance"

Piper looks up, to see Mr Caputo standing at the door looking terrified.

"What the fuck happened?"

Piper recites the events that occurred in her head but all that leaves her mouth is " _Aiden_ ".

"Aiden? The new guard? I just saw him leave through the front gate. I walked straight passed him. What the fuck? I can't believe this is happening right now. This is all going to fall back on me, like I'm the bad guy. How do this many inmates escape a correctional facility? HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN?" Caputo rambles to himself while Piper maintains a firm grip on Alex. Mr Caputo calls an ambulance as Piper pleads for Alex to wake up.

She doesn't.

In complete desolation, Piper watches Alex's body get hauled into the back of the ambulance. She is numb. She stands frozen, even after the ambulance drives away. The guilt is making it's appearance. Oh the damn guilt. Flashing images of Stella make it's way into Piper's mind and no matter how hard Piper tries to fight them, they keep re-appearing even more vividly. The first kiss. It wasn't even fucking worth it. She feels disgusted with herself.

"Inmate, inside please. Go get changed. I.. I.. I hope she'll make it"


	2. Aftermath of destruction

Piper makes her way to her bunk and slowly strips with her body aching with every movement. She changes into her clean uniform and stashes the bloodied one away under her mattress so it won't be seen. She moves to her bed, curles up with her pillow, and wails.

She is glad no one is there to hear her, but as inmates start being hauled into her dorm one by one, she can't contain her pain. She wails even louder with her pillow attempting to condense the sounds.

It fails miserably.

She realises that she never told Alex she was sorry. She was so _fucking_ sorry. She thinks about how stupid the panty business was and how she lied right to Alex's face about Stella. Right to her _fucking face_. She loves Alex. Always has. But she can't comprehend how certain circumstances got in the way of that. What if she can't tell Alex any of this? What if it's too late? She let's out an even bigger wail that surprises Red as she walks into the bunk.

"We just wanted to celebrate our freedom and _this_ is how you react? You could have joined us if you wanted to you know. No invitation needed." Red is humoured by her own words and let's out a laugh which is cut short by the realisation that Piper isn't humoured at all. In fact, Piper is crumbling before her eyes. She has never seen Piper like this. _No one_ has ever seen Piper like this. Piper's first week in prison feels like a walk in the park compared to what she is enduring right now.

"What's the matter huh?" Red walks over to Piper and puts one arm around her in a genuine attempt to comfort her.

Piper says nothing and continues to wail.

"You can tell me. It's ok." Red says, again with no response.

Red eventually gives up trying and returns to her bed, she has no idea about the circumstances of Piper's distraught emotions and how traumatic it was.

Mr Caputo addresses the escape issue in every dorm and makes it clear that the consequences will be severe to all who left beyond the prison fence. "All inmates have been accounted for and until further notice, you all must remain in your bunks." Mr Caputo glances at Piper in sympathy and leaves without any other form of acknowledgement.

That night Piper can't sleep. She's managed to perfect the art of silent crying in order to save Red and the other inmates from a night of annoyance. She can't stop thinking about Alex. Her f _ace_ when she was in pain. How she practically _drowned_ in her own blood. Her body being _hauled_ into the back of the ambulance. _All of it_.

Piper uses her sleeve as a hanky and in pure mistake, rolls her sleeve up to reveal her tattoo. ' _Trust no bitch_ '.

"GET IT OFF, GET IT OFF, GET IT OFF" Piper screams as she scratches the tattoo as much as humanly possible with her fingernails. It bleeds ferociously in seconds as Piper's breathing is out of control.

Red get's out of bed and takes grip of Piper's arms in order for her to stop mutilating herself. Voices around the dorm start increasing in volume and anger. They know exactly who woke them.

"Honey, you have to be quiet. What are you scratching at? What are you doing to yourself? Is it Stella? I know you two were getting pretty close before she got sent down to max" Red whispers into Piper's ear, knowing the extent of their relationship.

"No" Piper explains forcefully with tears rolling down her face. It's the first time she's spoken to anyone in the prison all day.

"Can I leave you in bed without you hurting yourself?"

Piper nods, lying.

Red returns to her bed.

Piper's hand softly touches the now slightly disfigured tattoo. She can't bear to know it's there. She scratches cautiously under the blankets, making sure Red can't hear her. After minutes on end trying to get rid of the tattoo, she rolls her sleeve down and tries to keep her eyes shut and wait for morning.

In the morning, Mr Caputo withdraws bunk isolation, so inmates are able to continue with their normal duties. Inmates use the bathrooms and have breakfast as usual, but Piper does neither.

Alex's absence is being noticed by some of the inmates and rumours start formulating fast.

"Hey Chapman, where's Alex?" Lorna quietly comes into Piper's bunk and asks in innocence and ignorance.

Piper falls apart at the sound of Alex's name. She thought she had ran out of tears but she was dead wrong. They flowed with direction and have a necessity to escape.

Lorna is startled at Piper's reaction and immediately starts apologising.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to... I didn't mean to make you upset. I didn't realise.."

Lorna hugs Piper in a tight embrace as Piper tries to regain the self control that is spilling out of her eyes. She _can't stop_ crying.

Lorna looks down to find a large patch of blood soaked into Piper's white undershirt.

"Chapman, what's that?"

Piper moves instantly and covers her arm under her pillow.

"Chapman, _what is that_?"

Red bursts into the bunk after her breakfast of slop.

"Red, look at Piper's arm"

"Chapman, show me your arm" Red demands, walking over to Piper with direct intention.

Piper remains still, covering her wound and saying nothing.

Red grabs Piper's arms out from under the pillow like the night before as she instructs Lorna to roll up Piper's sleeve.

Piper throws herself around in an attempt to get Red and Lorna off her but it quickly fails as she tires out. She doesn't have the strength to fight anything anymore. She let's out light moans as the tattoo is revealed.

Crusty and deformed, the tattoo is exposed to Red and Lorna. They can see mangled letters but can't make out what it says.

"A tattoo?"

"Who gave this to you Piper?"Red demands.

Piper doesn't speak.

"Lorna, go get some honey from the kitchen ok? Tell the girls I'll make it up to them"

Lorna leaves the the bunk frazzled and shocked as she goes to the kitchen. She can't quite get her head around what she saw, or more _why_ she saw it. Why would Piper do that to herself? Why would Piper even get a tattoo? I guess it's the new dark and mysterious Piper that everyone's been talking about.

"Let's get you changed while Lorna gets you some honey for your wound ok?"

Red starts searching for Piper's spare uniform.

Piper is in a distant haze in which she doesn't realise what Red is doing until it's to late.

Red takes out Piper's uniform that she can see poking from under the mattress. It's covered in blood, torso and pants combined. The smell is sickening and the blood is still damp in some areas. Red knows that this is way too much blood for it to be Piper's.

Piper cringes at what Red has found. She doesn't want to look at the blood. She doesn't want to picture Alex unconscious in her arms as she cried in pain. Living through it once was enough. She doesn't want to see it again.

Red sits next to Piper and let's out a loud sigh. "Who's blood is this?"

Piper just stares into the distance pretending she never heard the question.

"Honey, you can't just sit here and cry while you let things eat you alive. Look where we are. Even the happiest people in here are depressed. It's fucking prison. You can't make yourself worse than you already were. I'll ask you again Piper, who's blood is this?"

Piper attempts to roll Alex's name off her tongue. She can't, she just let's out noises with no distinct meaning.

"Piper, tell me who's blood this is... Is it Vause's blood?"

Piper loses it. She get's caught in a mixture of screaming and crying that sends profanities flying from an array of other inmates.

Red holds Piper, comforting her, until Lorna returns with the honey.

Red and Lorna lie Piper down as she regains her ability to breathe. Lorna strokes her face while Red applies the honey to Piper's massacred wound. They do this silently, as they don't want another loud outburst from Piper.

Red walks over to her side of the bunk and returns with a piece of fabric to wrap around Piper's arm.

"You listen to me Piper, you don't take this off until I tell you to. No scratching. No touching at all. Us Russians have eyes like hawks you know, so don't even think about it. I know you were up all last night Piper. So try to get some sleep. I'll be back soon if you need anything."

Red and Lorna walk to the bathroom where there is a herd of new inmates in orange uniforms standing collectively. Lorna and Red push past the new inmates to the other side of the bathroom where they don't feel claustrophobic. They are about to discuss Piper's condition when they hear the fierce voice of a new inmate.

"Who the fuck do these bitches think they are?" a young girl with curly blonde hair and home job tattoo's violently says.

"What did you just say?" Red glares.

"I said, who the fuck do you think you are, you old hag?

"Let me pretend you didn't just say that. Little girl, today's your first day at Litchfield so you don't know the rules yet, but if you did, you would know that was the wrong move to make. You're the pawn and I'm the king. I'm the OG around here princess. I've been in this prison for 12 years and have allies you can only have nightmares about. Keep one eye open when you sleep honey and look over your shoulder when you walk down the corridor." Red leaves the bathroom with the new inmate visibly shaken.

The TV room is a collection of white. Big boo, Yoga Jones, Red, Norma, Sister Ingalls and Lorna. The girls from the ghetto couldn't watch animal planet in peace so they decided to leave, leaving white suburbia to confabulate.

"Hey what's been going on with Chapman? She not getting enough pussy with her girlfriend going down to max? I can help her out if she wants. Y'know, take one for the team." Big Boo laughs.

"Piper is why we're here" Red replies as she and Lorna sit down with the rest of the group.

"I think it has something to do with Vause" Lorna explains.

"I found Piper's uniform soaked in Vause's blood, stashed away under her mattress." Red says.

"You think she killed her?" Jones expresses with fear.

"Piper isn't the brightest one out of the bunch but she's not stupid." Red scoffs.

"I overheard Mr Caputo talking on the phone to someone about an incident that had occurred with a new guard when we were getting hauled back in here. From what I caught, it was a direct and planned attack. Now the D.A.'s looking all over for him." Sister Ingalls says.

"It must have been Vause at the other end of that guard. Is she alive?" Yoga Jones questions with a pensive look on her face.

"There's no way of knowing with the minimal amount of information we have."

"I have a plan" Lorna explains.

Several hours later, Lorna leaves her bunk in search of Mr Caputo.

"Mr Caputo!" Lorna yells from down the hall.

"I'm busy right now Morello."

"It's really important Mr Caputo. It will only take a second."

"Hurry up"

"I have some questions that I have to ask Vause. You know, Vince and I want to have a big traditional wedding when I get out but i don't know what flowers will go best with the bridesmaids dresses and I need to have something that's in season because my Aunt Frida will know _instantly_ if they aren't. Do you know where she is? I haven't seen her around lately."

"Uh... uh, Vause had an _incident_."

"What do you mean? What kind of incident? Is she ok?"

"I can't disclose any of that information Morello, now excuse me while I carry on fixing up this shit hole."

Lorna feels a sense of disappointment as Mr Caputo walks away. She goes back and notifies the others.

Without resolution, they go to their bunks in hope of an epiphany.

In the morning, the white suburbia group meet once again, but all come up empty handed as to what they should do.

"They would have told us, surely they would have." Yoga Jones says.

"No one's required to tell us anything in this place. For all we know, Vause could have been dead the day she was attacked." Red let's out in an annoyed tone.

"Rumour has it, the greenhouse was being cleaned up when we were all confined to our bunks. That's where it all went down." Big Boo whispers.

"Who told you that?" Lorna says

"I overheard Washington talking about it. The whole group is convinced that Vause is dead."

"Am I a bad person to think she is too" Yoga Jones says in guilt.


	3. It can't be

Days and then weeks go by.

Piper still doesn't eat, sleep, shower or go to work. The only time she ever leaves her bunk is to go to the bathroom and even that is a rare occasion.

Her tattoo has mostly healed, but a red sensitivity still lingers. She hasn't touched the tattoo since the night she mangled it. She won't let herself.

A vast array of shots accumulate against her name but she doesn't care. Nothing can get any worse. Sometimes she dreams about Alex. About her touch. About her taste. But when she wakes up she feels worse. An empty void that cannot be filled. She filters back through the array of all the "I love you's" and "I heart you's" and she wonders how it would feel if they exchanged those words now.

Through the course of 3 weeks many of the inmates make condolence calls to Piper's bunk. Cliche statements of "I'm sorry" and "it will get better" are drilled into Piper's ears. She hates it. She just wants to be left alone. To marinade in her own guilt and grief. "It will get better?" What kind of bullshit is that. This isn't getting better. Infact, it's _getting worse._ Every moment, Piper is reminded that Alex isn't here. She misses everything about her. Even the bad. The drug affiliation, the paranoia, even the possessiveness and jealousy. It showed that Alex _cared_. Piper was too blind to see that.

Time is now a factor that Piper doesn't take into consideration. She doesn't know what day it is, or what time it is or if she can ever see the world like she once did. Without Alex, it's ugly and lifeless.

She thinks about Stella sometimes. She knows she didn't love her. Piper asks herself, could I have done what I did to Stella, to Alex? The answer was simply no... because she loves Alex too much. Stella was just a bandaid for Piper until she could fly free again without the help of another.

Piper relives the moments that are most prominent in her mind regarding her and Stella. Piper feels ill when she remembers the embraces. She can't even touch her own lips without feeling like they have been poisoned. She kissed Alex with those same lips after it all happened. How could she allow herself to do that?

"I really like you", "I'll miss you". How could Piper have said those things to Stella? Piper grabs her pillow and screams as loud as she can until her voice is nothing more than air escaping her mouth. It infuriates her to a point in which she can't handle herself. She just wishes she could jump right out of her body and just run away so no one can ever find her.

Nights in prison grow more vindictive as Piper finally collapses into sleep and has raging nightmares that terrify her even more than reality. In her nightmare she can see Aiden with a glistening knife that travels harshly across Alex's throat. "Piper" Alex screams. Piper can't help her. She is stuck behind glass that she can't manage to break. She hits and kicks the glass with every ounce of strength she has but it does nothing. Not even a dint can be seen. " _I dumped you because you were gross_ " Alex shouts as she gasps for a final breath of air. "Alex I'm sorry"

Piper wakes, unable to inhale and exhale normally. She mouths over and over " _I dumped you because you were being gross_ ". " _I'm so gross_ " Piper says as she cries.

Tonight is especially torturous for Piper and she decides to make a trip to Alex's bunk just so she can feel a new dimension of agony. She knows no one will bother her. No one's game enough. They all look at her with empathy and don't say a word, which in this case, is a good thing.

Piper silently goes into Alex's bunk. She's too scared to touch anything. Like it's all _sacred_. Her eyes hover over every object in the bunk trying to remember the significance they had to Alex. After standing still for a long moment, Piper cautiously picks up Alex's pillow and brings it up to her nose gently. She breaths in. _Oh god_. All the memories, all the tears. They all come rushing back.

Alex always had a distinct smell to her that was pleasantly subtle but still prominent enough to be remembered by Piper. Something as simple as Alex's scent manages to stab Piper right in the heart.

She knows she can't stay any longer or she'll break apart completely. But she decides to take the pillow with her. Like a form of self torture that Piper thinks she deserves. When she returns to her bed, she put's Alex's pillow long ways against her side. Maybe, just maybe, it will feel like Alex is still here, laying beside her.

Piper manages to fall asleep. She is awoken by the soft whisper of Red.

"Honey, wake up. Counts in five."

Piper get's up accordingly and patiently waits for the end of count so she can return to bed.

"You want me to bring you some slop when I come back?" Red laughs as she exits the dorm

The tone of the whole prison is different this morning. People are happy. As Red said weeks ago "it's fucking prison" so why are they so happy? Inmates walk past Piper's bunk and share their huge smiles and giggles. Are they trying to make her jealous? Aggression starts seeping through every escape hole on Piper's face. She despises everyone. Why would they want to rub their happiness into her face? That's not a good recipe for recovery and they know it just as much as she does.

Red, Lorna and Big Boo, in unison, come marching in to see Piper. All three have grins like the Cheshire Cat.

"Good morning sunshine" Lorna says cheerfully.

"How are you feeling?"Red asks. For the 100th time in three weeks, she gets no reply from Piper, only a blank stare.

"Get up Chapman, you gotta go have a shower. You smell like fungus is growing up inside you" Big Boo laughs

This is just making Piper more furious. These people are meant to be here to support her, or atleast leave her alone, not make her feel shittier about her current situation.

"Get the fuck out of here. All of you" Piper whispers with a dark undertone that is _just_ heard by Red, Lorna and Big Boo.

"Piper, look how beautiful the day is today! Get up and enjoy it. You won't regret it, I promise. Please. You'll love it." Lorna innocently explains.

Piper travels into the depths of her mind once again and fails to acknowledge Lorna's remark.

It's no use. Red, Lorna and Big Boo eventually leave. Piper snaps back into reality and can see Lorna walking next to Red, whispering something into Red's ear that Piper can't make out. She can hear Lorna laughing and jumping in celebration. Piper thinks Lorna's making fun of her.

Like Lorna has always had the perfect mental state.

She's in here because she's a crazy stalker to a man she claimed to be her fiancé.

What the fuck was that all about? The whole ambience of the prison is out of whack. Although Lorna is as ignorant as West side story, she surely would know how that would have made Piper feel. Maybe everyone's getting sick and tired of Piper's depressive state and wants to get back at her for all the nights she woke them up. Or maybe it's the vindictive, manipulative Piper that they want to get back at. The Piper that got rid of Flaca and threw Stella under the bus and all the way too max.

A few minutes later, she can hear footsteps approaching her bunk. Infact, it's a whole collection of footsteps. Suddenly, what feels like the whole prison is infront of Piper's bunk. This is utterly absurd. What the fuck is going on.

Piper just stares at them as they giggle and smile like children. Is this an ambush? Are the going to sock her right now and help each other bury the evidence?

Lorna is the loudest of all the inmates and cannot contain her excitement.

"Hurry up, hurry up, I can't wait any longer" Lorna says to someone out of Piper's field of view.

This is it. She's going to get killed by a whole prison full of cheerful psychopaths.

Piper get's out of bed and is about to give everyone a piece of her mind before they break her face with a lock in a sock.

Suddenly, a recognisable figure emerges from the left hand side of Piper.

It can't be.

No.

It can't be.

 _It's Alex_


	4. Welcome home

"Piper"

Piper's mouth drops in unison with her heart. She starts wailing. She stands still for a moment and tries to come to grips with what is occurring. This is reality. The happiest form of reality Piper has ever been in.

She walks over to Alex and absorbs her into her own body. She hugs tight. Tighter than she ever had before, while Alex does the same. After a few seconds, Alex pulls away gently and strokes the sides of Piper's face with her thumbs. They both smile at eachother while tears roll down their faces. It makes them cry even harder as they share waves of embarrassed laughter. They have never cried in unison. It's always been one comforting the other but they can't help themselves. So much has happened and so much has changed.

Over the back of Alex's shoulder, Piper can see that all of the inmates are crying as well. There's not a dry eye. Even Red and Watson are struggling to hold back the tears.

" _I, I'm so sorry Alex"_ Piper let's out with tears still racing down her face

Alex locks onto Piper's lips with her own as she kisses them tenderly over and over again until she remembers that there is a collection of inmates standing right behind her.

"Alright, show's over folks. Let the lovebirds make up in peace" Red says while she gathers her emotions.

" _That was so beautiful_ " Lorna explains while she wipes her eyes with a handkerchief.

The inmates start leaving slowly with congratulatory messages and well wishes until finally, it's just Alex and Piper in the bunk.

" _I, I thought you died Alex_ " Piper breaks down and sobs into Alex's shoulder

"You can't get rid of me that easily" Alex says softly, smiling into Piper's ear.

Alex stands up and looks around the dorm searching for guards. She finds none.

She walks back and sits on the bed looking at Piper likes she's a work of art.

"I missed you" she says

"I missed you too"

Alex leans in and kisses Piper hard. She changes positions to be able to push Piper up hard against the wall. Piper replies with the same amount of force. Their tongues collide while they search for answers inside eachothers mouth. Alex's hands start vigorously caressing Piper's center as they travel lower and lower until Piper flinches.

Piper moves in an attempt to get Alex off her. She is panting."We can't do this here Alex"

"Where else are we going to do it? In the fucking chapel? I don't think so. They last time we were in there together I nearly got my head blown off."

"So what, are we just going to do it infront of all these inmates?" Piper says, annoyed.

"I come back to prison after _nearly dying_ at the hands of Aiden and all i want to do is see you and love you and you can't even let me do that? _Pathetic._ That fucking Stella chicks in the picture now huh? That's why you're being like this."Alex sneers

" _Being like what_? What the fuck is your problem Alex? You think it's been a walk in the park here? _I thought you were dead_. I thought you were fucking dead. I havn't eaten in weeks. All I do is fucking cry and all I wanted was to be able to have you in my arms. I admit that. I just thought that our love making reunion wouldn't have to be so public. That's all Alex. I don't know why you're taking this so badly. And for the record, Stella is in max. I put her there. I was going to aplogise properly about the whole Stella thing the second you came back but now you're acting like this..."

" _I_ was the one who nearly got killed Piper. _I_ was the one with bullets in my body. _I_ was the one running and pleading for help. Why the fuck would i have to feel sorry for you? I bet you and Stella had a fling while you were still with me, didn't you?" Alex screams at Piper.

Piper stays silent.

"I fucking knew it" Alex nearly kills Piper with the sadness in her voice

"What does it matter now Alex? I love you. Stella doesn't matter. I could feel our relationship breaking apart and i couldn't stand being alone so I used her as my rebound. I'm fucking admitting this to you Alex. The second i saw you in the chapel I realised how stupid I had been. That Piper with Stella... it wasn't even me. I don't know who it was. I'm so sorry for it all Alex. I'm a fucking liar. But one thing I would never lie about is how much I love you. I love you Alex."

Piper puts her hand on top of Alex's and strokes it softly. She makes her way over to her Alex's lips and starts planting warms, hard kisses on them. Alex's face remains still and neutral until she eventually gives in and presses back. She starts putting her fingers through Piper's slicked hair and innocently strokes her face.

"I forgive you. But do it again and I'll break your beautiful little heart by getting back at you... I'm just a little fucked up right now Pipes, I'm sorry."Alex whispers.

"We're all a little fucked up in here" Piper smirks

"Even you?" Alex giggles

"Especially me" Piper laughs as she leans in to Alex's embrace once again.

"No more Stella talk for a while. Stay here for a second while I try to find us a place to runaway too" Alex winks playfully

Piper's left alone to soak in the last half hour. She smiles to herself; the first time in a long time. Alex is here. She is actually here. She is alive. And Piper herself feels more alive than ever.

Red walks in with a huge smile. "How was the reunion?"

"Words cannot express it Red"

"I know you're on cloud nine right now but I have something to say to you. That girl loves you more than life itself. _You don't deserve her_. I saw your lips smacking against Stella's. You go tell Alex before I do. For Alex's sake, I hope you're not lying when you tell her you love her. I will personally make your life a living hell if you fuck her over again. I'm happy for you, don't get me wrong, but I'm warning you." Red says in a vicious tone

"I know Red, I know. I already told her. I told her about Stella and how I lied to her face. You're right. She didn't deserve any of it and _I don't deserve her._ She just gave me unconditional love and I cheated on her. What the _fuck_ was wrong with me? I promise you Red, And I promise Alex and myself that I will never do anything to hurt Alex ever again. She is worth so much to me. I'm so inlove with her." Piper explains

"You're what?" Alex stands with a smirk outside the bunk

Piper blushes "I said I'm so inlove with you"

Alex puts out her hand signaling Piper to grab hold of it.

"Let's go"Alex says as she thanks Red


	5. I'm the fucking fruit

Alex leads Piper to the utility closet.

"I didn't think we could downgrade from the chapel but I was so wrong" Piper laughs as she is ushered in by Alex.

"Are you complaining? Because I've got a way to fix that" Alex lifts up her eyebrow in a seductive manner and stares at Piper before Piper makes the first move.

Alex makes sure to lock the door behind them as the cramped space of the closet causes them to have their bodies pressed up against each other from the very beginning.

Every kiss, every touch and every movement is soft and sensual between them. They know each others most sensitive and pleasurable areas and use that to their advantage. Lips start traveling towards bare skin and breathing starts getting heavier.

Piper starts undressing Alex with care and seduction as her eyes roll over the recognisable contours of her body as she follows them with her fingertips. It makes her melt. It makes her remember the countless times that she has touched this same body, with such a different variation of circumstances. Piper still feels weak when she sees Alex unclothed. Even after all this time.

Piper is then drawn to the two wounds on Alex's body. One on her chest, and one on her thigh. She can't help but look at them for a moment too long.

The second Alex notices that Piper is looking at her wounds, she backs away quickly and throws her clothes back on.

"Hey, what's the matter?" Piper says concerned

"I can't do this, I'm sorry." Alex storms out of the utility closet, leaving Piper alone and confused.

She rushes after Alex.

When Piper catches up to Alex, she can see that she is visibly shaken and on the verge of tears.

"Hey, hey, Alex talk to me." Piper begs as Alex keeps walking.

Piper stops right in-front of her and grabs her hand. "Just come back to my bunk ok?"

Alex nods.

When they reach Piper's bunk, Piper lies down on the bed and pats it, signalling Alex to come join her.

Alex lies down facing Piper as she begins stroking her hair back out of her face.

Piper get's lost in Alex's eyes as they start focusing on her facial features. They share a short, passionate embrace that makes them both feel like they're walking on air.

Tears start rolling down Alex's face "For a second there, I forgot that all the crazy shit happened with Aiden. I forgot that I was shot. I forgot that I had the wounds to show it."

"Alex, the wounds don't matter to me. All they are is a representation of survival. Why do they matter so much to you?"

"Pipes, I'm even further from that hot drug dealer you once met... You remember how we were in drama class and we did that improv scene about the defective and nasty fruit? Well Piper, now I'm the fucking fruit. And I need to be returned."

Piper stares at Alex in pure shock

"I'm not returning you Alex, because there's nothing wrong with you. I think you're a hot ass piece of fruit if we're being honest here." Piper winks and smiles while Alex's expression stays neutral

"Don't lie to make me feel better Piper. I thought you were done with all of that."

Piper grabs Alex's hand and puts it in hers. "Alex. I think you are the most beautiful woman I have ever met in my entire life. A couple of wounds and some bruises isn't going to change that. Infact, they're kind hot. They make you look like a badass." Piper smirks

"Really?" Alex says with a quiet laugh

"Yes really."

"You know, I don't think you've ever said that to me. Ever." Alex looks into Piper's eyes in deep thought

"I've always thought it Alex. From the moment I saw you. You were this beautiful, mysterious girl by the name of Alex Vause and you made fun of my resume... And I loved it. From now on, no hiding anything. No lies. Because I love you and all that you are, wounds and all."

Alex feels the warmth of Piper's breath as she lays close. Alex can't help herself and leans in to lock lips with Piper. "I love you"

Piper breaths in the words that Alex has just said and smiles.

"Knock, knock, sorry to interrupt you lovebirds but you girls are going to miss out on lunch if you don't hurry up." Lorna cheekily smiles

"You know, I love seeing you both like this, but it makes me miss my Vince." Lorna's face suddenly changes and show's the physical pain she is in

Alex untangles herself from Piper and walks over to Lorna to give her a warm hug. "He'll come visit you in no time and you'll forget about missing him because he'll be right there in-front of you."

Lorna nods in appreciation.

Lorna, Alex and Piper all walk to the cafeteria. Piper scoffs down her meal even though it is significantly horrible. She hasn't eaten in weeks and her body wants nothing more than something to swallow, even if it is borderline edible.

Alex can't help but laugh at Piper's eating pace. "Were you given a whole different meal to me? Because I swear this shit tastes horrible."

"Alex I didn't eat while you were gone." Alex doesn't respond, but looks at Piper sympathetically and apologetically which Piper feels bad about.

"Al, I just want to get out of here" Piper looks up at Alex

"You want me to feel bad about my wounds twice in one day Pipes?" Alex raises her eyebrows and waits for Piper's reply

"No, I mean out of prison. I want to travel the world with you again. I want to be able to have wild nights in Ibiza and romantic dinners in Paris and at the end of the day, just be able to share a bed with you."

"We'll get there someday Pipes" Alex sighs as she thinks about her journey through life this far. She thinks about the drug ring, how all of it caused imprisonment and most of all, how much she misses being free. She misses not having to hold off affection until there's no guards around or being able to have meals at whatever time she wants. Just the simple things.

After lunch, Piper and Alex return to Piper's bunk.

"Come be my little spoon." Piper laughs

"Oh god, how the tables have turned" Alex curdles up in Piper's arms while Piper kisses her neck with soft lips.

"Can I ask you a question about that day Pipes?" Alex says, concerned

"Are you sure you're ok talking about it?"

"Yeah, it's fine Pipes. Everything just went black after I saw you in the chapel and the next thing I knew, I was in your arms in electrical. How did we get there?"

Alex can feel Piper's breathing fasten on her neck. "I carried you" Piper explains

"What do you mean you carried me? You do realise how tall I am right?"

"Alex, when you passed out I had to do something, otherwise we both would have been shot up in the house of god. I put your arms around my neck and managed to get your legs caught together on the other side of me. I just ran with you tied to my body after that. It was the most excruciating couple of minutes of my life. I thought that my bones were just going to break simultaneously and that would be the end of it. But look where we are. I did it Al." Realisation dawns on Piper as she grins to the back of Alex

"Piper Chapman, you are the badass bitch I never thought you would become. Thank you Seriously, thank you for saving my life... Fuck, I'm such a kiss ass" Alex bursts out in laughter and turns over to face Piper and stares into her eyes to make sure that she really is in-front of her and this is not just a dream.

"You don't know how I've been the last few weeks Alex. I watched you get shoved into an ambulance and I thought that was it. The end of you, the end of us and the end of me. I'm so glad you're here." Piper presses her lips against Alex's with her lips speaking with tranquility. She continues, slow and sweet. With love.

Hours roll over as Piper and Alex enjoy each others company in the bunk. They reminisce about past adventures and entangle themselves within each others bodies. Without warning, Mr Caputo launches into the bunk.

"Woah ladies, hands off. I know you two are getting reacquainted but please."

Piper and Alex share a quick smirk with one another as they change positions so they are sitting side by side on the bed

"Vause, happy to be back?" Mr Caputo asks sincerely

"I never thought I would say this but yeah, I am." Alex looks at Piper. She let's Piper know she is the reason for her happiness with a single glance.

"Good. I need you to come to my office and talk about a few things in regards to the... Uh, _incident_."

Alex gets up nervously "I'll be back" She says to Piper. Piper nods.

Alex follows Mr Caputo out of the bunk and Piper is left alone.

Piper decides that it's time for a round of physical hygiene maintenance so she walks to the bathroom to have a shower. As she undresses, she gets a quick glance of herself in the mirror. She is horrified. Reduced to nothing more than bones. Piper never realised how much weight she had lost and why no one ever said anything to her. Sure, they told her to eat, but Piper virtually looks like she's sick.

"Fuck". She lifts up her towel and takes a long stare at her ribs that look like they are going to escape through her skin. They are more prominent than ever.

In the course of moving her towel, Piper gets a whiff of a horrible stench. "What the fuck is that smell" she says to herself, alone in the bathroom. She moves her nose down to her armpit, and sure enough, it's her own revolting odour. Piper can't believe she hadn't noticed and neither had Alex, she didn't think. Piper was always one to look after her appearance but was in a state of complete despair that she dismissed the aesthetic maintenance that should occur daily within a regular persons life.

As Piper get's into the shower, she is vindictively greeted by the cold water that sends chills throughout her body. She uses more soap and shampoo than necessary and bumps into her disfigured tattoo in the process. It stares at her, mocking the state she was in and reminding her of the horrible acts that she was involved in with Stella.

Piper can't get out and put her clothes back on any quicker.

She returns to her bunk to see Alex smirking at her with her own pillow in her hands. "Why did you steal my pillow for huh?" Alex's raised eyebrow and husky voice sends chills down Piper's back in the best way possible.

"I missed your smell" Piper winks at Alex.

"Speaking of smells, thank the lord you showered because you were smelling funky babe" Alex bursts into laughter as Piper gives her a squint of her eyes.

"Why wouldn't you tell me that I stink? I thought we were being honest Alex?"

"Sorry Pipes, I didn't want to kill your vibe. I promise, the next time you stink, I'll let you know straight away." Alex smirks as she gets up and pulls Piper down to the bed gently.

"I have to tell you something Piper. Something important." Alex's facial features transform into seriousness and Piper's turn concerned.

"What is it?" Piper questions

" _I'm getting out._ "

Piper's mouth and heart drop simultaneously. She cannot believe this is happening. She was just starting the perfect prison life with Alex and now she is being snatched away from her just as things were looking bright.

"Whaaat...why, what do you mean you're getting out?" Piper struggles to pronounce her words without stumbling

"It's compensation for everything that happened with Aiden. It was their fault for hiring him and now they are trying to cover it up by letting me out early on 'good behaviour'. More like, 'an inmate nearly got killed by a guard that wasn't really a guard and it was our fault but we won't take the blame so we just found an alternative.' I just got to see you again Pipes and now I'm getting out. It sucks, but I'll be waiting for you. Fuck, I sound like I'm on the real housewives of Litchfield." Alex smirks at Piper while Piper's face remains horrified.

"I'm not ready to say goodbye to you again. Not yet. How can you even make jokes at a time like this? This is shit." With fury, Piper knows that her selfishness will come back to haunt her but she can't help herself. She wants Alex and wants her to stay here with her.

"I leave next Friday Pipes. 5 more days. I've felt sorry for us too many times to feel sorry again. We'll get over it, like we always do. It's almost lights out Piper, I'll let you get some rest and we'll talk about it again in the morning." Alex kisses Piper long and hard but it never feels like long enough. She leaves to her own bunk, longing for a longer kiss, a tighter hug and an eternity with Piper.

Piper goes to sleep feeling empty, as she imagines what it will feel like to see Alex leave.

She wakes to Red fumbling with a book and the ladies in the dorm getting ready for count.

"Good morning Pipes" A familiar hot brunette with glasses enters Piper's bunk.

"Morning beautiful" Piper says to Alex as Alex leans over the bed to kiss her

"How are you feeling?" Alex asks sympathetically

"I love you" Piper whispers

"Is that how your feeling huh Piper?" Alex laughs as she sits on the bed and cradles Piper in her arms.

"I know I dropped a heavy bomb on you yesterday but I have something else to ask you Pipes." Alex says with her lips on Pipers neck

Piper's heart starts beating uncontrollably as she waits for Alex to speak

"Look at me Pipes" Alex moves Piper's head with a gentle touch so it is facing hers

"Piper Chapman, will you be my girlfriend?" Alex's husky voice nervously says as the sides of Piper's mouth starts to turn upwards.

"You fucker, you scared me Al... Of course I will be your girlfriend." Piper touches Alex's lips with hers as she smiles.

Piper has never been addicted to anything in her life, but God she is addicted to Alex. She is addicted to her touch and her taste and her voice and her beauty and her everything. She doesn't even want to say goodbye but she has no choice.

A cacophony of cheers and screams is suddenly heard at the other end of the dorm, filled with familiar voices. Piper, Alex and Red retreat from the bunk instantly, trying to comprehend what is occurring.

They can see inmates hugging and crying and quickly, they see why everyone is so excited. They cannot believe what is occurring. They are struck by shock in the most powerful way possible. It's like getting hit by a wave and being unable to swim to the surface again, but when they finally do, it's incredible.

Inmates from max are back at Litchfield.

Taslitz

Miss Claudette

Nicky

And Stella


	6. Lone Wolf

"Oh my god" Red says as she races over to Nicky and grabs her into a tight hug. Despite Red's efforts to hold her tears back, they seep violently from her eyes.

"Mommy" Nicky holds onto Red as she tries to manage her own emotions.

Alex walks over and follows Red in giving Nicky a warm greeting filled with an undisclosed platonic love.

Piper remains outside the bunk, watching the inmates from max become overwhelmed by the excitement of the other inmates. Although this is the case, Stella remains by herself on the side of all the action. She didn't have any close friends except for Piper and even Piper betrayed her. Piper feels sick and wants to run away. She can't stand what she did to Stella, but she can't stand what she did _with_ Stella even more.

Stella meets Piper's eyes and stares at her with hatred. Stella wants Piper to know how much Piper hurt her and how much her vindictive actions impacted her. Weeks on end in max has made Stella realise how blind she was and how she was the one who should 'trust no bitch'. Stella starts walking towards Piper.

Alex notices instantly. "What's your problem?" Alex steps close to Stella's face, intimidating her in more ways than one. Alex towers over Stella and backs her into a corner where it is impossible for her to escape.

"Get the fuck away from me. I fucking hate her, don't worry, I won't touch her again. I just wanted to let her know how fucked up she is." Stella's eyes now rest on Alex's.

"You bet your ass you won't. If you do touch her, I will kill you in a heartbeat, so don't even think about it."

Alex walks over to Piper. Piper grabs the side of her face and gives her a passionate kiss, looking to make sure Stella had seen it. She can see Stella's face crumble as she turns around and walks out of the dorm.

"Gross, I forgot how much I hate you two" Nicky laughs

"It's good to see you too Nicky" Piper smiles genuinely as she collects her thoughts

Piper can see Miss Claudette approaching the bunk. "I never would have guessed you and Red would have been bunk buddies. I forget sometimes how long I've been gone. I missed you."Miss Claudette says as Piper walks over and embraces her with a hug.

"I missed you too." Piper never would have guessed she would be saying this to Miss Claudette, but she had seen Piper when she was frail and broken, just trying to come to grips with prison life.

Alex, Red, Nicky, Morello and Miss Claudette all take a seat within the bunk and reminisce about the days in which they all shared the prison. Nicky and Miss Claudette have a seemingly strong friendship that radiates through the room. They explain the torture of max and how they had never seen people do such horrific things like they had seen down in max.

"How was Stella down there?" Piper freezes and so does everyone in the room. She realises what just slipped out of her mouth. The words escaped without thought and now she has to face the consequences. She looks at Alex who has the stare of a laser that points back at Piper and burns her skin.

"She was like a lost puppy down there Chapman. She cried a lot actually but don't worry, I gave her some loving that made me forget about that fucking revolting accent of hers and made her forget about you." Nicky smirks as she stares at Piper.

"You know she talked a lot about you and how much of a jerk you were while she was down there. She even told me about your little love affair." Nicky's face turns mean. She knows exactly what she is doing.

"You know about this Vause?" Nicky asks

"Yeah, Nichols." Alex says, quiet and embarrassed.

"Nicky stop" Red shoves Nicky with the mothering love she had forgotten about while Nicky was down in max.

Piper can feel the tears starting to escape her eyes. She jumps up and runs to the bathroom before she crumbles completely.

"You know about it and you're still with her? I thought you were smarter than that Vause. I care about you. What the fuck are you doing?" Nicky says, moving next to Alex

"You don't get it Nicky. You don't understand our history." Alex explains as she turns her head away from the glaring eyes of Nicky.

"Just because you have history, doesn't mean you have to stay with her. Think about what you deserve Alex." Red calmly says as she re-adjusts herself into a more comfortable position

"I love her" Alex starts to cry as she attempts to hide behind Piper's pillow

"Those fucking straight girls will do that to you Vause. I've said it once and I'll say it again." Nicky puts her arm over Alex, comforting her.

"I'm getting out on Friday. I don't know if that means I have to figure my shit out before then, or I can just run from it."

"What? Why the fuck are you getting out Vause? That's fucking great" Nicky excitedly says

"You didn't hear? I got shot by a guard and they're letting me out to compensate for their fuckery."

Miss Claudette and Nicky both looked stunned and glance at Red for validation. Red nods.

"Piper saved my life. I would have been dead if it wasn't for her. You think I'm fucked because I'm with her? Atleast I'm alive." Alex closes her eyes as tears race down her cheeks. She is so grateful for Piper but she can't help thinking about what she did with Stella. She thought she could move on and forget it all but having Stella in the same prison as her is more difficult than she originally thought.

Piper enters the bathroom and slams the door of one of the cubicles. She sits on the toilet seat and cries hard. She has no one to blame but herself. Nicky just amplified the truth and Piper couldn't take it.

After concentrating on her breathing and her panic, Piper jumps as she hears someone hit the door to the cubicle with force. "Get the fuck out of there, I can hear you crying. I need to use the fucking toilet. There's plenty of other places to cry."

Piper rips a square of toilet paper and wipes the tears that are streaming down her cheeks. She opens the door and can see the culprit of the yelling. It's Flaca. It isn't even her bathroom but Piper doesn't bother to argue.

As Piper walks out of the cubicle to check the mess that has been left on her face from her tears, she is startled by Stella who is in line to use the bathroom.

"Are you alright Piper?" Stella asks concerned

"Yeah, how about you? Piper attempts to control her breathing so her words are heard clearly enough for Stella to understand.

"This place is heaven compared to max." Stella laughs

"Hey, I'm so sorry about what I did to you. I'm a horrible person. I don't want sympathy, or even an apology, I just want you to know that I'm sorry and that I know how much of a fuckup I am." Piper turns to follow Flaca leaving the bathroom.

"Piper, are you and Alex back together or is it just a show?" Piper pauses and looks at Stella over her shoulder.

"We are back together. I love her Stella. I don't want to do anything to hurt her ever again. I made a mistake with you and i have no one to blame except myself. She is the love of my life and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. She didn't deserve any of it and she still doesn't deserve me. I don't blame you for any of it. Just don't try anything alright?"

"I get it. I'm not going to get in the way of that. I was down for what we did but you obviously didn't know what you wanted. I don't think she deserves you either. The girl loves you and yet you came to me with no care. Don't do it to the girl again. I don't even like Vause and I feel sorry for her." Stella laughs as enters the bathroom stall

Piper is left to swallow the bitter taste of the truth. She struggles to maintain a regular heartbeat as tears forcefully push their way onto her skin. Piper wishes she could turn back time. If only she knew what she knows now. She hates her reflection in the mirror. She hates herself.

Piper can't help but go back and explain herself to Alex. She creeps back into the bunk with embarrassment as they all stare at her. The visible puffiness of Piper's eyes can still be seen but no sympathy is given. Piper sits down on the opposite side of Nicky where there is a spare spot on her bed.

"I'm really sorry." Piper's voice breaks

"What, you couldn't handle the truth could you? And you couldn't go one second without asking about your fucking girl Stella." Alex says with hurt noted in her voice

"I know what the truth is Alex and so do you, but hearing it straight out like that makes me regret it even more. I know you all think I'm a horrible person and that's because I am, but all I can do is apologise and never do it again. I can't turn back time, no matter how much I want to. I put her in max Alex. She didn't do anything wrong." Piper watches Alex follow the tears that roll down her cheek.

"I fucking hate you. I hate you so damn much. You realise how fucking stupid you are right? Flaca just told me about your little 'I'm so sorry Stella' business. Fool me once right? Do you understand what commitment is? Do you understand what being in a relationship is? Do you understand that people get _fucking_ hurt? _You're pathetic_. Go Piper, go cry on Stella's shoulder. I'm sure she can comfort you a lot better than I ever could." Alex is visibly shaking from her anger

"Are you serious right now? I feel bad for putting her in max so I apologised, but I told her all about us Al. I told her that I wanted to be with you and all that stuff that happened between Stella and I was a mistake. I promise you Alex. I promise you. Flaca only heard the start of our conversation and made up her own assumptions about the rest. I told you I would never go back there. I _am_ committed to you Alex. Why would you believe Flaca over me Al?" Piper is furious at Flaca for making it seem like she was connecting with Stella on a romantic level once again.

"You don't get to call me Al. I believe Flaca because she's never lied to me before and you have. This is over Piper. You just can't keep your fucking hands to yourself." Alex storms out of the bunk

"You're disgusting. I told you not to ever hurt Alex again and look what you did. Stella just got back and you're already going after her. What is Alex to you huh? Just a doormat? She loves you and you will never be what she deserves honey, you are nothing more than a user. I don't even want to sleep next to someone like you. You're carelessness and stupidity is enough to make anyone sick. I hope you're parents are proud of you Piper because I don't know any other parents who would be." Red screams at Piper as she gets up and shuffles closer to her with every word that leaves her mouth

"Red it's not what it sounds like. I swear." Piper tries to contain her aggression and confusion. She can't put her thoughts and feelings into words.

"Ha, you're still fucking lying. You just can't help yourself. Stay the fuck away from Alex, let her be fucking free of you. She doesn't deserve you. All she wanted to do was love you and you couldn't even let her do that without fucking it all up. Good job Chapman." Nicky storms out of the bunk in search for Alex

"You have changed a lot from the Piper Chapman I used to know." Miss Claudette quietly gives Red a pat on the back and leaves the bunk

Alex attempts to outrun her problems but they follow right behind her. She runs to the only place she can think no one would be in, but it's the place that haunts her mind everyday. She opens the doors to the chapel and is overwhelmed by horrific memories.

She cries loud as she grabs the church seats to hold her up. Her painful moans echo through the church.

"Woah, are you ok?" Alex is startled as she hears to voice of woman. She turns her head and can see the woman that contributed to the hurt she is now suffering from. It's Stella.

"Can you just get out." Alex struggles to get her words out as she cries beyond control

Stella cautiously walks towards Alex. Alex doesn't have the strength to tell her to leave again.

"I think I know what you're crying about. Piper told me about you two. She said that she wants to spend the rest of her life with you. That's a big step for her and you know that even more than I do. I didn't force Piper to kiss me, she did it voluntarily and I didn't realise how much you cared about her. If I did, I wouldn't have done it. You deserve better than being cheated on but if I'm honest, I know Piper loves you. I hope you know that too. Don't listen to anybody else except yourself. You don't need to cry over her. You need to figure out if she's worth leaving or worth staying with and be done with all the rest." Stella says quietly, but making sure Alex is able to hear her

Alex neutralises her breathing enough to get a sentence out "why are you trying to help me?"

"I was lost in love like you are once. The chick was amazing and I couldn't see myself with anyone else, but she didn't feel the same. All I did was moan and groan about the fact that she didn't want me and everyone told me that I should leave her, and so I did. It wasn't even really my decision. It was already decided by everyone around me and when the girl realised she truly did love me, I was already brainwashed by everyone's opinions. I never let her back in my life after I left her. She died a few months later in a car accident. My only regret is not making up my own mind, my own choices. Things might have ended up the same but at least it would have been my decision. That's why I'm helping you Alex, because I know how it feels."

Alex is taken back by Stella's story but she can't help but ask the question that's been running through her mind "What were you doing in the bathroom with Piper?"

"Long story short, Piper apologised for sending me down to max and then I asked her if you two were back together. She went on a long rant about how in love she was with you and that everything her and I did was a mistake on her part. She even told me she didn't deserve you, that you were too good for her." Stella raises her eyebrows at Alex

"Where was Flaca during all this?" Alex curiously asks

"She was in the bathroom but she left just after Piper started apologising to me. Don't know what the fuck she was even doing there but whatever."

Alex is hit with realisation Piper didn't do anything wrong with Stella in the bathroom. Alex's paranoia is getting the best of her, as it did before the incident with Aiden and she doesn't have the ability to control it.

"Well, look who we have here. You two best friends all of a sudden?" Nicky bursts into the chapel with her charisma as present as always

"Fuck Nicky, Piper didn't even do anything in the bathroom. We all attacked her. She didn't deserve it. I need to find her and apologise How can I be such a dick? It's like I want her to do something wrong. Fuck." Alex scrambles her way out of the chapel.

"Woah, what the fuck is going on in this place? I hated max with a passion, but at least it doesn't have any of this bullshit... So you didn't fuck Piper in the bathroom?" Nicky asks Stella as she smirks

"She's a hot chick but I think that moment has passed. All she did was apologise and talk about Alex. Speaking of Alex, she was freaking the fuck out when she came in here. Balling her eyes out and gasping like she just ran a marathon. She's in love with the chick, I see it. She's in too deep... You ever been in love Nichols?"

"I'm a lone wolf. I preach that all the time, but I was in love once. What's even worse is I was in love with a straight girl. Rule fucking number one of the lesbian handbook and I broke it. The girl was incredible though. Ignorant as fuck, but absolutely incredible." Nicky shakes her head, with images of the girl flashing within her mind.

"Who was it?" Stella can't help but ask

"I don't fall in love and tell." Nicky winks and proceeds to sit at the closest bench to Stella.

"So what are you doing in here anyway Stella? Telling God about all the sins you committed with me?" Nicky laughs

"You wish. Come around here. I'll show you" Stella pulls out her DIY tattoo gun and Nicky glares in appreciation and wonder

"Holy shit. You're not just a pretty face are you?" Nicky turns on the power and studies the contraption with precision and efficiency.

"You want a tat? I'll do it for you." Stella asks with a beaming smile

Nicky is still stunned by the ability to create a tattoo gun out of prison items but firmly agrees.

"Tell me where you want it and I'll surprise you." Stella takes hold of Nicky's leg with a delicate touch as Nicky points to her left calf, indicating the location she wants the tattoo in.

Stella dips the tip of the gun in the black ink that she has laid on aluminium foil and proceeds to lay the needle onto Nicky's bare skin.

With the needle piercing in and out of Nicky, she can't help but love the recognisable pain. "I swear, if it's your name on my leg I'll kill you with my bare hands."

"Oh shit, sorry. I'm going to have to go over it." Stella jokes

"Have you seen Piper's tattoo Nichols? I gave it to her. I'm the fucking tattoo artist of Litchfield."

"Chapman agreed to a tat? Are you serious?" Nicky laughs as she tries to keep herself still

"It says 'trust no bitch'. The fucking irony. Piper was the bitch that I shouldn't have trusted."

"That's the funniest thing i've ever heard in my fucking life. It's like i'm watching the Bold & The Beautiful."

They remain in their positions for a long while until Stella is finally finished.

"Have a look." Stella says as she turns off the power and cleans the tip of the needle with a tissue.

Nicky looks down at her calf and sees a tattoo of a wolf. It is stamped with an average finish which is better than some of Nicky's other home job tattoo's. "A fucking lone wolf huh? What am I going to have to give you for this? Can I pay you in sex because that's all I can do for you." Nicky laughs as Stella does the same

"It's all good Nichols. Consider it repayment for helping me stay sane in max."

Alex quietly peeks into Piper's bunk to see if she is there and sure enough, she is. Piper's sobs faintly into her pillow, visibly trying to suppress any noise that is escaping her mouth.

"Pipes?" Alex projects her husky voice just loud enough for Piper to hear. Piper turns her head in embarrassment and decides to sit up from her lying down position.

"I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. I'm so sorry. I, I just don't have a grip on my own insecurities yet and I jumped to conclusions. I know you didn't do anything Piper." Alex tries to speak with a regular flow but fails miserably as her nervousness firmly stands in the way.

Piper wipes her tears with the back of her hand and breaths in deep before exhaling the same. "I told you I'd never lie to you again Alex. I understand why you can't trust me yet, but it burns when I'm actually telling you the truth. I don't know why I asked about Stella. Honestly. I think it was the guilt just eating away at me. I'm sorry too."

"Fuck Piper, we are worse than all these messed up prison relationships put together." Alex sits next to Piper and cautiously puts her arm around her as Piper grabs her hand and caresses it softly.

"They've got nothing on us." Piper and Alex laugh as they squeeze their bodies together.

Piper holds Alex's head on her shoulder as she kisses her forehead with soft, delicate lips. "I'm going to miss you."

"I'm going to miss you too... If Stella starts playing games with you, you better call me straight away. Regardless of if I'm in the prison or not, I'm going to protect you." Alex tilts her head to the side and gives Piper a long, passionate kiss on the cheek.

"Don't worry Al, I'm a big girl. And I don't want you to worry about Stella once you're out. I won't even look at her. She is another stranger in this dysfunctional prison. If she wants to play games, she's messing with the wrong girls." Piper smiles at Alex with a pristine grin.

"Can I take back what I said before about us being done. I don't want to be done. We are still at the beginning of everything." Alex looks deep into Piper's eyes, pleading for approval.

"Of course Al. I love you."

 _Author notes:_

 _Sometimes, the direction in which I think a chapter will go, changes through the course of writing it and i've learnt to embrace it instead of fighting it. This is more of a filling in chapter, but I assure you, there is plenty more to come. More heartbreak, more aggression and more confusion. I appreciate all your reviews and your followings and I hope you enjoy what is to come_


	7. Assumptions, assumptions, assumptions

Despite their overarching egos, Red and Nicky built up the courage to apologise to Piper for falsely accusing her of having sexual relations with Stella in the bathroom. Although their apologies were sincere, grudges are still evident as they never fail to forget the fact that Piper asked about Stella, before she even asked about Nicky and Miss Claudette's time down in max.

Piper hated the way they attacked her but could understand their protection of Alex and accepted their apologies without any disregard or extra confrontation.

For once, there is quiet and peaceful times in Litchfield, but today is the day Piper has been dreading. It's the day she tricked herself into thinking would _never_ come. It's the day Alex is being released from prison.

While Alex is busy talking to her counsellor, Piper aimlessly walk around the corridors trying to think of the words to say to Alex before she leaves. Despite having feelings so strong towards Alex, she can't construct the way she feels at all. Everything that she seems to think of is just an array of giant understatements. Piper and Alex have been through too much to say goodbye so simply.

The realisation of Alex's release grows increasingly painful and torturous like a deadly disease that Piper now has embedded within herself.

Piper can't recall how long she has been walking the corridors but she is brought back to reality as she sees Sophia leaning up against the wall outside her salon. "I heard about Alex's release. You can't have her last image of you looking like that honey. No offence. I'll doll you up for half price, just for today. You won't be sorry." Sophia explains, smiling at Piper.

Piper comes to the conclusion that maybe words won't be able to express the way she feels, but appearances might. She agrees to Sophia's offer and is soon hurled into a chair and made to feel less like an inmate in prison and more like a regular civilian in the outside world.

Sophia meticulously cuts and styles as Piper remains still and silent. Although there isn't many people to trust in prison, Sophia can always be trusted with the hair of the inmate in her salon chair.

Within the hour, Piper's hair is completed and she stares in awe at the unrecognisable figure that looks back at her in the mirror. Loose curls drop gracefully beside her face as the diverse shades of gold shine within each strand of hair. She can't remember what it feels like to actually look good.

Nicky pops her head into the salon. "Hey Chapman, Vause is going. I'll meet you down there ok."

Before Piper has time to reply, Nicky rockets out of the salon as quickly as she came in.

Piper is suddenly struck by panic as she thanks Sophia and leaves the salon to go and say goodbye to Alex.

Piper strides through the corridors with the same confusion that she had this morning. She doesn't know if she will be able to hold herself together when saying goodbye, or even if she can come to grips with being alone in the prison once again. The last time that happened, Piper was selfish enough to get Alex thrown back into prison. She can't do that again. She reinforces that she needs to suck up the pain and let Alex embrace her freedom.

The corridors are vastly empty except for Stella who shares a friendly smile with Piper and Piper does the same in return as they cross paths.

Alex says her bittersweet goodbyes to inmate after inmate, but the one person she needs to say goodbye to is nowhere to be found.

"Where the fuck is Piper?" Alex whispers into Nicky's ear

"I told her you were about to leave. She was at Sophia's salon getting her hair dolled up for you and everything. Where the fuck would she go?"

Alex looks around the room and notices another inmate that should be saying goodbye but isn't here. "Have you seen Stella around this morning?" Alex enters panic mode as possibilities enter her mind, flashing with horror.

"You don't think..." Nicky doesn't have to finish her sentence to know exactly what Alex is thinking

"Vause, let's go. Freedom's right around the corner." Officer Bell shares a rare smile with Alex. Alex wonders if it's because of her circumstances, or if Officer Bell is finally going soft.

"See ya round kiddo." Nicky gives Alex a long, tight hug before she leaves down the corridor with no explanation.

"You know, I consider you as one of my daughters in here Alex. I'm so happy for you." Red shares a genuine smile with Alex as she squeezes her hand within hers.

The other inmates say goodbye one by one until finally there is no one left.

Alex's vision starts to get hazy as she begins to well up with tears. She somehow manages to have the inmates believe the tears are because of the sadness of leaving, but the real truth is that she can't believe Piper isn't here. Alex knows she can't jump to conclusions, but she can't help herself. She is fed up with trusting and being trampled on time and time again by the same person. She should have known better. Piper can't be alone, and for Piper, it's only logical to rebound into someone who will comfort her while Alex is free. Alex was so wrong for thinking Stella could keep her hands off her. She should have known she would give in.

Alex hurls her bag of belongings over her shoulder and waves goodbye to all the inmates. They share tears of joy, sadness and jealousy as they watch her leave through the barred gates, wishing it was them.

Alex's legs struggle to carry her weight as she uncontrollably shakes with the thought of Piper and Stella together. She jumps into the back of the prison van and tries to establish some form of control over her emotions as she is greeted with a kind smile from Pennsatucky. She tries to remember that she is being released, that she is free. No more scheduled meals, no more guards constantly watching over her and no more cold showers. Even the realisation of getting out isn't enough to stop Alex from crying in the back seat of the van.

Piper walks past the utility closet and vividly remembers the state that Alex was in when she had looked down at her wounds, how guilty Piper felt. Alex was never one to turn down intimacy but that day was an extreme exception. Within the few days of Alex being back in prison, they never got to relive the intimacy that they both had once craved so much. Things have changed beyond belief.

Suddenly, the door of the utility closet flings open, nearly knocking Piper over. Flaca and Gloria emerge from the darkness of the closet and grab Piper by her wrists and feet, hauling her into the confined space.

"WHAT THE FUCK, GET OFF ME." Piper screams and flocks her arms and legs viciously as she has her mouth taped over with electrical tape. Flaca's slender fingers stick it in place. With aggressive movements, Piper is quickly tired out and attempts to breathe as her mouth is covered tightly.

"You wanted to fuck with me, now I fuck with you Chapman. Are you ready to die bitch? Because I'm ready to kill you." Flaca whispers ferociously in Piper's ear as Flaca reveals a kitchen knife from the waistband of her pants.

Gloria holds Piper down with all her force as Flaca starts teasing Piper with the knife. She drags it softly down her neck and lifts up Pipers shirt.

Piper attempts to scream but the result is a whimper of a noise that is being contained by the tape covering her mouth opening.

The cynical feeling of the knife glides across Piper's stomach as Flaca starts making tiny paper like cuts that bring both Gloria and Flaca immense joy as they quietly laugh with each other. The small cuts sting as Piper tries to wriggle out of Gloria's arms but fails disappointingly.

"Liking it so far Chapman? Because we're having a great time. Round two will be even more eventful."

Piper's eyes bulge in fear as she rolls over all the possibilities of how this is going to end.

Flaca holds the tip of the knife gently onto Piper's skin before forcefully pushing it into her.

Blood dribbles and oozes as Piper's tries to ignore the pain and hold back her screams. She remembers her mentality when she first came to prison. Don't show weakness. But with these circumstances, it's a lot more difficult than it once was.

Through the pain, Piper can see Gloria and Flaca smiling at each other before sharing a loud laugh.

The door to the utility closet flies open and hits the side of Flaca's head. "I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU LOVED HER, YOU FUCKING BITCH...woah, what the fuck." It's Nicky.

She holds her arms up in surrender as her panic struck eyes look into Piper's, then follow down to her stab wound. The silence is sickening but is quickly lost when Nicky bolts out of the closet.

"HEY, GET BACK HERE." Gloria unhooks from Piper and proceeds to chase after Nicky while Flaca is completely disorientated and attempts to hold onto the wall for stability.

Piper lifts herself up from the ground and rips the tape off her mouth. A layer of her lip leaves with the tape as Piper presses her finger up to the sting, trying to numb it and stop the bleeding. She quickly glances at Flaca and then sprints out, calling for help with every painful stride she takes. Down the corridor, she turns a sharp right and barges into Nicky and two guards. "Help me please." Piper pleads as she loses her footing and comes crashing down onto the cold floor.

Officer O'Neil glances at Piper with panic as he runs towards the utility closet. Nicky thinks it's the first time he's ever ran in his life.

Nicky crouches onto the floor and lays her hand on Piper's wound, applying pressure while the newly hired, startled guard beside them is mumbling into her receiver.

"We thought you were with Stella. When I heard you screaming from the closet I was about to sock you right across the head. I'm sorry kid, really. We shouldn't have jumped to conclusions. These fuckers we call guards don't know what they are doing, so we have to get you to the back of the prison, ok?" Nicky calmly explains as Piper nods.

Piper is lifted off the ground with a torturous moan as Nicky waddles beside her.

"Hey, where are you inmates going?" The new guard asks with uncertainty.

"She just got stabbed. What the fuck do you want her to do..., just sit on the floor and drown in her own blood. I know you're new here but it only takes common sense to realise that she needs an ambulance." Nicky is on the verge of yelling, caused by her frustration and the ignorance of the guard.

"Uhh, we need an ambulance for one of the inmates here. We are walking her to the back where the van can pick her up. Uhh, can you notify the guys at the gate so they can let the ambulance in?" The guard stumbles her words as she helps Nicky walk Piper to the back entrance of the prison.

The ambulance approaches the prison within the next 20 minutes and Piper is hauled into the back with the recurring image of Alex in her mind. She didn't even get to say goodbye. It wasn't a big ask. She just wanted to kiss her and tell her that's she will miss her. Instead, Alex thinks she was too busy fucking Stella as she left the prison. The physical pain of her stab wound is horrific, but the emotional pain that she is feeling for Alex is _so_ much worse.

"Nicky, can you call Alex and tell her what happened please?" Nicky can sense the sadness in Piper's tone

"Yeah, of course. Get better kiddo, I'll see you soon." Nicky shares a smile with Piper

"Tell her I love her... And I'm sorry."

"Will do Chapman."

"Thanks Nicky."

The doors of the ambulance close shut with a loud thud.

 _Author notes:_

 _I hope I scared you guys for a bit there. The tumultuous life of Vauseman has only just begun. Alex is out of prison, Piper is in hospital, and the fate of Flaca and Gloria is still also unknown. Stay tuned for the next chapter. And thank you again for your following. Enjoy x_


	8. Melancholy

It's crazy how the simple things turn out to be the most significant when you're deprived of basic rights and ostracised from the outside world. Alex missed just being in a car and having the ability to see a landscape other than what's surrounding the prison.

What is a seemingly short ride in the van with Pennsatucky and an unfamiliar guard, comes to an abrupt end as Pennsatucky pulls into a bus station.

"This is you're stop. For what it's worth, I'm _sorry_ about all the grief I gave you and your girl in there. I saw how she was when you were gone. Big Boo's taught me a lot and made me open my eyes to a whole _new_ world. Have fun on the outside kid." Pennsatucky is seemingly genuine in her comment, but Alex knows that it is never easy seeing other inmates leave while you're still stuck on the inside. Alex is even more taken back by her apology, but the pain of Piper comes back harsher and more aggressive. For a second, Alex had forgotten. She was lost in the world around her that she forgot about Piper and Stella. Before Alex loses it again, she thanks Pennsatucky, grabs her belongings and hops out of the van to wait for her bus.

Alex is too afraid to go back to Queens. Queens was the place she was on edge every living second. It was where Alex was thrown back into her past and back into prison. Instead of repeating her mistakes, she opts for Jersey City. She has no money, no permanent home, no direction, but Jersey sprung from her pen as she filled in her prison paperwork. Alex believes with all her heart that if she keeps her head low, no one will be able to find her. Not Kubra, not anyone she ever knew. No one, except for her probation officer.

After hours on the road in a dirty public bus, Alex makes it to her apartment that is a significant degree lower than her taste. Despite this, it's a giant step up from the prison life Alex knows.

Alex had to organise her residents from inside the prison which was a difficult task in itself, considering Alex didn't have access to money except for the few dollars left from working in the prison. She was able to negotiate payment with the landlord and sign a contract that ended at the end of her probation period, all within the visitation room of the prison.

Before Alex left the prison, she had given her new phone number to Piper on a small piece of paper that she had left on the top of her bed before she left. Alex regrets it now. She regrets all she gave to Piper after she was with Stella.

"I need to ring Vause and tell her about Piper. I need her number.." Nicky shouts at Ms Rogers

"I can't release that kind of information Nicky."

"I don't fucking care if you call her yourself. She needs to know. She thinks Piper was with someone else when she left. Piper's in hospital. PLEASE. Just fucking call her." Nicky demands, violently getting in the face of the placid Ms Rogers.

"I understand your concern but no matter what you say to me, neither you or I will be calling Alex. She needs to settle into her surroundings, especially after the events that have occurred while in the prison. She doesn't need the added stress."

" _This is bullshit_. You're bullshit." Nicky storms out of the counsellors office and into white suburbia in search for Red.

Red stands facing Piper's bed, stroking her uniform that lays on the bed.

"You will never guess what fucking happened. Piper got jumped by those two fucking Spanish girls while Vause was getting out. We thought Piper was with Stella. And now I'm trying to call Vause to tell her but everything is just fucked and..." Nicky heaves with every breath she takes as she tries to control her panic

"Nicky stop honey. I heard. You know, the last uniform Piper had was covered in Alex's blood. Drenched in it. It was horrendous, but Piper's state was worse. You should have seen her. She wouldn't even talk to anyone. When she saw Alex come back, it was like she was born again. It's the kind of love I always wanted but never had. What's wrong with us Nicky? Prison does horrible things to people but I never thought I would turn into this person that I am. We jumped on Piper like a pack of wild dogs. That poor girl. She learnt from her mistake and we were too blind to see that. I give two strikes to my girls, not one." Red picks up Piper's uniform and neatly folds it. In the process, she uncovers a small piece of paper laying on the bed.

"What is it?" Nicky curiously asks

Red picks up the piece of paper and glances at it with a pensive look. She smiles at Nicky as she passes it to her. "Go call Alex."

Nicky rushes to the unused phone that lay loosely on the lines. With quick precision, she dials the number and waits for an answer from Alex. After several rounds of the repetitive ring, Nicky hangs up the phone.

"Fucking Vause, answer the fucking phone." Nicky whispers

Nicky attempts to call Alex continuously until finally, the phone jolts to life with Alex's voice.

"STOP CALLING ME PIPER. I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU." Alex's screams are enough to have Nicky's head buzzing.

"Woah there Vause, don't hang up, it's Nichols."

"Nicky? How did you get my number?" Alex says confused

"Doesn't matter. Vause, Chapman was stabbed by those fuckhead Spanish chicks. She wasn't with Stella."

"Are you fucking with me? What the fuck. Is, is she alright?" Alex's concern radiates through the phone

"She'll be alright. They took her to the hospital. Probably will just get some stitches into her and be shoved back here in no time. I didn't want you to do anything crazy while you're out. I know how you were with the drugs and I know why. I didn't want it to happen again because of something that isn't even true." Nicky pieced together Alex's drug addiction a long time ago and figured it was because of Piper. Nicky has been involved in her fair share of drug addiction and knows exactly what they can do to a person and that is why Nicky was in such a hurry to talk to Alex. She knows how easily one can relapse.

"Why the fuck did I jump to conclusions Nicky? I can't trust people. I can't even trust the person that loves me. Fuck what is wrong with me? It's all because of fucking Kubra and Aiden. They made me like this. I was never like this before... Do you think they will let me see her?"

"They don't let anyone in Vause." Nicky lets out a deep sigh

"Those fucking Spanish bitches. Who the fuck do they think they are? If I was still in there I would slam their heads against a fucking wall until their common sense comes back. Fuck." Alex becomes more furious the more she thinks about it.

"There's nowhere to hide in this prison so they'll be going to max in no time... Vause, Chapman said she loves you and that she was sorry. She cares a lot about you kid. I could tell she was more angry at the fact that she didn't get to say goodbye to you, rather than the fact that she got stabbed. When she comes back is there anything you want me to say to her for you?"

"Oh my god. Just tell her to call me as soon as she can. I need to talk to her. And that I love her. Fuck I love her."

"I know Vause. Enjoy your freedom. Talk to you soon."

"Thanks Nicky."

The line cuts out and Nicky feels a sense of melancholy after speaking to Alex. Nicky knows how much pain Alex must be in after hearing about Piper getting stabbed but it's better than finding out later when it's too late.

"GET THE FUCK OFF ME. I NEED TO SEE MY BABIES, I CAN'T GO DOWN THE HILL. PLEASE. I'M SORRY." Nicky is startled by the screams of a familiar inmate. It's Gloria. She is being dragged through the corridor by two C.O's that forcefully push her along. Nicky snarls and shares a disgusted smirk at Gloria to let her know she got what she deserved.

"FUCK YOU PUTA." Gloria spits in Nicky's direction while Nicky laughs at Gloria's failed attempt.

"Oh my goodness, what happened there?" Lorna innocently walks in the direction of Nicky as her face stays concerned

"Mendoza and Flaca tried to kill Piper." Nicky says in a serious tone.

Lorna's mouth drops.

"Shut your mouth kid, you're gonna catch some flies or maybe even an STD up in here." Nicky laughs at her own remark

"Is she alright?" Lorna asks

"She'll be fine." Nicky softly pats Lorna's back with care

"I haven't spoken to you properly since I got back. How have you been kid?" Nicky smiles genuinely at Lorna

"Good, good. I'm married now and everything."

"Who's the loser." Nicky smirks

"His name is Vince and he is not a loser. He is lovely and kind and handsome and perfect."

"Yuck, can you get me a bucket because this shit is revolting." Nicky mimics the actions of a throw up as Lorna stares with disgust.

"No one has ever loved me like Vince loves me." Lorna glances at Nicky with happiness embedded in her eyes

"You know that's bullshit right?"

"How is that bullshit Nicky? Tell me."

"That pubescent piece of shit can never love you like I love you." Nicky scoffs and walks away from Lorna, leaving her to absorb the words that have stained her ears.

 _Author notes:_

 _Sorry for the delay. Exams are taking over my life at the moment and unfortunately Vauseman took a back seat. Much more to come in the next couple of chapters. This chapter was basically getting everything situated for the events that are going to occur in the near future._


	9. I fucking miss you, and so did she

It's been one whole week since Alex has been free, well partially free. Her probation officer checks on her avidly which Alex hates, but she enjoys her time alone. That is when she is not thinking about Piper. Alex beats herself up thinking about how Piper must be feeling right now, because she knows that being in hospital alone is not a good form of solitude. It sucks, especially when your mind wraps itself around all different problems and all different people when all you're meant to be doing is recovering.

Thankfully for Alex, her probation officer is not David Crockett once again, but is a kind, yet sturdy looking male by the name of Kevin Milano. Alex tries to believe that Kevin wants her to finish her probation period with no problems or infractions of the law. Then again, Alex is far from putting her trust in him as a probation officer.

Alex hears a knock on the door. She calmly walks up to it, checks the peephole, and sure enough it's Kevin Milano.

As she opens the door, Kevin flashes her a kind smile. "Good morning Alex, how have you been?"

"I've been fine." Although Alex finds Kevin both professional and genuine in his actions, she still remains brief with her words.

"Now listen Alex. I know you've been doing _really_ well over the past week but you're going to have to start looking for employment.

"Ugh." Alex cannot stand the thought of work. The only work she had ever known was with drugs but that is not an option anymore. She has no skills or even any career aspirations. The last thing she wants to do is get caught up in a shitty job flipping burgers. She's better than that, but she knows that not many people are going to jump at the idea of hiring a felon.

"I understand that the reason you were in prison was your career, but this is the real world now where you have to get a legal job and work hard to earn money. I recommend putting a huge smile on your dial and handing in your resume to a few of the local places around town. Can you do that for me Alex? I know you don't want to, but it's part of your probation conditions and will help you out in the long run." Kevin puts on a forced grin and waits for Alex to reply

"I mean, I can try." Alex sighs and catches herself in the mirror that is placed to her left. Being a felon on the outside is degrading and so is her reflection. Prison was awful but at least you're in the same playing field as everyone else. No one had the right to judge that you committed a crime because everyone in there did too.

The ringing of the phone hung up on the wall suddenly sends a burst of energy through the room. Alex dashes to pick it up as she excuses herself from the position her and Kevin were standing in.

 _*An inmate from Litchfield Federal Prison is attempting to contact you. To accept this call, please press one_ *

Alex does as the automated voice message informs her to do.

"Hello?"

"Alex." Piper sighs in relief as she hears Alex's voice

"Oh my god Piper. Are you ok?" Alex's heart starts beating in her chest as she clutches the phone tighter.

"I'm fine now. Just a few stitches, but I'm fine... Nicky says she already told you but I just wanted to say that I am _so sorry_ I didn't get to say goodbye. My whole morning was spent preparing for it and I didn't even get to see you at all."

"Why are you apologising for you idiot?" Alex laughs into the phone as Piper can hear her smile

"Because all I wanted to do was hold you and kiss you before you left." Alex smiles wide.

"I know Pipes. Me too. But all I care about is that you're safe and alive." Alex realises how "Hollywood movie cliché" that statement was, but she couldn't think of any other way to put it.

Kevin coughs loudly and purposefully in the background, getting Alex's attention immediately.

"Hey Pipes, just give me a second. I just have to talk to my probation officer ok?"

"Don't tell me is David fucking Crockett."

Alex cannot contain her laughter. "Thankfully it's not Piper. I'll be back in a sec."

Alex turns her attention to Kevin as he gets up to leave Alex's apartment.

"I'm sorry to be rude, my girlfriend just got out of hospital."

Kevin's eyebrows heighten. "Uh that's ok, I just felt as if I was intruding on your conversation. Look into possible employment facilities by the time I visit you next alright? Hurry up and get back to that phone, she's not going to wait forever." Kevin playfully laughs as he turns his back on Alex and exits the apartment with the closing of the door behind him echoing through the corridor.

Alex returns to the phone and longs for Piper's embrace that much more.

"Piper?"

"Yeah, I'm still here." Piper says in the cute voice that makes Alex melt.

" _Fuck I miss you_. Like I _really_ fucking miss you. It's only been a week. Just hurry up and get out. I just keep thinking about you." It pains Alex to admit how much she misses Piper because she knows there's nothing she can do about it. She has to deal with phone conversations until she is able to visit Piper, and even then, they are so restricted that it's nothing compared to how they would be on the outside together.

"I know sweetheart, I know. I'll be out in no time. I have to get off the phone now Al, but i love you _so_ much. I'm going to get you put on my visitation list by tomorrow so you can come visit soon and I'll call you when it's all done. _I love you_."

"I love you too Piper." Alex's eyes start to well up with tears. She doesn't want Piper to leave.

"Bye my love."

"Bye" Alex says in a whisper as she tries not to let Piper hear her crying.

The line cuts dead and Alex has a new found tearful aggression for herself and her situation that seeps out of her body.

The furniture in Alex's apartment is scarce but she manages to demolish all that she can lay her hands onto. Alex grabs the lamp that is still connected to the power and throws it across the room with enough force to have it shatter when it hits the wall.

"WHY THE FUCK DID I DO THIS? WHY DID I START WITH THE DRUGS? NOTHING WOULD BE FUCKED UP LIKE IT IS NOW. I WOULDN'T BE CRAVING MY FUCKING GIRLFRIEND RIGHT NOW BECAUSE SHE WOULDN'T BE IN FUCKING PRISON. SHE WOULDN'T HAVE LEFT IT PARIS AND WE WOULD BE FUCKING TOGETHER."

Alex grabs the kitchen knife that lays on the counter. She studies it as her breathing remains uncontrollable and heavy. Alex throws the knife into the plaster wall of the living room with all her strength. The knife sticks in the wall and remains as Alex slides down the kitchen counter and begins to wail. She sobs until it hurts. Until all she can do is lay on the floor and whimper because her tears have run dry.

"What's wrong with me?" Alex is alone in her apartment and her own words dig deeper than anyone else's Alex knows all her flaws and all her wrong doings and for the first time in her life, she admits it's all her fault. Every single part of it. She is sick of blaming other people and throwing her guilt onto them. They don't deserve it. It's all her fault.

After Piper hangs up the phone, she wants to be alone. Hearing Alex's sultry voice makes it that much more difficult to be away from her. Nothing can ever go right. Their relationship is always intercepted by other people or their own weaknesses and insecurities. Piper thinks that Alex seemed relatively ok on the phone, so she didn't want to be selfish and push all her issues onto her when Alex is the one dealing with the changes of the outside world. Piper wonders how life would seem once she gets out. She knows that even if she is with Alex, it will never be like it used to be. There will be no lavish hotels in Paris where they can do nothing but embrace in each others warmth. They need to be realistic. They need jobs. Piper hates the idea almost as much as Alex does.

After a long moment of deliberation with herself, Piper cautiously makes her way to the bathroom, making sure she does not bump into any inmates as they all walk to the cafeteria for their lunch on cue. Piper thinks if she can sneak into one of the cubicles, she might just be able to stay there until the inmates start finishing their lunch. She needs the solitude. She needs the peace. But solitude and peace never seem to be in the recipe of prison, especially when an attractive inmate seems to startle Piper as she make her way into the bathroom.

"Stella, they're going through that food like they've never eaten before. Best be heading over if you want something other than the slop left at the bottom of the trays." Piper wants nothing more than for Stella to leave the bathroom

"If you wanted to get rid of my that easily you should have just said so Piper." Stella laughs as she stares at Piper with a pensive look

"What are you staring at?" Piper frowns in deep thought

"I heard about you getting knifed... You alright?"

"I'm fine." Piper stands still with the hopefulness that Stella will leave. She doesn't.

"When I heard about it I couldn't help but be terrified. No one told me any details so I didn't know if you would even make it back."

"Funnily enough Stella, I've been in that situation before."

"It's crazy. Your mind is suddenly filled with things you wish you said and things you wish you did. I try to live a life without regrets but damn there is so much I wanted to say and do to you Piper." Stella walks closer to Piper until their bodies are centimetres apart. Piper can feel Stella's warm breath on her mouth. Before Stella leans in closer to Piper's mouth, she opens it and let's out a whisper of words. "I love you Piper.

 _ **Author notes:**_

 _ **Updating times are going to vary from here on in, so just bear with me until my exams are all over. I didn't want to do this to you readers in this chapter but it has a funny way of ending up nothing like I first anticipate. Nonetheless, I hope you enjoy it, but I warn you that assumptions should not be made. Stay tuned as always and I thank you all for following the tumultuous relationships that seem to make it's appearances in this fanfic.**_


	10. Not so nice guy

"Get away from me." Piper pushes Stella away

"Oh so now you want to be a little bitch? You're alone here. Alex isn't going to save you. She's probably out there fucking someone else as we speak."

"Don't you dare talk like that about Alex. What is wrong with you? And I thought I had issues." Piper attempts to step beside Stella and leave the bathroom but in the process, Stella grabs Piper's wrist and squeezes it until Piper can't handle the pressure any longer.

"You stupid bitch. You realise all you do is cling onto people and make them fall for you and just push them away after you don't need them anymore. I hope Alex figured out how worthless you are. You best be careful, because you know what I could do Piper? Rumours spread like wildfire in here right? For all they know, you cheated on Alex again. With me."

"You fucking wouldn't."

"Oh but Piper, you created a lie that got me thrown into max, and now I'll create a lie that will get you thrown out of your relationship. I think it's pretty fair."

"Is this how you handle denial Stella? I'm dedicated to Alex... Is that so hard to comprehend? I already apologised to you and believe me, I felt like shit when I put you in max but I thought we were past that. Every fucking time Alex and I finally start getting back on track something has to come and ruin it." Piper stars to tear up as she pleads to Stella with her eyes

"Maybe it's a fucking sign. You two were never meant to be together. You should end up alone."

"You don't know our relationship. You don't know Alex. And you don't even know me. So why don't you just shut your mouth. Let's pretend like this never happened because I can play this game too, even better than you can."

"You've got nothing on me baby."

"Don't call be baby. You want me to scream right now? Show the guards my wrist? These kinds of marks funnily look like you tried to rape me. Rape will send you back down the hill in two seconds flat. If you want to play games, I'll play games Stella."

"Fucking Cold War all over again." Stella stares down Piper with vindictive eyes as Piper leaves past her in a panicked state

Inmates start to roll back into their dorms as lunch begins to wind down. Piper walks to her bed and for the first time in a long time, she hides under the covers and clings to them in a hope that no one will see her.

"Hey, you're back." Due to slop being the new addition to the kitchen, Red is able to spend a lot less time in there and let's the Spanish girls clean up without her. This is the first time Red has seen Piper after she was in hospital.

"Yeah." Piper is blunt and borderline rude

"What's the matter honey?"

"Just fucking everything." Piper's voice breaks as she covers her tears behind her blanket

"I know I haven't been the best of people in here lately but you can tell me what's wrong Piper. Are you missing Alex?"

"I miss Alex and I'm going to get killed by Spanish bitches and my family hates me and Stella is going to ruin my relationship with Alex." Piper sobs hard

"Why is Stella suddenly in the picture again?"

"I was in the bathroom and she tried to kiss me. I pushed her away but rumours have a way of making it seem like it's the truth. I don't know what her problem is. I'm so selfish Red. I'm such a horrible person. All I want is for Alex to be here with me."

"That Stella is no good. I knew it from the very beginning. I guarantee you she won't be saying anything. If she does, she'll have my kitchen knife up her ass. And Piper, we are all missing people in here. My boys are out there fucking their lives up and I can't do shit from in here. Don't think that you have it any harder in here than anyone else. You don't understand how much people need their loved ones and how much it hurts to be away from them."

"I'm sorry Red."

"I'm not one you have to be sorry to. Stop drowning in your tears and do your time so you can get out and be with her."

"Stella said that Alex and I should never be together and that Alex should realise how worthless I am."

"What does that bitch know? You're going to let her dictate your life? If you're that weak, don't bother standing up for anything. Especially your relationship."

"They cut deep, that's all."

"So do stab wounds. But look at you now all stitched up."

…...

The inmates that came back from the max facility have finally gotten their khaki sign of approval and have their designated bunks and job assignments. Through a shuffle of people, Nicky was surprisingly bunked with Lorna.

"Hey kid." Nicky walks into her new bunk and can see Lorna who is lost in some form of letter. Lorna glances up as Nicky enters.

"You're in here?"

"Yeah, you're going to just put up with me." Nicky gives a playful wink at Lorna

"I've been meaning to talk to you Nicky."

"Oh fuck, here we go." Nicky rolls her eyes

"About what you said before, did you mean it?" Lorna places her letter down and puts her undivided attention on Nicky

"Of course I fucking meant it. I wouldn't just say it."

"Did you mean it in a friend way?"

"Wow, you sound like you're seven years old again and you think boys have germs." Nicky sends out a echoing laugh

"Seriously Nicky." Lorna turns increasingly serious

"It doesn't matter." Nicky turns away from Lorna in an attempt to avoid eye contact

"Yes it does."

"Rule number fucking one." Nicky whispers to herself

"What did you say?"

"I said this bunk smells like asshole."

"Nicky, you have so many feelings just shoved down inside you. It's not good. From one ex fuck buddy to another, talk to me." Lorna pleads

"You were never just a fuck buddy ok?" Nicky sighs as she realises her protective barrier is falling down

"Then what was I?"

There is a long suspense filled silence in which Lorna keeps her eyes locked onto Nicky.

"You know Chapman's back?" Nicky says in a bland tone, with the direct attempt to get the conversation away from her deep feelings.

"You change the subject of a conversation more than anyone I've ever met Nicky. Out of all the people in here, I thought I could be the one you open up to."

"I don't need to open up to anybody. I'm fine. I'm a fucking lone wolf. Look..." Nicky lifts up her prison pants to reveal her tattoo to Lorna.

"I'm not even going to ask how you got that, but Nicky even lone wolves aren't alone forever."

"What are you trying to play at Morello?"

"I'm just saying you need to find somebody in here. Someone real. I wasn't fair to you and I left you. I'm going to set you up with someone you deserve."

"Oh my god. Thanks but no thanks." Nicky smiles as she leaves the bunk

…...

Alex has built up the courage and disregarded her pride as she walked down to the local café. Feeling extremely embarrassed and foolish, she handed in her job application with a forced smile and a forged resume. Alex's first impressions of the manager are horrific. In less than ten seconds flat, Alex knows that she hates her and her snobby rich girl attitude. Alex smirks at the fact that this girl thinks she is top shit working in a café. If only Alex told her what she did for a living before she went to prison. That would shut her up.

Alex walks the two blocks back to her apartment and is surprised to see her probation officer Kevin waiting at the door. She wasn't aware that he was due this early in the day. With the dangling of Alex's keys, Kevin turns around in surprise and gives Alex a warm smile.

"Guess what I was doing for you." Alex still can't comprehend the fact that she is actually putting in effort to find a job.

"What's that?"

"I put in a job application." Alex opens the door and let's herself in, with Kevin closely following.

"Good job Alex. I'm so glad. But getting a job is more for your benefit than mine. Believe me."

"Why are you here so early? If I would have known I would have stayed home."

"There's just something I need to do."

Kevin stands with his back on the door and turns to lock it shut. He walks over to Alex slowly and sensually until he is at arms length away. Kevin pushes Alex against the wall hard, jolting her head back to hit the plaster. With one giant, powerful motion, Kevin raises his fist and hits Alex across the cheek resulting in a scream and a purple bruise the second his warm fist leaves her skin.

"What the fuck."

 _ **Author notes:**_

 _ **Piper retained her dedication to Alex and their relationship even though a surprising opportunity arose in the bathroom. Stella and Piper now both have the power to ruin each others lives with the single term of 'rumours'. Will either one of them dare to start this prison war?**_

 _ **Nicky is having an extremely tough time coming to grips with her own emotions and efficiently turns deep conversations into nothing more than small talk with Lorna, which in turn, gets her frustrated. Will Nicky share her emotions with Lorna? Or will she have to participate in horrific dates within the prison?**_

 _ **Kevin Milano isn't the nice guy that Alex presumed he was. She had never put her walls down, but comfort has allowed him to put Alex in a torturous position once again. Why is Kevin doing this to Alex? What does he want to achieve?**_

 _ **All for you to find out in the upcoming chapters.**_


	11. Familiarity of restriction

Kevin's wrists are now firmly gripping onto Alex's, making her incapable of breaking loose. Alex can see sweat dribbling down Kevin's forehead as he moves his face sickeningly close to Alex's.

" _I'm sorry._ " Kevin whispers into Alex's partially opened mouth. She is pinned to the wall by her wrists and is trying not to panic.

"What are you doing?" Alex says while her breathing is heavy and her heartbeat increases as Kevin squeezes her wrists tighter.

Kevin's eyes look directly into Alex's vindictively.

"I _'m doing what I'm here to do_." Kevin releases one of Alex's wrists and grips tight of her hair from the root and pulls it with a powerful force, yanking Alex into the kitchen counter that is located to her left.

With Alex leaning onto the kitchen counter, Kevin comes up behind her and holds her body in one arm. Alex can hear him rustling with something in his other hand. Once it hits her face she knows exactly what it is. She can feel the cold metal send chills down her body as Kevin caresses her neck with it. She can't help thinking this is such an absurd way for Kevin to be trying to kill her. She needs to think of how to get out of this situation before it's too late. She tilts her head to the side and can now see the gun in full view. It's familiarity is sickening. She has seen it before. All it contours and all it's power staring back at her once again.

With Alex's right hand loose, she waits for Kevin to have the gun as close to her face as he will get. It takes a few seconds, but once it reaches the prime location, Alex twists her arms back over her head and snatches it surprisingly easily. She would have thought Kevin would be holding onto it tighter, but she is glad that he wasn't. In a fluid flow and motion, Alex turns around to face Kevin with the gun grasped in her hands.

"GET UP ON THE FUCKING WALL." Alex screams at Kevin before he obeys her orders. Alex grabs a plate that is lying directly beside her and hits Kevin over the head, shattering it into a collaboration of pieces on the floor.

"WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU HERE? WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU TRYING TO DO THIS?" Alex has the gun now resting on Kevin's forehead as he squirms with fear and stays locked onto the wall in silence.

"ARE YOU DEAF? ANSWER ME YOU PIECE OF SHIT. I SAID WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO DO THIS?" Alex cocks the gun and aims it in the middle of Kevin's forehead.

"ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT. JUST DON'T SHOOT. PLEASE DON'T SHOOT." Kevin's visible fear has now placed him in an even more vulnerable position.

"Hurry the fuck up before I shoot your ass dead." Alex slowly takes the gun away from Kevin's head as she steps back. Although this is the case, she keeps the gun pointed at him.

"Kubra, Kubra sent me. He gave me money. I'm sorry, I really am. This job doesn't pay a lot and i have four kids that I can't provide for. _I needed it_. I'm not that bad of a guy Alex. I promise." Kevin is sweating and crying viciously as he maintains eye contact with Alex.

"YOU'RE NOT THAT BAD OF A GUY? ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW? YOU WERE GOING TO KILL ME. YOU'RE A PROBATION OFFICER. YOU ARE MEANT TO BE THE GOOD GUY." Alex feels nauseous as she realises Kubra knew where she was the whole time. She thought she was safe here and she was actually looking forward to a new chapter in her life, even if it meant getting regular job. This battle with Kubra was not worth the time lost on her sentence.

Alex looks down at the cold gun that she holds tightly in her hands and feels ill when she thinks about how this same gun nearly killed her once before. It was the gun Aiden had been holding when he entered the prison. It has a distinct grip that Alex had never seen before. It terrifies Alex to a point beyond belief.

"GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE BEFORE I KILL YOU. DON'T YOU DARE COME BACK HERE. YOU'RE A WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT. I HOPE YOUR KIDS ARE FUCKING PROUD OF THEIR FATHER." Alex sarcastically chuckles and thinks about how her own father disappointed her. Before she met her father, she thought he was a hero that would teach her so many things and tell her so many stories. Disappointment was the elephant in the room when she finally did meet him. I guess Kevin's children will feel the same way if they ever find out what he was going to do to Alex.

"I can't go back home Alex. Kubra is going to kill me. I didn't do what I was told..." Before Kevin finishes his sentence, Alex buts in with more aggression than before

"GET OUT OF HERE. YOU JUST TRIED TO KILL ME, DO I CARE ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS?" With the echoing yells of Alex, Kevin continues to cry and wail as he lets himself out of the apartment. Once he closes the door behind him, Alex is numb.

She slides down the wall behind her and begins to shake with the thoughts of what Kubra is going to do to her next. She isn't safe anywhere. There is only two ways this is going to end: Alex getting killed, or Kubra getting killed. Although Alex is not innocent when it comes to the world, running an international drug cartel is extremely different to being a murderer and Alex does not want to participate in those kind of antics. Minimum security prison was bad enough, but being locked away for potentially the rest of her life in max is a whole different level.

Alex contemplates traveling up to Litchfield tomorrow to see Piper and tell her what had occurred, but she doesn't want Piper to worry. Alex knows how prison can amplify worry and stress and that is the last thing she wants to do to Piper.

Alex jolts back to life when she hears a knock at the door.

"Fuck." Alex scrambles with the cocked gun trying to figure out where to hide it. She settles for the bottom kitchen draw and tries to calm herself as she walks towards the front door. As she is halfway from her original position and the door, the door is kicked off it's hinges and an entire squad of police enter her apartment.

A line of guns face her and the array of yells seem to come to one conclusion "PUT YOUR HANDS UP."

Alex panics but does what is being asked of her.

"Turn around and face the wall." A female officer pushes Alex's face against the wall with a hard thud and a moment later, she is handcuffed.

"Alex Vause, you are under arrest for attempted murder. Anything you do or say may be used against you in the court of law."

"WHAT THE FUCK, HE WAS TRYING TO KILL ME. ARREST KEVIN, KEVIN MILANO. THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING."

"Oh it's happening honey. You'll be going back to prison in no time." The female officer gives Alex a smirk which makes Alex infuriated. The rest of the officers work through her apartment searching and a few moments later, they find the gun.

"That's not mine. It was Kevin's, I swear." Alex is usually not one to have to justify herself and her actions to other people, but being falsely accused for attempted murder makes her uneasy. She should know the system of law well enough to know that keeping your mouth shut is the best option, especially when it comes to throwing people under the bus, but she doesn't.

Alex is hauled down the narrow corridor of her apartment complex as people stare at her. It was a big commotion and everyone seems to be out to take a look. It is humiliating and embarrassing but soon after, Alex enters the back of the ice cold police van. A place she never would have thought she would be in again. With a powerful force, a police officer slams the van doors and Alex watches her freedom get blown up into a thousand pieces.

Here's to the familiarity of restriction.

 _ **Author notes:**_

 _ **Short chapter, but definitely not sweet. Once again, Alex was placed in a position of vulnerability and is now faced with a horrific predicament. I wanted to solely focus on Alex in this chapter but the next will shed light onto some unanswered questions referring to other characters. A big question mark surrounds Piper and if she will find out what happened to Alex, or more how she will take it if she does find out. Stay tuned & know that I always appreciate your following.**_


	12. Swallowing pills

Silence can often be more poisonous than any collaboration of words in the English language. It can sear your insides and leave them burning for hours on end with no form of treatment. It's unconventional torture, and for Piper it's her reality.

After countless times trying to reach Alex over the past four days, she is left empty handed. Questions circle her mind like a vicious storm:

Did Alex leave?

Is she ignoring me?

Is she hurt?

Am I just being paranoid?

So many questions are internally asked but no conclusions are ever made as no information is received.

It's like being lost in the desert and after hours of walking, you realise you're in the same place you began. No progress and complete isolation.

"Have you spoken to Alex lately?" Red's voice echoes within Piper's mind and it takes her a few moments to process the words.

"I haven't been able to get a hold of her for a while now." Piper says quietly in almost a whisper

Red's puzzled gaze rests on Piper as she tries to decipher why Alex would not be picking up Piper's phone calls.

"You don't just leave Alex's phone number lying about do you?"

"Why? It's not like anyone is going to call..." Mid sentence, realisation dawns on Piper as her mouths drops and the rest of her body pauses as shock ripples through her insides.

"No fucking way." Piper aggressively yanks herself up from her bed and storms in a direct path to the one person who would vindictively set out to ruin Piper's relationship with Alex. Piper's culprit lays calmly on the bed with earphones in her ears and music blaring. Piper waits impatiently until she is noticed and the culprit takes the earphones out and transfers her undivided attention to Piper.

"Stella, I know you rang Alex. I can't believe you are that stupid. I have the power to rip apart your entire life and you _still_ did it." Piper strains her vocal cords as she heaves out the words that leave her mouth.

Stella replies with a sarcastic laugh. "What? I didn't do shit Piper. I guess I was right though. She finally figured out how much better she can do without you on the outside. Trust no bitch remember?"

Piper's mutilated tattoo burns with the mention of the words that used to lay clearly. Piper still manages to get away with wearing a long undershirt so she doesn't have to face the truth that is engraved into her skin. It's tainted by the memories of Stella and the horrible person that Piper once was and it makes her physically ill with the thought of it.

"I don't believe you." Piper says blandly.

"Then don't. But I guarantee you'll be sorry when you realise that I didn't call her. That's the type of person you are Piper, you constantly accuse people of things and when you're wrong you apologise Not because you're trying to help them but because it makes you feel better and makes you look like a good person even though you are far from it." Stella cautiously avoids making eye contact with Piper as her aggression leads Stella into a standing position.

"What's with this sick obsession that you have? You are addicted to telling me how much of a bad person I am and how undeserving i am of everything good in my life. Why can't you just leave me alone? Just let me figure out my own life, while you figure out the _mess_ in yours." Piper's heartbeat is now racing as the regurgitation of words catches her off guard.

"Don't start talking shit about a subject you don't know anything about Piper. You don't know my life. And how delusional are you...? Because from what I can recall, you came into _my_ bunk and started talking to _me_. You think _I'm_ the one with the detonator ready to blow up your life but you have it right in your own hands." Stella smirks to herself.

"I came here because I had a reason to Stella. Fuck you." Piper leaves Stella's bunk on an extremely bitter note and with no further resolution. She knows there is no proof that Stella in fact did call Alex so she is hesitant in being involved in any actions that could potentially destroy Stella.

She walks to her own bunk slowly with a false bravado and insides that twist and turn and make Piper feel like she's been ignited. Maybe it was the detonator that Stella was talking about.

…...

Nicky and Lorna share a quiet and comforting bunk which surprised both of them as they found their rhythm as bunk buddies.

Although they both enjoy each other as bunk buddies, there is an unacknowledged tension that seeps through their voices every time they speak and the relationship that they once had is now like a rubber band that was stretched to breaking point and finally snapped into two. Nicky doesn't speak other than a few horrible jokes here and then and Lorna doesn't ask any questions because she knows that Nicky will shut her out and put up all possible defences in the process.

When Lorna quietly leaves to go to the bathroom, Nicky is greeted by her maternal figure.

"What's the matter with you and Lorna huh?"

"Nothing Red." Nicky avoids eye contact and dips her head into her pillow.

"Don't lie to me Nicky. I'm your mother in here, I can tell when you are lying."

Nicky sighs heavily before having a silence linger in the air until Red's beaming eyes take the words out of Nicky's mouth.

"I told her I loved her." Nicky finally admits.

"And..."

"And she loves Vince."

"So that's why you're being so bitter. Your love isn't being reciprocated and you're angry at yourself for your feelings? And knowing you, you are now pretending it never happened to avoid exposing yourself."

Nicky softly nods her head. She can never grasp the fact that Red knows exactly what is going on in her head. It's something her real mother could never even dream of doing. Red fills the void that her mother left when she constantly neglected her.

Prison strips layers of goodness off people but one thing prison has never taken away from Nicky is Red and the care that comes along with her company.

"Sit down and tell her. Properly. See the potential Nicky. You know, my mother always used to say to me, potential is like a loaded gun. You can go out and kill people with it, or you can keep it concealed. But either way, the gun still holds the same amount of power."

"Red, i'm already in prison. Going around shooting people isn't exactly going to help my situation." Nicky laughs as she attempts to cover up her nervousness

 _"It's a metaphor Nicky._ Use what you have. Use your ability to love someone like you love Lorna. Don't keep it concealed. Don't get me wrong, that Vince is adorable. He reminds me of my sons when they were younger, but people deserve to have the highest level of love they can get and Lorna can get that from you."

As if on cue, Lorna returns to find a startled Nicky within sight.

"What's happening here?" Lorna's paranoia increases as eyes start bouncing across the room between Red and Nicky.

"Lorna, Nicky has something to say to you." Red gives Lorna a smirk as she gestures for her to sit down beside Nicky.

"Red, get out of here alright?" Nicky says, extremely annoyed at the pressure that Red is now putting on her.

"I'll be back." Red pushes herself up from the bed and slowly walks out of the bunk with the sides of her mouth curled up into a smile that cannot be tamed.

"What's going on Nicky?" Lorna shuffles across the bunk to her own bed, where she leans forward and pays her attention to Nicky.

Nicky sighs heavily. She knows that there is no other option than to come right out and tell Lorna her true feelings. If she doesn't, Red will be the first one to kill her.

"Morello, you know when I said uhh, you know." Nicky fumbles her words more than she intended to and is now left to clean up the mess she has just made.

"What?"

"You know Morello."

"I want to hear you say it." Lorna's eyes stay glued to Nicky's

"When I said I love you more than Vince ever could? I wasn't trying to get you angry at Vince. I was just telling you the truth. I don't say this shit often Morello, you know that as much as I do." Nicky can't help but begin to shake violently. She looks down at her hands and simultaneously, so does Lorna.

"Why now Nicky? Why did you suddenly feel the need to tell me this?"

"Because I'm fucking selfish. I, I'm selfish ok? I know you're happy with Vince and all I can think about is how much I love you alright?"

"You can't just let me be happy Nicky?This could have been resolved months ago. I'm engaged. I'm engaged to a man that I love and I take on board how you feel Nicky, but don't think that this... Us... Could ever be reality. I'm sorry."

Nicky feels her heart drop. She remains speechless as she is hit by the impact that comes with Lorna's words. This wasn't how it was meant to go. It wasn't the way it was meant to work out. It was never just a friendship and never something that Nicky thought she could leave, but now she is faced with the true reality. The reality that Lorna and Vince are happy together. Maybe even happier than Lorna would be with Nicky. It's a bitter pill to swallow but Nicky has swallowed enough pills in her lifetime to know that the feeling doesn't last forever.

 _ **Author notes:**_

 _ **I apologise for the major delay. I have been preoccupied with other priorities and unfortunately this story has taken a back seat.**_

 _ **Nicky has FINALLY confessed her love for Lorna but unfortunately Lorna doesn't feel the same way. She is now happily in love and Nicky is unhappily rejected.**_

 _ **The future of Alex is still not known and the fear that is creeping into Piper's mind is increasing in severity. As always, stay tuned and enjoy.**_


	13. She forgot about you

The same dirty bus.

The same ominous gates.

The same obnoxious guards.

The same orange jumpsuit that shines like a neon light in the dark.

It's all the damn same.

Nothing has changed.

For the third time in her lifetime, Alex has been hauled into the captivity of prison once again. This time, it's not the embarrassment that she can't seem to shake, but it's the feeling that she knows this place better than she knows anything else in her life that's terrifying.

With a bag full of clothes, Alex makes the familiar walk back into Litchfield with a giant load of others inmates who don't have a clue what they are getting themselves into. Most are intimidated and scared and they have no idea that Alex has been down this road before.

The rhythmic steps of the new inmates is amplified through the echoing hallways as one by one they march to the beat of an unfamiliar and daunting drum. Except for Alex who walks with confidence.

With toothpaste and soap in hand, Lorna greets the white inmates and ushers them to their dorms. Although she had lost her job driving the van, she still took it upon herself to maintain the good first impression of the prison. It takes Lorna a few seconds to configure the face that is Alex Vause.

"Vause? Oh my goodness. What are you doing back here?" Lorna pulls Alex in for a warm, genuine hug as Alex does the same. Although Lorna is happy to see Alex, she is completely confused as to why she is back in prison.

"Long story kid. I'll talk to you about it when I'm not surrounded by these delinquents." Alex whispers in Lorna's ear as she separates herself from the heat of Lorna's body.

There was an extreme delay getting the new inmates into Litchfield, with a reason that was never told which always seems to be the case being a prisoner. Alex notices that there is no one in the bunks and that it is most likely time for lunch. When Alex is greeted with her new bunk, the room is silent and has a violent sense of emptiness. But Alex knows that this will not be the case for long.

Alex gives an intimidating glance to the two other women that will be sharing the room with her and most likely another inmate that has been in prison for a while.

Lorna passes around a bar of soap and a toothbrush to each of the new inmates and with a quick wink and grin, Lorna slides three bars of soap, a toothbrush and a bar of chocolate from commissary that she had hidden in her pocket under Alex's bundle of clothes, making sure not to be seen by the other women who are making themselves comfortable in their assigned beds.

"Thanks Lorna" Alex returns a smile to Lorna

"We've gotta look out for our own in here." Lorna says as she walks out of the room and is followed by the white inmates that are still to be assigned rooms.

Alex hops onto the top bunk and starts making her bed the only way she knows how and that is to do it exceptionally well and to lie on top of it for the countless nights of her sentence. The other two women watch and soon follow. Alex grins to herself as she knows they will never pass inspection. The grin is soon interrupted by the voice of one of the new inmates.

"I'm Jenny Harris. Nice to meet you girls." She is softly spoken and innocent in her aura but Alex knows that behind the most innocent people are the most terrifying demons.

"Likewise honey. The name's Angela Demoza but everybody calls me Coco." The thick Brooklyn accent echoes through the room and is loud enough to make Alex's ears hurt.

Both Jenny and Coco simultaneously look up at Alex and wait for her introduction, but it never comes.

"What's your name?" Coco widens her eyes at Alex, waiting in anticipation.

Rude and blunt, Alex finally replies "Vause."

"You been here before?" Coco obnoxiously asks

"Mhm." Alex gives them very little to feed off, but the knowledge that she has been in prison before will make them cringe in worry as they share a room.

"Inmates, go out to the cafeteria and have some lunch. The inmates in the kitchen are waiting to finish up." Officer O'Neil storms into the room and exits just as fast with the nods of Jenny and Coco reflecting into the empty doorway.

With Alex staunching through the corridors with Jenny and Coco following, she can hear her stomach trying to feed itself with anything that's inside her but it fails to succeed. Although hunger seems to be a loud requirement, Alex has other business to tend to. She not only needs to feed her stomach, but she needs to feed her love.

"Cafeteria is on the left, go." Alex quickly turns around and aggressively shouts at Jenny and Coco, causing them to almost wet themselves with fear. Like a herd of sheep, they cling together and walk in the direction of the cafeteria.

Meanwhile, Alex is on the hunt for something much more valuable and nutritious than a plate of slop. She needs to find Piper.

Alex hasn't spoken to Piper in over a month. She misses all of her. Her voice, her scent, her touch, her taste. All of it. Alex can't stand being in the confines of prison, but she also can't stand being away from Piper. It pains her to know that Piper would have been wondering where she was over the past month, but she knows how all that worry will wash over once they are in each others arms.

White suburbia looks the exact same as it did when Alex was in prison. The same musky, mouldy scent that never seems to reduce still lingers and the inmates are as chaotic as ever.

Alex launches into Piper's bunk where she can see the woman that she is in love with curled up with a book. Her look is pensive and deep in thought which Alex can't help but smirk at. Piper's eyes maintain the pure blueness that Alex can get lost for hours in and never feel the need to find her way back to reality.

Although Alex glances upon Piper in admiration, she cannot wait a moment longer.

"Piper Elizabeth fucking Chapman." Alex laughs as she can see Piper's eyes escape her book and land onto her face in a moment of surreal realisation

"ALEX?" Piper throws her book onto the bed and leaps into Alex's arms, making sure to hold onto her as tight as she possibly can.

"Oh my god I missed you." Alex grabs hold of Piper's face as their lips lock into a gentle embrace. Piper's lips are soft and warm and her tongue glides effortlessly into Alex's mouth as they lose themselves in each other.

"Hey, no touching. And newbie, you're not aloud to be here, it's out of bounds. Get out before I give you a shot." Alex and Piper separate themselves but keep their eyes locked.

"Al, what are you doing here?" Piper can't wrap her head around why Alex is back in prison, but she frankly doesn't care. It feels _so_ good to have Alex with her. Alex's lips have a distinct taste that Piper is violently addicted to and after a month of being sober, she relapsed. It is the most beautiful, harmonious relapse that Piper could ever imagine.

"Inmate, you're out of bounds. Get out." Alex and Piper turn around to see officer Bell glaring back at them.

"I'll talk to you later Piper." Alex's hand strokes down the side of Piper's arm in a fluid motion and end in a tight grip with Piper's hands.

"Hang on, I'm coming." Piper attempts to walk out of her bunk with Alex until she is rudely interrupted by Officer Bell.

"Chapman you have work. Go back into your bunk and get ready before I give you a shot as well"

The tight grip between Piper and Alex's hands is quickly lost when Alex pulls away and walks out of the dorm without another word leaving her mouth. Piper's chest is tight and restricted as she watches Alex calmly walk past that chaos of the dorm. Like an angel walking through hell.

Piper finds herself putting on her shoes in a complete daze. The reunion was too quick to comprehend. Was it even real? She looks down at her hand, the one that Alex held and brings it up to her cheek. The feeling of Alex touching it still lingers on her skin. It's a feeling she has never gotten used to and never wants to end.

…...

After a mildly turbulent morning trying to get back into the swing of prison, Alex finds herself in the bathroom. She reminisces about her breakdown the last time she was in prison and laughs to herself. It was embarrassing and degrading. She has never been one to breakdown easily, but her paranoia completely stripped that away and left her bare and vulnerable. Alex knows that Kubra is still out there looking for ways to kill her. For the second time, he knows exactly where Alex is and will not fail to intimidate her, and if he is smart enough, he will kill her as well.

Alex stares at herself in the mirror. She is not bare and vulnerable anymore.

She is strong and powerful.

She does not fear Kubra.

She does not fear death.

The only thing she could ever fear is the loss of Piper. The one person that makes her feel like she's the only person in the world that matters. Without Piper, Alex _wouldn't_ matter. Alex would be alone in this tumultuous world without somebody to tell her that everything's ok, even when it isn't.

"No fucking way. Vause, you piece of shit." Alex's eyes wander from her reflection in the mirror onto the big haired figure to her left.

"Nicky Nichols. It's good to see you." Alex has a grin from ear to ear as Nicky wraps her arms around her and slaps her lightly across the face.

"You shouldn't fucking be here. I mean, I missed you and all but this isn't your place." Nicky's face transforms into a serious look. She has always seen Alex's potential. Alex was the big shot running an international drug cartel and Nicky was the junky addicted to the drugs. Nicky finds it funny how although they were both at opposite ends of the drug scale, they ended up in the same place.

"I know Nicky, but shit happens." Alex says as she lets out a light sigh.

Lorna enters the bathroom just as Alex is about to leave.

"Vause, they're doing late orientation so get yourself over to the hall in a few minutes." Lorna smiles at Alex but as soon as Nicky's eyes meet Lorna's , she quickly turns the smile into a scowl and turns back around to leave.

"Wow, what was that about Nicky?" Alex's eyes widen as the realisation that things have significantly changed dawns on her.

"Long story short, I told her things and she didn't like them."

"What does that even mean? What type of things?" Alex says, completely and utterly confused.

Nicky let's out a heavy sigh as she anticipates Alex's reaction. "I told her I loved her."

Alex's mouth drops in shock. "A fucking straight girl? Didn't you write the lesbian handbook or something?"

"Shit happens. Beautiful women happen."

"I was there too. Still am. I mean I always knew you and Lorna had your little fling but I never thought it was anything more. Nice to see you finally opening up Nichols."

"Nice? I got rejected so hard that I forgot how to speak."

"I'm sorry Nicky. You two would have made a great couple. Your marriage was all set out on that dream board that you were going to give her for Christmas remember?"

"Remember what you gave _me_ for Christmas?" Nicky sends a playful wink in Alex's direction which does nothing but make Alex burst into hysterical laughter.

"We don't speak of that, you hear me?" Alex puts a finger to her lips and proceeds to walk out of the bathroom with the memory of Nicky's hand down her pants flooding back.

Still smirking to herself as she walks in the direction of orientation, she catches the eyes of someone who takes the smirk right off her face.

"Hey Alex, can I just talk to you for a second?" Stella makes her way to where Alex is standing.

"I have orientation."

"It will only take a moment. It's important." Stella waits for Alex's confirmation made by silence and then addresses her concerns. "I want to be honest with you because I think you deserve it. Piper was all over me the second you got out of here. It's like she forgot about you. Like she couldn't stand to be alone so she just clinged to me. When I asked her about you she said you were done but when I saw your little reunion, I knew that wasn't the case. She's not loyal Alex. She claims she loves you but she never mentioned you at all when you weren't here."

 _ **Author notes:**_

 _ **So Alex Vause has returned to Litchfield. If you're wondering what she is in for... give me another chapter to explain. Don't think that I have completely dropped those imperative details. The reunion between Piper and Alex wasn't as sweet as they would have liked, but time together in prison has only just begun.**_

 _ **Nicky has admitted to Alex the heartache of being rejected and how much of a sting it has left on her ego. Will Alex help Nicky get over the heartache or will Nicky find other ways to relieve the emotional pain?**_

 _ **Stella is down to cause drama once again. Will she ever learn? Will she ever just leave Piper and Alex alone? Is Alex going to believe everything that comes out of Stella's mouth? All we know so far is that she is trouble to Alex and Piper and also the Vauseman fans.**_

 _ **Stay tuned for the next chapters. There is much more to come.**_


	14. I'm not afraid

Alex and Stella are at a standstill, waiting for each other to crack under the heat of their argument and the intensity of lies and love. Alex's stare is forceful enough to have fear crawl out of even the toughest individuals, but Stella remains still, waiting for Alex to pounce.

"What game are you trying to play Stella? _I know my girl._ " Alex delivers with a dark, husky tone that bites Stella right where it hurts.

"I'm being the _good guy_ here. I'm telling you the truth. Obviously Piper wouldn't confess to it because she doesn't want to hurt you. If you know your girl so well then why don't you believe me?"

"You're full of shit. Get the fuck out of my face before you end up on the ground." Alex viciously steps beside Stella and continues to walk in the other direction until she hears Stella's voice rip through the corridor. "You're a weak person. You can't even see what Piper's doing to you. Playing you like a fucking violin. It's bitches like you who deserve to be cheated on."

Alex's blood boils as she turns around to catch Stella's eye from down the corridor. Alex cannot walk away from such vile comments and immediately voices her opinion in the loudest possible way. "You're a fucking compulsive liar. You're just jealous because you're alone honey, and you always will be because no one wants someone like you. You say I'm weak huh? You have no idea of what I'm capable of. You better fucking watch your back in here."

Alex swivels on her feet and walks away while she tries to come to grips with her aggression and her ability to control it. Alex has learnt to tame her trust issues and a measly lie from Stella will do nothing to unravel Alex's progress in both her own flaws and her relationship with Piper. It's worth too much. Piper's worth too much.

…...

For months on end, Piper's work in the prison consists of creating thousands and thousands of panties, with no sense of inconsistency. It's the same thing day by day and Piper wants nothing more than to go back to electrical, even if it means dealing with Nicky's spontaneous antics.

Both Stella and Nicky managed to regain their old jobs in the prison. Nicky's being in electrical and Stella sewing panties with Piper and having to deal with their more than rocky relationship.

Piper has tried her best to be as professional as possible, keeping her head down low and not associating with Stella or any other inmates for that matter. She was in a dark phase of limbo when Alex was gone, but now that she is back, she feels strong again. As strong as you _can_ feel in a federal prison.

"Hey Chapman." Flaca whispers as she walks over to Piper with eyes crossing who is watching them. Flaca's nervousness seeps through her skin and Piper notices it in an instant.

"What's the matter?" Piper immediately let's go of the unfinished panty that lies in between her slender fingers and places it on the base of the sewing machine.

"I saw Stella talking to your girl Alex in the hallway. They were really going at it. Did you know that Alex was back here?"

"I know Alex is back. What, what were they saying?" Piper is startled by the realisation that Stella may be manipulating her relationship right this very second and with Piper's history, she doesn't know Alex's reaction to Stella's game.

"All I heard was Stella saying that you were with her while Alex was away."

" _Piece of shit_. What a liar. I can't believe her. Why can't this girl just leave me alone? Fuck, I _need_ to find Alex." Piper begins to unravel into a frazzled state of mind.

"Good luck with that Chapman, you're at work." Flaca returns to her position behind the sewing machine as Piper takes in all the possibilities that could echo from Stella's lying mouth. Every second spent thinking about it is torturous. She almost feels insane with so many thoughts slashing the inside of her brain with such precision and dedication that it hurts.

An unfamiliar officer that is patrolling the inmates sewing panties abruptly begins yelling at an inmate. Piper's back is turned to the verbal altercation, but she knows exactly who that inmate must be. Her assumptions are confirmed when Stella lands in a heavy thud onto the chair at the sewing machine opposite Piper.

"Do you ever shut your mouth?" Piper says, just loud enough for Stella to hear

"What? I literally just sat down." Stella has a sharply confused look upon her face.

"Why do you make it an essential part of your life to run your mouth and talk smack?" Without notice, Piper's voice increases in volume and the inmates surrounding her are suddenly caught up in listening to the argument at hand.

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about your conversation with Alex in the hallway. Did you already forgot about that or are you just spitting more lies from your mouth?" Piper raises herself from her seat and hovers over the table, closing in on Stella.

"I had a conversation with her, so what? I was talking to her, not trying to get in her pants. I thought that was your job." Stella raises her eyebrow at Piper which infuriates her beyond belief. As Piper stands, she absorbs Stella's stupidity and vindictiveness and cannot believe that there are people who would go to such lengths for nothing in return.

"You told her I was with you while she was out of prison. You disgust me. You disgust me now and you disgusted me the whole time Alex was out." Mouths of the surrounding inmates drop simultaneously, but Stella begins to chuckle as she watches the officer return into the room to patrol the inmates.

"Inmate, what are you doing? Sit down." The officers arrival sets the inmates on the journey of panty making and Piper takes a seat as she breathes in all the air that she can contain in her lungs, and then back out again, releasing all her aggression with it.

…...

After work, Piper is on a direct mission to find Alex. All she wants to do is hold her and taste her, but there is so much content to delve into and so many things to discuss. With a fast and intense walking pace, she walks directly to Alex's bunk. Two sets of eyes give death stares with Piper's every move as she inches closer to Alex who is facing the wall.

"Hey Al." Piper whispers and immediately gets a reaction from Alex as she slowly turns around and curls up her lips into a smile.

"Pipes." Alex lifts herself up with a tired moan and catches her two other bunk buddies with their eyes invested into Piper's actions. "Do you people have a problem?" Alex raises her voice enough to jolt Coco and Jenny back to their senses.

"No, no problem. Sorry." Jenny seeps back down into her bed as Coco follows shortly after.

"Are you tired? I can come back later if you want." Piper strokes Alex's forehead with the tip of her finger and let's it travel down the side of Alex's cheek. Goosebumps start formulating in exactly the line of travel that Piper took on Alex's face.

"No, no. It's just been a long day, I thought I'd sleep while I can. Let's go, I can't stand being here any longer." Alex says in her husky voice as she grabs hold of Piper's soft hand and jumps out of her bed, leading the way.

With a dominant stride and Piper by her side, Alex walks past numerous of inmates that she has not spoken to since she has been back, but she does not stop. In fact, her pace fastens until they are standing in-front of the house of God.

"Al, uh, is this something you want to do?" Piper gives Alex a worried look.

Alex leans in slowly and stops just before she hits Piper's lips with hers. She breathes, with very little volume. Alex's warm breathe hypnotises Piper as it enters the small opening between her lips and coats the inside walls. "I'm fine Pipes. It's you I'm worried about. It's always you. If there's too many memories, we'll go somewhere else."

Piper loses her ability to speak. Her body tingles like she's being charged with electricity and her only reply is a shy shake of the head.

Alex gives her a seductive smirk and raise of her eyebrow as she opens the doors to the chapel and waits for the incredibly numb Piper Chapman to enter before closing the door behind her.

Hand in hand, they walk down the long aisle.

"You realise you nearly had to walk down an aisle like this with Larry. With me you won't have that problem." Alex laughs as Piper face scrunches with the thought of Larry.

"Ha ha, very funny Alex. You know, I've thought about us being old together but the images never seem to formulate in my mind. I can't imagine you as anything other than what you are right now."

"Fuck, words hurt Pipes. What am I right now huh?" Alex releases Piper's hand as she gives her a playful smile.

"You're the hot one." Piper strides the rest of the way down the aisle, with a quick turn of her head and a shooting wink in Alex's direction.

"Damn right, but you're a close second." Alex laughs as she walks to greet Piper's lips with a tender kiss and a captivated glisten within her eyes.

"Have I ever told you that I love you?" Piper whispers closely into Alex's ear.

"No, I don't think you ever have." Alex backs away and rests her fingertips onto Piper's soft cheek.

"Well I love you." Piper imprints her smile onto Alex's lips

"I love you too Pipes."

Piper let's out a heavy sigh and locks her gaze into Alex's eyes "why are you back here Alex?"

"It's a long story. Promise me you won't freak out ok?" Alex grabs hold of Piper's hand and swirls her fingertips on the surface. Piper nods in agreement.

"My probation officer was bribed by Kubra to come and kill me. I mean, the kid tried, but he failed miserably. But after it all happened, he called the police and they arrested me for attempted murder. They kept me in confinement and I got into a brawl with this rude Brooklyn girl with bad hair who was sharing a room with me at the time. That's what I'm in for. All the attempted murder charges were dropped because of the lack of evidence against me and the heavy load of evidence against Kevin Milano. Don't know how he got away with it. That's the legal system for you. Caught in the fucking system once again."

"Holy shit Alex. You expect me not to freak out? He tried to _kill you_. What else does Kubra want? Why can't he just leave you alone? You don't deserve this." Piper's eyes start to fill with tears but with Alex locked onto them, she tries her hardest not to let the tears fall.

"Pipes, seriously just relax. I know it's a lot to take in but I'm ok. I'm not scared of Kubra hurting me anymore. The only thing I'm terrified of is Kubra hurting you. He knows you're all I have. You're the only person he can hurt and he knows that we are both in here together now. I have to keep _you_ safe." Alex's fingertips sweep over Piper's forehead

"It's like it's us against the world Al." Piper manages to clear her eyes and contain the washing machine of emotions that is swirling inside her.

"Pretty much... Speaking of people against us, _Stella_ decided to share a few words with me."

Piper enters an automatic defensive state without realisation "Alex, don't believe a word she says. She is just trying to ruin us but we have gotten through a lot worse than a shit talking prison inmate."

"I know Pipes. I _don't_ believe her. I'll tell you something though Piper... I'm not afraid anymore. Too much has happened to me for me to be scared of things. Before, I was scared of you and Stella, I was scared I wouldn't live up to who I should be and I was scared Kubra would kill me. I told you before, the only thing I'm scared of is someone hurting you. Myself included. I won't let anyone hurt you ever again."

"God, I love it when you're fearless." Piper gives Alex a glimpse of her pearly white teeth as she playfully smirks

"Shh, we are in the house of God."

"That's never stopped us before."

 _ **Author notes:**_

 _ **I apologise for the major delay, but I promise I have my reasons. I graduated! (ps I'm in AUS). It's been a full on couple of weeks but I hope that my writing rhythm can shift back to normal. ANYWAY, back to this chapter... It looks to be smooth sailing for Vauseman with even Stella's big mouth not putting a dint into their relationship. How long will this remain? Even after everything Alex has been through, she always comes out as Piper's protector but is that where she makes her mistake? Will Stella keep trying to create problems in Vauseman's relationship or will she move onto another victim? Only the next chapters will tell. As always, stay tuned.**_


	15. Up in the air or down on the floor

**Fanfic warning: Suicide content in addition to a violent physical altercation.**

… **...**

Is it the coldness of the body as it dangles in the air?

Is it the screams of the inmates as they walk into the dorm?

Is it the lifeless body being zipped into a body bag?

Or is it the simple fact that no matter how gruesome prison ever feels, every suicide is as horrific as the last one.

For most, they had failed to formally know the victim, but for some, the victim had tried to turn their life upside down.

That 'some' included Piper Chapman.

As everyone pranced off to work in the morning to receive their measly amount of money they get from doing torturous jobs, one Stella Carlin decided that she couldn't take the prison life anymore.

It was too simple.

No guards or inmates around.

She hauled a rope she had stolen from the tool shed over the beam on the ceiling, shuffled her bed over to where she could stand on it and just before she stepped off, she wished herself a teary eyed happy birthday, because _no one else did_.

She had _no_ visitors.

 _No_ phone calls.

 _No one_ to sit with at meal time.

She felt as if it was her against the world.

 _No one_ to hold.

N _o one_ to tell her that she would get through it.

And so eventually, she gave up on trying to tell herself that things would get better.

Norma was the first to find her. Shades of blue and purple are speckled all around the body with eyes still wide open, staring straight through her. Norma began to cry hysterically and in panic mode, she set out to warn the others with only excessive hand gestures and facial expressions to do so.

With alarm bells ringing inside their minds, the inmates rushed into white suburbia to find a lifeless Stella hanging from a rope. Gasps, screams and cries fill the dorm with an everlasting echo as guards struggled to get the body down.

They don't know what's more sad; the fact that Stella had killed herself, or that even after her death, she still endured the pain of the guards dropping her down from the beam onto the ice cold floor.

After the body was hauled into the body bag and onto the stretcher, Piper Chapman walks into the turbulent scene with nothing but ignorance to her name. "What's going on?"

"Another one." Red replies as she let's out a heavy sigh

"What do you mean 'another one'?" Piper's confusion turns into frustration rapidly

"Stella hung herself this morning." Red avoids eye contact with Piper as her vision begins to blur with tears

"Are, are you being serious?"

"Suicide is never something I would joke about. Once you're gone, you're gone and there's no turning back from that." Red begins to stroke the back of the inmate beside her as weeping increases in volume throughout the dorm.

Piper slowly walks to her bed and lands in a hard heap, dropping her entire body weight. Her mind is trying to comprehend the situation, but her thoughts are caught in a labyrinth with no way out. Stella's suicide is incomprehensible, but a small glimpse into Stella's mind before it all happened is read when Piper finds an ominous letter staring at her from the top of her locker.

With shaking fingers, she manages to tear it open and fold it out onto her lap.

 _'Dear Piper,_

 _I re-wrote this letter countless times before but I still don't feel like this collaboration of words truly expresses how I feel. Regardless, I want to say Thank you for being in my life. You made me feel alive for a while there, but now it's time to leave you._

 _I'm so sorry for messing with your relationship. I saw the way you looked at Alex and all I ever wanted was for you to look at me the same way. I thought maybe, just maybe, you would come back to me, but I went about it the wrong way and tried to intercept a love that shouldn't be broken. I put up a false bravado, trying to act like I wanted nothing more than an informal fling with you but the truth was far from that and I never had the balls to tell you. Admittedly, I've been through my fair share of women, but I never found one with both innocence and badass bitch syndrome. You were something special. Something different. And I loved it._

 _Whatever you do, know that Alex loves you. I hope you two can hold each other when times get tough, because I know how much I needed that. Help her swim when she's drowning, and she'll do the same for you. Be that person I never had. Be a lifesaver._

 _Alex told me that no one could want me, and there was more truth to that than I could ever have dreamt in my nightmares. Know that there are people in this world that want you Piper, myself included. That non-existent want and love for me was what drove me to the edge, and there I stood, on the edge for days and days until finally... I jumped._

 _I'm finally going to be free Piper._

 _You know you always have something to remember me by._

 _I love you._

 _Stella.'_

Salty tears rain down on the piece of paper, making letters smudge into unrecognisable words, much like Piper's tattoo.

She rolls up her sleeve; which takes more energy than she has, and she rests her eyes on it, studying the various lines that don't seem to connect anymore.

After nights on end mutilating the tattoo, Piper now wish she hadn't. It stood for something so negative that Piper couldn't bear to look at it, but now it stands for Stella, and the life that she decided to cut short.

Piper doesn't know why Stella's death hurts so bad. She doesn't know if she blames herself, or if she blames everyone else. All she knows is that this type of emotional pain; the type that physically hurts the body, doesn't come often.

Piper rolls her sleeve back over her tattoo with a soft moan and proceeds to file Stella's letter away within the collection of books that Piper has accumulated.

Unable to even move without it hurting, Piper lays her head onto her cold bed frame which soothes the rising temperature that Piper is experiencing.

Piper begins to cry softly, with her body jerking when she forgets she has to breathe. All of the memories of her and Stella sweep over the inside of her mind and with every single one, more tears fall from her cheek with an aggressiveness that Piper forgot she had. As much as it hurts to cry, containing her emotions would result in an explosion like no other that would be catastrophic for not only Piper, but everyone in sight.

"Hey, what the hell is going on Pipes? Everyone is cry... Oh my god. Are you ok?" Alex rushes over to Piper who is visibly in a traumatic state. Alex grabs hold of Piper's body in an attempt to comfort her, but as soon as her hands touch Piper's hot skin, Piper pushes her away.

"I'm fine, I'm fine." Piper shuffles across the bed away from Alex as she stamps her tears with the palm of her hand.

"You're obviously not ok Pipes. Talk to me." Alex follows Piper's actions and moves down the bed next to Piper. She softly touches Piper's jaw with her fingertips and moves Piper's head to face her. In a repeated movement, Piper pushes Alex's hand away from her.

"Can you just leave me alone please." Piper's voice cracks mid sentence which sends even more panic circling through Alex's

"Babe, I'm here for you. Tell me what's wrong so I can help."

Fury seeps from Piper's eyes as she is unable to contain her want for solitude any longer "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME AND JUST LEAVE ME ALONE ALEX." Alex jolts with the sound of Piper's voice and is quickly saddened by the inability to help. Alex hauls herself up and leaves without another word escaping her mouth.

As Alex storms out in the direction of her bunk, she runs into a familiar big haired inmate that looks even more like a zombie than all the other inmates combined.

"Nichols, whats happened?" Alex can't help her curiosity.

"You didn't hear? Stella killed herself this morning. The poor girl. It was her birthday today as well Fucking horrible." Nicky says in a monotone voice that is embedded with sadness and hurt.

"Oh my god. I, I'm so, I'm so sorry to heard that."

"You fucking hated her Vause." Nicky shakes her head as she looks down into the direction of the group of crying inmates.

"It doesn't matter how much I hated her. No one should be in so much emotional pain that they feel the need to kill themselves. Fuck. I know you're not usually one to deal with things by talking about it, but if you need someone, you know where to find me." Alex gives Nicky a gentle pat on the back.

"I appreciate it Vause." Nicky shares a forced smile in Alex's direction as Alex leaves the dorm in search for her own methods of coping with the death of a person she hated so much and an even more complicated Piper.

…...

Meal time comes around and the cafeteria has an emptiness that is as ominous as the sky before a storm. Many inmates have taken to staying in their bunks and eating commissary snacks or nothing at all in an effort to recover from the event that they were subjected to.

The last time the prison felt so emotionally drained was when Trisha died in the janitors closet. Although Stella didn't have the friends that Trisha did, this time around the impact on the prisoners is much worse. Speculation came about regarding how Trisha died and many came to the conclusion that she didn't intentionally kill herself, but when Stella was found lifeless hanging by a rope in the middle of the dorm, there was no denying suicide.

Some found it too confronting, while others were saddened by the memories of people they knew that shared the same fate.

The afternoon melancholy is smeared onto the prison corridors. It is contagious and eventually not a smile or a laugh was to be seen or heard wherever inmates or guards lurked.

Alex ate on a table alone. She scoffed her meal down quicker than she ever had before as her thoughts ate her alive with the same pace she ate her meal with. Sometimes standing still and not keeping your mind occupied is the worst thing to do in emotionally tough times. The second Alex glanced at her empty tray, she bounced up off her seat, shoved her tray where it belongs, and was on the hunt to find Piper.

Alex knows Piper doesn't want the comfort that she can give her, but Alex can't help it. She can't stand back and watch Piper break apart when Alex has the capability of mending all her open wounds with nothing but her tender touch.

In a longer search than anticipated, Alex finally finds Piper in the place they last shared their most loving moments together. The chapel.

"Piper?" Alex can see Piper curled up in the corner looking dazed and terrified.

"What do you want Alex? I told you to leave me alone." Piper says in an aggressive tone that doesn't intimidate Alex in the slightest.

Alex takes a seat next to Piper and wraps her hands around her, with her head resting on Piper's shoulder.

"GET THE FUCK OFF ME. WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?" Piper jumps out from her curled position.

"What's wrong with me? What's wrong with _you_? I'm just trying to comfort you and you're acting like a complete maniac." Alex jumps up to a standing position next to Piper.

"How am I acting like a complete maniac? I'm not fucking sorry for being upset that Stella killed herself."

"I don't blame you for being upset Piper, I just don't know why you're pushing me away when I'm trying to help you." Frustration and annoyance start exploding within Alex's mind.

"YOU FUCKING DID IT. THAT'S WHY." With a loud scream and a pointed finger, Piper enters the blame game.

"Did what?"

"YOU TOLD HER THAT SHE WASN'T WANTED ALEX." The inability to breathe regularly catches up to Piper during her screaming episodes.

"SO WHAT? ARE YOU BLAMING ME FOR HER DEATH? ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS RIGHT NOW?" Alex now joins the array of fierce words that spit from the mouth of Piper.

"IF IT WASN'T FOR YOU AND YOUR IDIOTIC COMMENTS SHE WOULD STILL BE ALIVE." Piper is now becoming a victim to her own emotional pain as her screams grow louder and her cheeks become increasingly stained with heavy tears.

"AND I _LOVE_ HOW YOU COMPLETELY DISREGARD ALL OF THE HORRIBLE THINGS SHE SAID TO _ME_ PIPER. IT WAS A TWO WAY STREET AND JUST BECAUSE SHE CHOSE TO KILL HERSELF, ALL OF A SUDDEN I'M THE BAD GUY IN ALL OF THIS. I _ALWAYS_ END UP BEING PORTRAYED AS THE BAD GUY, BUT PIPER, I'VE ALWAYS FUCKING BEEN HERE. AND YOU HAVN'T. YOU LEFT ME IN PARIS AFTER MY MOM FUCKING DIED. YOU LEFT ME FOR STELLA AND TOLD ME I WAS GOING MAD... AND I WAS TOO INLOVE WITH YOU TO LET GO." Alex realises that she still has not let go of Piper leaving her even though she thought she had. In times of hurt, the things that hurt you the most find a way to make themselves heard.

Piper forcefully scrunches her sleeve up to reveal her tattoo. "IT SAID 'TRUST NO BITCH'. MAYBE I'M NOT THE BITCH. MAYBE IT WAS YOU ALL ALONG YOU DIRTY, MANIPULATIVE FUCKING DRUG DEALER."

"DON'T YOU FUCKING GO THERE PIPER. YOU'RE THE ONE THAT ISN'T TO BE TRUSTED. AND IS THAT ALL I AM TO YOU? THIS FUCKING DRUG DEALER THAT YOU MET IN A BAR ALL THOSE YEARS AGO? WHY THE FUCK DO WE KEEP GOING AROUND IN CIRCLES THINKING THAT THIS RELATIONSHIP IS ACTUALLY GOING TO WORK IN THE LONG RUN. WE ARE LIKE FUCKING TEENAGERS." A long silence progresses between Alex and Piper, with their breathing heavy and their voices weak and strained.

Piper walks over to Alex, grabs hold of her shirt, and shoves her violently. "Fuck you."

"ONLY WHEN YOU'RE NOT ACCUSING ME OF _KILLING_ SOMEONE." Alex mirrors Piper's previous movements as she walks over to Piper and pushes her, knocking her onto the floor in a heavy heap.

With a loud moan, Piper lifts herself up off the floor and proceeds to walk directly to Alex. When she reaches her, she raises her hand and stamps it right on Alex's face, resulting in a harsh scream.

"YOU STUPID BITCH." Piper screams as Alex yanks her hair and Piper proceeds to do the same, with a mirroring reaction from Alex.

They stay locked, handfuls of soft hair in hands until Piper finally lets go and introduces a more violent take on the already violent physical altercation.

Piper creates a fist, and beats the part of Alex that causes her the most pain and love. Alex's face. Alex grabs at Piper's fist as it hits her continuously, causing blood to splatter and dribble down her face. Alex doesn't know if it's her blood, or Piper's, but in this moment, the woman that she loves more than anything in the world doesn't seem to be fazed by the moans that are escaping her mouth or the amount of blood that seems to be pouring onto her knuckles.

Alex grabs hold of Piper's wrist and twists it sideways, causing a light moan to escape from her mouth.

"Taste your own fucking medicine." Alex's knuckles meet with Piper's face with a strength she didn't know she had, knocking Piper onto the floor for a second time.

Piper scurries back slowly on her bloodied hands as Alex hovers over her, analysing the damage she has caused. Alex looks down at her hands. They are red raw and the dripping blood catches her off guard, and so does Piper as she stands up to face Alex.

The chapel is silent and the meticulous cleanliness and clinical feeling is haunting. All that can be heard is the sounds of heavy breathing that seems to echo throughout the chapel.

Piper and Alex now stand inches apart from each other with nothing more than their radiating body heat and warm blood dripping from their bodies. Simultaneously, they conduct a search of each others bodies with their eyes, pausing at the most tender and damaged locations.

Fairytales never included prisons or drug deals, but even if they did, Piper and Alex were never searching to fit the mould of a regular couple. Instead, their volatile relationship survives through the horror that comes with their lives, including guards.

"Inmates, get on the floor NOW."

 _ **Author notes:**_

 _ **How things change in the space of one chapter. This chapter contained a lot of heaviness that even I wasn't expecting, but hopefully it put a new twist that you guys like into the crazy rollercoaster we call Litchfield Prison.**_

 _ **I want to know what you guys want in the upcoming chapters... As always, stay tuned for more**_


	16. Sometimes love isn't enough

The crackles of dried blood are starting to form on the bodies of Alex and Piper as their heated physical altercation has them standing in front of Mr Caputo pleading their cases.

Alex has not even glanced at Piper. Her heart still pounds a million miles a minute and the hatred towards Piper's accusations have not simmered down. In fact, they bubble away even more furiously than they had before.

"What were you two doing in the chapel?" Mr Caputo says in an authoritative voice that fills the room.

"We were, um, we were just uh..." Piper trips over her own words as she rushes for a clear answer in her mind.

"Grieving. We were grieving." Alex doesn't know why she can't throw Piper under the bus. It would be so simple. She knows that it serves Piper right for starting it all but she can't bring herself to do it.

"And you couldn't grieve with all the other inmates?" Mr Caputo asks, with no effort to sound interested in their excuse.

"Sometimes it's better to be alone" Alex gives Piper a look embedded with hate but quickly bounces her gaze back to Mr Caputo.

"And can you explain what you two were doing in order to be in the _state_ you are now?"

"I fell." Piper rushes towards the answer, making sure no words leave Alex's mouth.

"You fell Chapman?" Mr Caputo chuckles as he acknowledges the extent of Piper's lies in his tone.

"Yes Mr Caputo."

"And how about you Vause?" Mr Caputo's gaze crosses over to Alex and the line of blood that travels from the top of her scalp to the centre of her cheek.

"I uh, I went to catch her and fell down with her."

"I don't know how stupid you both think I am. Whatever you two were fighting over, I hope it's resolved. Can you both be civil or should I call up the guys from down the hill and let them know you two are coming to spend some time with them?"

Piper has noticed that many serious infractions have not been dealt with like they used to before. Previously, both Piper and Alex would have been thrown down into max without hesitation but thankfully, that isn't occurring.

"I'm really sorry Mr Caputo. We are grown women and we shouldn't have behaved like this. I promise it won't happen again." Piper has always found a way to suck up to authority figures. Whether it was to her teachers, family members or employees in the prison, she always found a way to make people feel sorry for her.

"Can I expect the same from you Vause?"

"Yes." Alex is brief and stern in her words. She makes an effort to never say more than she has to.

"Alright then. That's two shots for the both of you and early morning janitorial duty for a month. Don't you even think about pulling this kind of stunt again. I expect more from you two. Pathetic. You both can leave now. Go and clean yourselves up as much as you can before people start asking questions."

Without another word, Alex leaves Mr Caputo's office with Piper following right behind. They split in opposing directions and are bracing themselves for the typhoon of questions that will be approaching them.

…...

Piper's walk to her bunk is brutal. She can already feel the lump forming in her throat that seems to stick no matter how forcefully she swallows. She forgot how horrific it feels to attempt to hold back tears when all they want to do is explode in an array of fire and smoke.

The same words sail throughout Piper's mind like a boat in rough seas. She tells herself to hold on until she gets to her bunk. She can hide behind her covers and let her tears run dry without anyone noticing. She can't come to grips with what she did to Alex, or more _why_ she did that to Alex. Why do you hurt the people you love the most?

Piper holds onto her breath in hope that nothing will escape. No tears, no screams and no words, but that is quickly demolished into dust when she enters her bunk.

"What happened to you?" Red is startled by Piper's unexpected appearance but is even more shocked by the red smears of blood and the array of bruises stained onto Piper's body.

That one question is all it took for Piper to lose it. With a silent scream, the tears come racing down like a rally car and soon she is clutching onto Red for dear life, scared that once she let's go, she will fall into the pit of infinite darkness that is her own emotions and guilt.

With Piper still latching onto Red's jacket, Red lifts Piper's head in order for their eyes to meet. Piper's eyes are filled with pain and the tears that overflow grab onto Red's heart strings, pulling in every direction. "Sweetheart, tell me what happened. Who did this to you?"

In a whimper, Piper manages to let out a few words in order to satisfy Red's question. "It, it was, it was me. It was my fault."

"Piper, who did this to you?" Red's hands are softly placed on either side of Piper's face, with her thumbs softly wiping away any tears that trickle down Piper's cheek.

In a whisper as quiet as a mouse, Piper replies with a name that carries enough baggage to bring down an airplane. "It was Alex."

Red jolts to life with Piper's answer. " _Alex_ did this to you? I thought things were going well with you two."

Piper can feel her chest cave in as she recalls the happiness that her relationship with Alex brought her right before Stella's death. The air that escapes Piper's mouth manages to formulate into a semi understandable sentence that Red focuses to hear. "I can't talk about it anymore."

"Alright, lie down Piper. I'll get you a cloth to wipe you up with."

No matter the age, a false sense of protection is always found under the covers. It is where you can shield yourself from chaos. But the one thing that can't be lost under the covers is yourself and your mistakes. In fact, in Piper's case, being under the covers only let's her demons scream even louder as they channel into her deepest fears. Her fears of losing Alex and being alone.

"Piper, come out so I can clean you up. The last thing you want is a million questions when you feel like this. Believe me, I've been there before and it's not something you want to endure." Red softly lifts up the covers that engulf Piper and begins to pat her down with a cold, wet cloth to clear the residue that has been left from Piper's altercation with Alex.

Red is soft and gentle in her process, but Piper jerks abruptly when Red touches locations with the most damage and pain associated with them.

"Red, why do I hurt her?" Piper looks past Red and off into the distance thoughts that are possessing her mind.

"Who, Alex?" Red pauses and takes a seat next to Piper on the bed.

Piper nods in agreement.

"Sometimes we don't want to let people know how much we love them. And sometimes we need to trick _ourselves_ into thinking that we don't love someone as much as we actually do in order for us to still feel like we have part of ourselves left. Like we aren't captured by another human. Like we can do it on our own. But sometimes we can't. Sometimes people are too beautiful and too mesmerising. And when we realise that, we become terrified. And that's when we hurt."

…...

With prison toilet paper feeling like sand paper, Alex scrubs any remaining evidence of her beating. Although blood can be wiped off the skin, bruises remain, prominent and heavy with swirls of purple and brown caressing each other.

Several questions have been thrown at Alex as she stands in front of the bathroom mirror, but with these questions came no answers. Alex doesn't have the patience to explain herself and even if she did have the patience, having others in her business has never been Alex's objective.

Throughout the few minutes of being confined to the bathroom basin, some inmates have grown the strength to stop at the basin next to Alex and stare in awe, making it more than noticeable that they are intrigued. As Alex wraps up her bloody toilet paper, she can sense eyes looming directly onto her swollen and bruised cheek.

"What the fuck are you looking at?" Alex turns abruptly to see Nicky practically jumping out of her skin at Alex's forceful tone.

"Sorry Vause, didn't mean to be rude." Nicky says in an apologetic and soft voice.

"I didn't realise it was _you_ Nichols. I thought it was one of those stupid bitches that let their mouth run more than _they r_ un. Fuck. I look like an absolute mess." Alex focuses on the wound at the top of her scalp as she leans in closer to the dirty mirror.

"What's a couple of bruises Vause? These women be looking like fucking cavemen up in this joint." Nicky gives a short chuckle in Alex's direction with Alex doing the same.

"That's the ugly truth right there."

"Hey, I know what will make you feel better Vause..." Nicky leans in to whisper into Alex's ear "hooch in the library?"

Alex's eyes light up like fireworks."Are you seriously asking me that question? Let's go."

…...

"I'm just going to come right out and ask.. What the fuck happened to you?" With a jar of hooch in hand, Nicky takes a large handful, passing it over to Alex once she's finished.

"Ugh. Guess who..." Alex rolls her eyes and leans back onto the book shelf that is supporting her.

"Like uh, fucking Pennsatucky? The other meth heads? That weird Lolly chick?"

"You _suck_ at this game Nicky." Alex laughs loudly with her eyes monitoring the rest of the library for intruders.

"So who the fuck was it?"

"Piper." With Piper's name escaping Alex's mouth, she downs more hooch than is necessary to start a fire in her stomach.

"Fucking Chapman? Are you serious right now? How the fuck did that start?" Nicky's eyes are wide open, sharing her confusion within her dark pupils.

"She blamed me for Stella's death. She said if it wasn't for me telling her that no one wanted her, she would still be alive."

"Listen Vause. People don't kill themselves over shit like that. There were many underlying battles that Stella was facing that we don't know about. But let me get this straight... She blamed you for Stella's death and then _she_ was the one who beat you?"

"Basically. I did some damage myself but that was _after_ Piper's craziness. You know Nichols, sometimes love just isn't enough to keep two people together. Sometimes people are just downright horrible for each other Piper and I are the leading example in that one." Alex sighs hard in realisation She wishes that she could have a healthy relationship with Piper, but after years of constant pain and turbulent love, she knows that it can never be.

"I know the feeling Vause. Hey, how the fuck are you two not in max?"

"Mr Caputo let us off with two shots and janitorial duty for a month."

"And _that's all_? Wow, this place is so weird. I got thrown in max for suspected drug possession with no evidence at all, but you and Piper get nothing for beating each other up? I mean, I'm happy that you both don't have to spend time in max but the system here is just, so fucked up."

"This whole world is fucked up. And so are we Nichols."

"Speaking of fucked up, _we_ are going to be if we don't get out of here. These walls have eyes and so do the books in here."

"What fucking books? There's like five of them."

"Welcome to Litchfield kiddo."

As Alex attempts to help herself up from the ground, she stumbles, hitting herself on the bookshelf with a loud bang that echoes through the library.

"Fucking lightweight. You're going to get us caught." Nicky whispers in Alex's ear as she puts her arm around her for support.

With arms around each other, Nicky walks Alex to her bunk at a slow pace. As they waddle through the corridors, Mr Caputo sends alarm bells ringing inside Nicky's mind as he stands purposefully alongside Officer Bell.

"There's no room." Mr Caputo attempts to speak quietly while his fury is evident in his voice.

"You have girls in here trying to kill each other and you're just going to leave them here?" Officer Bell puts no effort into reducing the volume of the words that escape her mouth.

"Max and the SHU are overflowing. It was a one time thing with these girls. Believe me, I don't want them to kill each other even more than you do. It'll be fixed. I promise. Just not now." As Officer Bell opens her mouth to speak, Alex starts obnoxiously laughing. It gets Mr Caputo and Officer Bell's attention immediately as their heads pivot in the direction of Nicky and Alex.

"Shut the fuck up." Nicky pinches the back of Alex's arm and whispers in Alex's ear in hope that she was not seen.

"Ladies." Nicky wears a forced smile as Mr Caputo pauses and waits for Alex and Nicky to walk past. Nicky attempts to make it look like Alex can walk in a straight line, but the reality is far from that. Fortunately enough, Mr Caputo and Officer Bell are silent for the rest of their trip down the corridor.

Once Nicky and Alex are clear from the eyes of Mr Caputo and Officer Bell, Nicky let's go of the firm grip that she had on Alex's waist in order to attempt to keep her stable. "I'm going to fucking kill you Vause."

"It's not like someone hasn't tried to do that before. _Twice_ actually." Alex bursts into a fit of laughter as she stumbles into her dorm.

Nicky keeps a firm eye on anyone who might be a danger but when she lays Alex down in her bed, those worries melt away.

"Listen here kid, you go to sleep so you can sober up. I'll come check on you later alright?" Nicky sweeps her thumb across Alex's forehead as Alex mumbles softly to herself.

With the feeling of emancipation, Nicky exits the bunk and leaves Alex to sleep off the excessive amount of alcohol she has consumed.

…...

Nothing is more distasteful and horrific than being woken up from a sleep that was in need. Especially when alcohol is involved. Alex moans as she can hear a familiar voice travel into her half-awake mind. She rolls over and opens her eyes to see Piper standing at the entrance of her bunk, looking childish and ashamed.

"Hey Alex, can we talk?" Piper speaks softly and carefully, just hovering over her words.

Alex maintains her position in her bed but manages to amplify her thoughts. "I think you said enough with your _fist_ Piper."

"Alex, I'm sorry. I'm _so_ sorry. I don't know what got into me. Please, let's just talk it out."

"When will we realise that we just aren't meant to be together." Alex makes sure to catches Piper's eye.

Piper is silent in a long, torturous pause that exudes pain. When the silence is too long for comfort, Piper manages to speak up. "People who aren't meant to be together don't feel this way towards each other"

"Then why do we treat each other like this? I mean, look at us..."

"Alex. I, I can't deal with loss. I end up shoving all my grief onto the people closest to me. But I love you Alex. I love you."

"Piper, how long have I known you for? Believe me, I know how you are when it comes to loss. But that's no excuse to be yanking my hair out and using my face as a punching bag. Like really? How old are we? Don't we have enough people in here that want to assault us? Sometimes love isn't enough to keep two people together Piper."

"I'm so sorry. We can make it work like we always do Al."

"Just let go Piper"

"I can't let go Alex. I don't want to." Piper is visibly shaking and struggling to hold herself together. Her fear of letting go is more severe than her fear of Alex leaving her for good.

"I can't ride this wave out anymore. I can't do this."

"Forgive me Alex. Forgive me and we can get back to how we were. Remember how amazing that feels."

"That's not the way this works anymore Piper. We're playing this absurd game of tug of war and I'm dropping the rope."


	17. Planting new seeds

The stench of fresh meat is more horrific than any concoction of revolting objects combined. It has a way of travelling through corridors and up the noses of anyone unfortunate enough to be in it's path. It's sickening. But every inmate in Litchfield knows what it's like to be the one that stinks.

For most of the new inmates at Litchfield, their first hours have been an analysis game in which they use their eyes to measure character. And as the day comes to an end, they are already situated within their designated groups based on race.

"These newbies won't know what hit them when they get a taste of this dinner. If they thought breakfast and lunch were bad, they've got no clue." Nicky picks up the creamy substance that lays flat in her tray with her fork and sloshes it around, making it swirl into a watery mess.

"Can you even call it food?" Alex doesn't attempt to eat it. She stares at her tray in disgust as her mind trails over the food she wishes was in-front of her.

"My vomit looks better than this." Nicky smirks at the truth within her comment.

"Probably tastes better too."

"I am actually trying to eat here ladies. Please, if you don't mind." Sister Ingalls abruptly raises her voice as her stare heats the air surrounding Nicky and Alex as they attempt to suppress their laughter.

"Let's get the fuck out of here hey kid? I can't stand being around here any longer." Nicky waits for a reply from Alex, but receives nothing.

Alex stares long and hard past Nicky into the concoction of new inmates that carefully approach the cafeteria tables, still with caution, one step at a time.

"Vause?" Alex is caught within her own thoughts so deeply that she fails to notice Nicky's question. The occupants of the table notice Alex's emotional absence as their eyes follow where Alex's lead.

Nicky softly taps the back of her hand across Alex's cheek. "Hey Vause, stop playing with the prison fairies."

"Hmm?"

"Let's get out of here before you lose your mind completely."

"Sorry, I was just uhh, thinking."

"Sure you were." Nicky smirks as she leads Alex to empty her tray and leave the cafeteria. "Library? You seem like you need it."

"I'd love to Nicky, but I have janitorial duty. Why the fuck are they making us clean at night? Isn't it an early morning thing? Atleast I'm not in seg or max."

"That's the spirit kid. I'll be drinking for you Vause."

…...

"Hey"

"Hey." Alex's voice is drier than usual. She fails to meet Piper's eyes that are locked onto hers, just waiting for an opportunity to share a warm smile.

Both Piper and Alex mop the floors in the most obscure silence that is known to mankind. They can both feel it in the air, like it's a tangible item that they can't bring themselves to touch. It's a waiting game. They know how easily words fall out of each others mouths when they are together. That's why this form of silence is particularly gruesome.

"You know, it's kinda funny that they put us down here together, seeing as we nearly killed each other" Piper's forced laughter is abruptly shut down by Alex's silence. The emptiness suddenly feels like it's consuming Piper. She finds it hard to maintain a normal exterior when her insides feel like they are falling out and spilling onto the newly mopped floor in a giant heap.

With Piper's ability to compose herself slowly increasing after long moments of silence, she asks the question that has been eating away at her mind all day. "Who was that girl Alex? The one you saw in the cafeteria?"

"She's no one." Alex's briefness makes Piper cringe.

"She's obviously someone. It wasn't even your face that gave it away, it was the fact that you were so lost in staring at her that you didn't realise Nicky was speaking to you. Who is she?" Alex has always been one to have a sharp awareness of her surroundings and the people within it. It's a quality that Alex needed to possess in her occupation. She is rarely consumed by her thoughts enough to escape her reality. Piper knows this just as much as Alex does. It's that fact that makes Piper agitated by the thought of the girl that Alex had eyes for.

"Why does it concern you? Just leave it alone ok? Leave _me_ alone." Alex shoves her mop forcefully onto the wall, with it's rebound near missing Alex's head as she walks away.

"I didn't mean to make you upset Alex. I'm sorry." With purpose, Piper reduces the volume and anger embedded in her voice. The last thing she wants is for Alex to leave.

"I'm not upset Piper, you're just annoying."

"I was just asking..."

Alex forcefully turns around to face Piper head on. "Well don't. I know exactly what you're trying to do here. Things aren't going to jump back to how they were Piper. I thought I made that very clear."

"I wasn't trying anything Alex."

"I _know you_ Piper. Even if you don't see it, this is how you work. This is your way of trying to get things back to how they were. You try to break the tension, and once you do, you jump onto my vulnerability before I can even think." Alex startles herself by how quick her words shoot through her mouth. Each word like a bullet, puncturing Piper more and more until finally they come to an abrupt end with no more bullets to fire and an empty gun left hanging in Alex's mouth.

Piper realises how right Alex is. Sometimes people can see things from the outside that you can't see from within. The realisation is painful, but nothing can be as painful as losing Alex all together.

"I can't help wanting things to be normal. I miss you ok. I hate being like this." Piper can't seem to get her gaze away from Alex's eyes. Her eyes are what she loved the most. Her eyes hold everything that was once perfect.

"I'll tell you what _I_ hate... Being told I was the one at fault for Stella's suicide. And I'll tell you what else I hate... The fact that I look in the mirror and still have bruises and wounds from when you attacked me like a fucking wild dog. _That's_ what I fucking hate."

"I know Alex. I know. I'm sorry. But I can't go back and change things now, no matter _how_ much I want to." Piper feels herself reiterating all the horrific things she said to Alex in her mind. It's more vivid than it was when it all unfolded.

Piper digs deep into the waistband of her pants and pulls out a crumbled piece of paper that she carefully unfolds and hands to Alex. "Read it"

Alex's eyes flick through the words on the page, making sure every sentence sinks in. She notes certain phrases in her mind that feel like tiny pins stabbing into her hands as her eyes roll over them. Alex pauses and holds onto the last word on the page. ' _Stella_ '.

"Stella wrote this to you?"

"Yeah. The morning that it all happened. I didn't see it until after." Piper's voice is soft and scared as her head tilts towards the floor.

"Why are you showing me this?"

"So much of it is stuck in my mind and doesn't want to get out. Stella knew how much we love each other She told me to help you swim when you were drowning, and I did the exact opposite. I pushed you under. I think the dead sometimes have more of an impact with their words than the living do. I feel like I need to put in the effort you deserve to make this all right."

"I'm guessing the part where Stella says that I was right when I told her no one would ever want her stuck too? I guess there's things we all want to take back Piper. Everything always seems to be done too late. Is that all that our lives are? Just things that aren't done at the right time?" Alex sighs loud enough for Piper to feel the air move around her face like a gentle breeze. It feels like everything Piper's ever wanted.

"Some things aren't meant to be done at all. And some things are meant to be done regardless of the right or wrong time. I don't think we are ever meant to find out which one truly applies to us, but I know that everything we have done felt too right to be wrong. I love you... Please say it back. Please Alex."

"I told you, this isn't the way this works anymore. It's not that simple."

"But you do love me, so why can't you tell me that you do." Piper is gripping onto hope. The hope that Alex will luxuriously say the words that she wants to hear and that will make her feel better. It will take all the pain away. All the grief. All the regrets. But it doesn't happen.

"I'm going to leave you to it Piper. You've always done a better job at cleaning than I have." Without a smile or even proper goodbye, Alex leaves Piper alone with her mop and bucket to clean her way through the omissions of their conversation.

…...

Alex leads herself straight to the bathroom where the toilet cubicle is the closest form of privacy she can obtain. With her eyes closed and her mind racing, Alex breathes slow and deep, making sure to let out every ounce of breath left in her lungs. After several minutes, Alex composed herself enough to exit.

"Alex Vause." A dark, slim figure makes herself known to Alex.

"Yeah?"

"Don't bullshit me, you know exactly who I am." She smirks as Alex turns around to face her.

"It's been a while Sky." A platonic greeting fills the bathroom, making everything else inside seem small.

"It's Nicholson in here Vause. How you been doing over the past decade?"

"I got myself in prison, I can't say things are perfect." Alex let's out a nervous laugh that makes Sky wonder about her sanity in Litchfield.

"I know the feeling."

"How the fuck did you get yourself locked up in here for so long?"

"I was a reckless, naive little girl when you took me in. The life of drug smuggling seemed adventurous and spontaneous and I didn't see the consequences. I made a lot of stupid mistakes and did a lot of stupid shit. Some of it was found out straight away, and some later on. Like 10 years later on. I was out for a few years but some things have a way of coming back to haunt you."

"Like me." Alex's nervous laughter formulates into a genuine one as she rediscovers the friendship that was lost under the dusty years that have passed by.

"Yeah, like you. You know, i don't blame you for any of it Alex. Every decision I made could have been stopped. I wasn't forced to do anything. I just wish I made smarter choices."

"When we get caught we always wish we made smarter choices." Alex let's out a heavy sigh and turns her head to look in the mirror as her fingertips sweep over the healing wound at the top of her forehead.

"I heard some things about you though Alex. You settled down for a while. Stopped picking up mules. Some rich white girl apparently. Never thought it could happen to you. _The_ Alex Vause, notorious for jumping from girl to girl in an effort to heighten her career opportunities."

"You didn't settle down after me?" Alex raises her eyebrow in true Alex Vause fashion.

"Hey, don't turn this around on me. Who was this rich white girl huh?"

"She was more than a rich white girl."

"Then who was she. Spill."

"She made me into something that I never thought I could be. If that doesn't say something then I don't know what does." Piper made Alex dedicated. Dedicated to her. Alex never thought she could love being in love so much. She always saw herself continuously chewing up girls and spitting them out with no real connection except for physical, but Piper changed all of that. Piper being a rich white girl doesn't even scratch the surface of who she really is, or who she is to Alex.

"And that's all?"

"I haven't seen you in 10 years. I'm not just going to share my deepest feelings with you like that. I don't even do that to the people closest to me."

"Hey how's Diane? I always loved that woman. She always made fun of my cooking failures."

"She died Sky."

"Oh my god. I am _so_ sorry Alex. I didn't know."

"I know."

"Fuck, I'm sorry. If you don't mind me asking, how did it happen?"

"Aneurysm."

"How long ago?"

"Hey I know you're just curious, but I don't want to talk about it anymore." The pain that comes with talking about her mother has a way of dragging Alex down to the places that haunt her the most.

"Sorry, I'll stop. You know how curiosity gets the best of me."

"You remember Kubra?"

"Of course I do. He was a complete psychopath, but he was the boss so nobody disobeyed him. I remember nearly wetting myself when I first met the guy."

"I testified against him, and so he tried to kill me. Twice."

"Are you serious? Aren't you terrified?"

"I'm not scared of him anymore Sky. People like him are petty. They make other people do the hard work while they sit on their ass counting the money."

"You are seriously more of a badass than I thought you were."

"I've just been through too much shit to be scared anymore."

Red's fierce aura is felt before she is seen. She hauls herself up onto the counter between Alex and Sky and places her glasses on the bridge of her nose. "Alex, you know the person you should be scared of the most. She's in here with you."

"What's up Red?"

"Do you mind leaving us to talk honey?" Red says gently in the direction of Sky.

"No worries, I'll see you around Alex." Sky pats Alex gently on the back and retreats from the bathroom.

"How have you been doing the last few days Alex."

"I've been fine, why?"

"You know, I have my daughters in here. I protect them. I keep them safe, with them behaving well in return. I think of you as my daughter Alex. I've seen what you've been through and I want nothing more than to shelter you from the storm but that's not the way life works. Especially in here. You're a strong girl, but you've been hurt so much. There's one person that's hurt you particularly badly and it's not even the person trying to kill you. I'm going to make the assumption that you're not with Piper from the brawl you two had, yes?"

"We've had our ups and downs but it's never gotten physical like that. Red, it's so hard and so easy to be with her all in one.

"It's so hard because you're vulnerable. Raw. Exposed. And she's taken advantage of that many times before. The only reason it's easy is because you love her. My advice is keep strong and stay independent for now. No running back and no hanky panky. She needs to realise how good she had it. She loves you, there's no doubt about that. But what she does to you is painful to watch."

…...

Prison bed time is divided up into two forms of groups. The earlies, who consist of the golden girls and an array of other inmates who prefer to go to sleep early. And then there's everyone else who manage to fall asleep in unison.

As the earlies fall into shallow sleep, Red makes her way back to her bunk. She moans as she lays herself down in her bed. She quite often thinks about going home and being able to sleep in a bed that doesn't feel like a rock underneath her. And actually being able to sleep under all the covers. It's something that she longs for, but it's been so long that she can't exactly remember how it feels.

With a repeated moan louder than the first, Red turns herself over to face Piper.

"Piper?"

"Yeah?" Groggily, Piper half opens her eyes to see Red looking back at her.

"Piper, do you remember when Alex was in hospital and you thought she died?"

"It's a hard thing to forget Red."

"And remember how you felt when she came back?"

"Mhm... It was like she brought back pieces of me that were missing."

"Why can't you two be in a relationship where you don't hurt each other? I watched you in those two pivotal moments and I know how horrified and how happy they made you feel. You need to accept that she is the best thing that's ever happened to you. Accept that there is no one else in this world that is going to love you like she does. Accept that taking her for granted is not something you can afford to do. Accept your mistakes and accept that you need to fix them in order to get what you want. Understand what Alex deserves from you. Real relationships are not a game. You can't play with someone's feelings. Especially someone who asked for _you_ before anyone else when she came back. She would die for you."

"I would die for her too."

"Treat her like you would."

"I'm trying to fix everything. I really am. But maybe I'm going about it all wrong. Maybe it's not about fixing things. Maybe it's about starting from somewhere new. Instead of watering a dead tree maybe I should plant a new one."

 _ **Author notes:**_

 _ **It's been too long, but i'm back.**_

 _ **So one of Alex's previous drug mules has landed in Litchfield. Is she just planning to strengthen her friendship with Alex, or is she planning something much more sinister?**_

 _ **Red is taking Alex under her wing and protecting her at all costs even though she has a great sense of admiration towards Piper's love for Alex. Is Red looking to sabotage their relationship? Will Red make Piper's guilt eat her alive?**_

 _ **I write for you guys, so please, if you have any suggestions, I will try to accommodate or gain inspiration from them. As always, stay tuned and enjoy x**_


	18. Instant noodles and emotions

Her movements are unwillingly soft and seductive as she sways like a fragile flower in the autumn breeze.

She has the night sky embedded within her eyes. Every star and every galaxy is highlighted in a beautiful concoction of greens, blacks and whites, swirled together to formulate a hypnotising and poisonous formulation.

She doesn't realise she is being watched.

Her dark strands of hair form a twisted tale of depth and uncertainty as they flow ever so smoothly down her back.

The feelings towards her cannot be suppressed. They cannot be extinguished. It's a fire that burns on, until there is nothing left to burn.

It's a feeling that does not have an outlet anymore. It's trapped within, and the only solution is a magnified outburst. But there are more imperative opportunities at hand today.

Watching the beauty of Alex Vause from afar will not suffice, leaving an approach as the only option.

With soft, gentle steps, the observer walks on a direct path into Alex's bunk, making sure her last step is loud enough to hear.

Alex turns around quickly, allowing her sweet scent to drift through the bunk. She smells like how the deepest love feels.

"Hi, I'm Piper Chapman." With a youthful smile and a body full of hope, Piper is ready to unleash her spontaneous plan.

"What?" Alex crunches her face in confusion as her mind tries to comprehend the nature of Piper's introduction.

"My name's Piper Chapman. I saw you from across the hallway and I was wondering if you wanted to go on a date with me sometime so we can maybe get to know each other better."

Alex's confusion only increases, but after a long moment of silence, realisation dawns on Alex. "Oh, I see what you're doing. Piper Chapman, thank you for the offer but I'm not interested in going on any kind of date at the moment."

"Are you single?"

"Yes, I'm single."

"Then what's the harm? I'll even throw in a free meal for you."

"If I say yes will you leave me alone?"

"Tonight, meet me in the TV room just before dinner." Piper leaves the bunk before Alex has a chance to deny the offer.

Piper can feel her pulse beating in her neck as she comprehends what she has just achieved. Piper wants this night to be perfect, but supplies and resources within the prison aren't in Piper's favour, so she opts for instant noodles in Alex's favourite flavour, served on proper plates that Red gave to her after only minutes of pleading.

The guard on duty in the TV room is part of the array of new guards that seem to make their way through the prison faster than the rumours about who's fucking who. Due to this favourable circumstance, Piper is able to set up her below mediocre date without any hesitations or confrontations.

Piper takes a hesitant look at her display and is far from satisfied. Her mind scurries through possibilities of how the date can look less 'prison like'. It's far from both Piper and Alex's liking. Her only outcome is in the form of a small bunch of yellow dandelions from the yard that are placed in a cup right in the centre of the table. The irony of the dandelions makes Piper laugh to herself, with the concerned eyes of the guard looming as Piper takes a seat and waits for Alex to enter.

The wait is torturous. With every passing minutes, the likelihood of Alex showing decreases so rapidly it makes Piper visibly sick. Piper firmly puts her hand on her heart to reassure herself that she is still alive and still willing to go through with this, but the velocity of her heart rate terrifies her.

"What is this Piper?" Without warning, Alex calmly walks into the room, bringing with her a pleasant aura that catches Piper off guard.

"Come sit down" Piper points to the chair opposite her as she repositions her own chair so that is faces Alex perfectly.

A long moment of silence follows as neither Alex or Piper know what to say. The tension fills up the room and Piper struggles to squeeze out the words she needs to say. Eventually, they escape with just enough volume for Alex to hear.

"So, Alex, tell me a bit about yourself."

"Oh my god this is so stupid." Alex let's out an obnoxious laugh that makes Piper suddenly feel like she is too small for her chair. She sinks in embarrassment but the truth behind why she is here lifts her back up from the deep ocean that is her insecurities.

"It's stupid that I'm trying to get to know you?"

"What does this remotely have to do with anything Piper?"

"Just answer. Tell me about yourself."

"I'm in prison with my ex girlfriend that is _actually_ crazy." Alex explodes in a laugh that jolts Piper's senses to life by the volume that fills her ears. Her answer sincerely disappoints Piper as she hoped this date would bring a new level of seriousness and understanding to their relationship.

Piper sighs harshly with her annoyance building. "Ok then, tell me what your idea of a perfect woman is."

"Someone with a vagina... That can make me cum." Simultaneously, Alex and Piper both burst into laughter filled with happiness, but Piper tries to suppress her laughter as quickly and efficiently as possible. Piper knows that with these forms of answers, the topic of conversation is veering more and more off track which is the one thing she feared.

"I want to get to know you on a deeper level Alex Vause. Seriously.." Piper locks onto Alex's eyes with a strength that is reciprocated. They have been here many times before. They know this feeling. The feeling of staring into each other's eyes long enough for the world to not exist anymore. But it feels different this time. The same feeling is now glistened with melancholy and the bittersweetness of looking at the memories they shared through the filter of each others saddened eyes. "What is the thing your most scared about for the future?"

"Dying in this shit hole. Or maybe dying alone."

"Who is the person you want to die with then?" With this question, comes the answer that Piper wants. She wants to hear her name leave Alex's lips. She wants it _so_ bad it hurts.

"Someone who makes me happy. Someone who in my last breath will make me feel alive." Alex nervously looks down to her plate and starts fiddling with her fork that hangs loosely between her slender fingers.

"What's your biggest regret in life?"

Alex looks up to catch Piper's eyes and then veers away, looking into the distance with the introduction of tears that are starting to consume her eyes."Not spending enough time with my mom." Every word that leaves Alex's mouth sounds as painful as nails on a chalkboard. It hurts.

Piper immediately feels the guilt starting to seep into her organs as she follows a tear that glides down Alex's cheek. It takes all her strength not to lean over and hold her and tell her that it will be ok. She can't do it. Not now. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked that question."

"Why are you doing all this Piper?" Alex uses the back of her hand to aggressively wipe her eyes.

Piper has to prepare herself. Rehearsing this answer doesn't seem to have been enough. She takes a deep breath in and rips down every single one of her barriers before walking past them in the way of words. "I realised that I was watering a dead plant. I want to start new. I was trying to fix our relationship by brushing everything under the rug but that's not fixing anything. I want to show you in every possible way how much I care for you, and how in love with you I am. I am so sorry for everything. For _absolutely everything_ that I've done to you. I know apologies don't make up for it, but I can't think of any other way to to begin. I'm not asking you to get back together with me or even to forgive me, I just want you to understand everything that I am saying to you."

"Watering a dead plant... was our relationship dead?"

"We had the love Alex and I could never stop loving you, but things were so much better before. We fed off love and now we feed off hate. I didn't do _stupid shit_ before. Our relationship... You...were all I had eyes for. It was just us. The rest of the world didn't exist. I think about the time you almost... With Aiden. It makes me so scared. It makes me terrified of losing you. Losing you in a relationship is one thing, but completely... God. When you were gone I just continuously thought about how I didn't say things enough. How I didn't say I loved you enough. I love you Alex. _I love you_." The lump in Piper's throat grows large enough to fill the entire room. Piper can't fight it anymore. She shuts her eyes for a brief moment and when they reopen, a tsunami of tears come flowing down. She doesn't wipe them dry. She just leaves them to drop off the bottom of her face ever so delicately onto the table.

"I know you do Piper. I know." Alex's voice is soft and gentle. Piper glides over the words in her mind over and over before she feels the need to reply.

"I'm glad." In a bunch, Piper strokes her fingers over her cheeks, taking the residue from her tears with them. "This is our new seed growing ok? Neither one of us know what it's going to turn into but I hope it's something great."

"Can I ask _you_ some questions now?"

"Of course."

"Did you think of me when you were with Stella? Be honest with me." Another grim silence enters and is stretched to a point where it cannot bounce back. Alex can see Piper re-evaluating what she wants to say, but in the end she says it regardless of the consequences.

"No. No I didn't." Piper has to force the words out. She scrambles and brawls with them until they finally give in and drip from her mouth.

"What part of her letter made you blame me so quickly for her death?" For both Alex and Piper, this question rips of the newly formed scabs and progressional healing that has taken place on their wounds. They are left with a raw and painful mess that needs an explanation.

"I can't believe I blamed you for her death. Those words on the page aren't blaming you. You shouldn't have to carry that burden around with you, especially when what I was accusing you of isn't true. I was caught up in a whirlwind of anger and loss and reading that just made me blame the persons name that was on the page. And it was _your_ name."

"How do I know that you're not just going to cheat on me or blame me for something crazy again?"

"I know how much you're worth." Piper doesn't even think. The words simply fall out of her mouth and plaster themselves onto Alex, with the inability to budge.

"Am I just an object? Is my worth all that matters?"

"I didn't mean it like that Alex. You are _so_ important to me. I'm going to treat you right. I'm going to give you everything you deserve."

"Why shouldn't I just go and find somebody else?"

"Alex, if that's what you truly want and that's what you think is best for you, go for it. But no one will ever love you like I do. No one has the memories that you and I share. No one sees what I see in you." A frosted and glassy exterior glazes itself over Piper's eyes. She's trying not to think about herself anymore. She knows it's not up to her to regain Alex into her life. She's fucked up too many times to have the luxury of choice and control.

"What do you see in me Piper?"

This is Piper's opportunity to let go of everything she has ever held back before. What she sees in Alex feels like home. A familiar place where Piper feels protected and secure. It's warm and cozy and not even her own childhood house could take it's place. It just never feels remotely the same. It's incomparable. "I see this beautiful, intelligent, passionate woman who loves harder than any other person I know, but will also take two seconds to break your face if you cross her the wrong way." Piper pauses and shares a shy half smile with Alex before continuing. "I see someone who wants nothing more than to be loved indefinitely but finds it difficult to take her walls down in order to let people in. I see a woman who's so strong and courageous. I see someone who doesn't deserve the things she's been through. I see you in all your beautiful perfection. If I'm being totally honest, I could go on for hours."

Alex feels herself blush and tries to hide it by leaning on her arm that is resting upon the table.

"In all the years I have known you, you haven't said these things to me."

"It's because I'm fucking stupid and I was scared that if you saw every corner of me, you would take advantage of me. You would hurt me."

"And instead you hurt _me_." Without meaning to, Alex's voice is harsh and dry.

The words stab Piper right in her open wounds deep enough to come out the other side. She feels like she's drowning in the blood. Gagging and unable to save herself. It's too thick, too deep. She doesn't know how she's still able to cry, how all her tears haven't dried out yet. It's beginning to feel painful. Like with every tear that streams down her face, she loses Alex that tiny bit more. "Yeah. And instead I hurt you."

"Thanks for all this Piper, really. I'll see you around." Leaving Piper broken and drowning, and a plate of instant noodles at the table, Alex leaves the vicinity without another ounce of emotion to share.

Piper is still, trying to breath, with her hand on her heart once again. She's alive, but she feels like she's dying. Her gaze drops to see a small pool of tears that has gathered on the table.

She adds to it, minute after minute until finally somebody intercepts her self destruction.

"I'm guessing it didn't go so well?" Red can see the ache radiating off Piper. She can see the want and the desire, the torture and realisation. Red can see it all embedded into a girl struggling to fight back the tears.

"God I'm such a fuck up."

"What did you say wrong?"

"I told her how I felt Red. But I wouldn't be fighting for her back if it wasn't for the things I did."

"I believe in the concept 'you want something, go get it.' Be persistent and be honest. But realise that if you do wrong, it's all over for you. Don't fuck up. Simple as that." Red makes it sound so simple. Like one day Piper will wake up and Alex will want to be with her again. The fairytale ending will come about and she can live happily ever after. Reality doesn't work like that. When love is mixed with hate and jealousy and lies, things become complex. Things don't always work out the way you want them to.

…...

"Hey Alex" Although cheerful, Sky is cautious with her tone as she approaches a startled Alex.

"Hey, how you liking Litchfield so far?" Alex brushes her date with Piper under the rug; exactly the thing she shouldn't do. For so long, denial has been the only progression, but denial doesn't resolve. It remains, bubbling away at the insecurities and heartstrings until it eventually explodes.

"That's Piper isn't it?"

"What?"

"That's the girl that changed you. I walked past your little date, or whatever you want to call it. I saw you two."

"We aren't together anymore Sky."

"No fairytale ending? That's so heartbreaking."

"Far from it."

"What happened?"

"What _didn't_ happen."

"You can tell me... My mouth is sealed"

"Your mouth is far from sealed. I know how you are. Remember when you nearly threw our whole operation into the water because you decided to tell a random guy you met at the mall how successful you were at being a drug mule? Because I remember that vividly."

"That was _one_ time Alex."

"One time too many." Alex pushes out a forced laugh that Sky can see through with a pristine lens. Just as their conversation simmers down, Piper turns into the corner directly down the corridor to Alex and Sky.

Piper looks disheveled and anxious as she weaves her hand through her hair and fails to realise the appearance of the two women until the last moment.

Alex gives a soft nudge to Sky's shoulder as her panic rate starts to increase. "Don't you dare say anything."

"Hey Piper, I'm Sky. I'm an old friend of Alex's." Sky puts forward her hand in a conventional gesture as Alex rolls her eyes at the command.

"Nice to meet you Sky." Piper shakes Sky's hand softly. Piper knows how volatile she is at this very moment and the last thing she wants to be doing is greeting an old friend of Alex's.

Alex lied about knowing Sky, but Piper couldn't care less at this stage. It is her own emotions that she is trying to handle.

"I've heard so much about you"

"Really? Nice to see Alex filled you in"

"Oh no, I heard a lot about you through other people. Alex doesn't really say much about you. She knows I have a big mouth. But I saw you two eating together and it was so adorable." Although Sky is in her late 20's, her mind functions like a teenager. She is fascinated by relationships that she has no business knowing about. Especially a relationship that is currently non-existent.

"God, nice to know we had onlookers." Piper reciprocates the forced laughter that Alex displayed only moments ago.

"Can I be your like, relationship counsellor?"

"No." Alex's face and tone are dark and sinister. She knows exactly how immature and childish Sky can be and it only fuels her current emotional turmoil.

"I appreciate your concern Sky, but no one is going to be interfering with our relationship anymore. Regardless of your good intentions, this is between Alex and I." Piper takes a softer approach. She doesn't know if it's because she only just met Sky, or if this is just her maturity finally shining through the dark forest of her relationship with Alex. "Alex, I need to show you something." Alex nods in agreement as they trail off to the side of the corridor leaving Sky to observe every move.

Piper cautiously and softly pulls up her sleeve to reveal the disfigured and scarred tattoo that still remains imprinted on her skin. "You left before I could show you. It's something that you need to know."

"What is it?" Alex uses the edge of her fingers to lift her glasses up higher on her nose in an attempt to see clearer. All Alex can see is dismantled white lines and scars sprayed out on top of them.

"It, it was a tattoo. That Stella gave to me. It said 'trust no bitch'. When you were in the hospital I basically tried to get rid of as much as I could. It's my guilt sign."

"Am I the bitch?"

"No, no, you're not the bitch."

"Can't you girls just kiss and makeup?" In Sky's case, ignorance is not bliss, immaturity is not cute and being involved to the extent that she wants to be involved is not just showing concern.

Piper watches Alex rolls her eyes and sigh. She can sense the frustration and can feel the heat in the space between them. "It's not that simple Sky. When you love someone as much as I love Alex but you end up doing stupid things to make her second guess it, things get hard. Things die. That's why we're planting a new seed. I'll see you guys around."

Piper walks, leaving only inches between her and Alex as she passes. She smiles to herself. She just made herself proud. It's something she can somehow never achieve. Piper always has a way of tripping over the words she needs to say but every word that left her mouth in that last moment perfectly summed up her thoughts.

"She is _so_ cute Alex. She just said she loved you. Do you love her?"

"What kind of a question is that?" Alex attempts to bounce back from Piper's words. It's like Piper touched her in the places that were hurting with only the use of the English language at her fingertips.

"A pretty straightforward one. Do you love her?"

"I'm not saying anything to you and your blabber mouth."

"I'll take that as a yes."

 _ **Author notes:**_

 _ **Unfortunately, the chapters of this story are coming to an end. Bigger and better things are already formulating in my mind that are on a completely different road than where we are now with Piper and Alex.**_

 _ **Piper is standing up. She is being honest. She is stripping herself raw. She has always wanted nothing more than to be with Alex but she understands that she can't do the things she has done in the past.**_

 _ **Sky is being that awkward third wheel that no one enjoys. Her childlikeness and innocence doesn't work in her favour when she is playing with two emotional distraught women who want nothing more than solitude at the point in time after their date.**_

 _ **I hope you guys enjoy this chapter, stay tuned for more x**_


	19. Happy Birthday

Piper's nervousness rises like the tide as she steps one hesitant foot in front of the other, making sure to disguise the item she has gripped inside her hand. She glides her palm across the side of her torso, leaving behind the wetness that has accumulated within the creases of her palm.

It's been a long time coming. Countless hours swimming in the darkest part of the ocean until finally she can see again.

Until finally there is light.

Until finally, she remembers it all.

"Hey Alex, Happy Birthday" A beam of light and happiness explodes from Piper's facial expressions as she enters Alex's bunk. Her childlike excitement is almost embarrassing, but she truly doesn't care. She just wants Alex to feel the same excitement that she is currently feeling once she takes a look at the present Piper has made for her.

Alex's body is resting softly on her bed, facing the wall. It takes her a few long moments to bring herself to turn around and sit up, and when she does, she regrets it instantly due to the look on Piper's face.

Alex has been crying. The kind of crying that comes with waves of tsunamis that never stretch apart long enough for a recovery. It holds you under for more than you can handle, and once you can finally lift your head above the water, another hits harder than before.

Alex unwillingly looks up at Piper. Her eyes sting. They burn. They make her want to close her eyes forever and be lost within a time where things didn't hurt so much. She just wants to tell Piper that's she's ok, even though she is far from it. Even after everything, she can't stand to hurt her. If there's one thing Alex is certain of, it's that when she's in pain, so is Piper.

Every sense of warning in Piper's entirety spreads a cacophony of sounds to her brain. She can't think. It's all too loud, but she still has her instincts.

She places the makeshift book she still has in her hand on the floor next to Alex's bed and seats herself into the empty space that calls her name, warily making note of the distance between her and Alex.

She sweeps her fingers over Alex's pillow and pulls it onto her lap where it lays bare and cold, waiting for a companion. Amidst the hysteria in her mind, Piper longs to comfort Alex. To ease the pain. To make it all ok. "Come here Al."

Without hesitation, Alex leans herself over and rests her head on the pillow. She doesn't have the energy to fight anymore. She doesn't have the energy to think about the consequences.

Just as Alex's head seeps into the pillow, the next tsunami hits. Piper can hear the pain escaping with each of Alex's husky whimpers and moans. Alex grips onto the pillow, as if it'll save her from drowning. Save her from being engulfed by the wave. But it doesn't. She is being swallowed but all she can do is cry. She can feel it in her chest. It's tight and restricting, to a point where she can't stop no matter how hard she tries. It's too deep. Too heavy. But something's trying to pull her out. Trying to save her before she's gone forever. It's Piper.

Alex can feel her stroking her cheek with the lightest touch that still manages to lift the tears from her skin. It leaves a trail of safety that continues to linger no matter how many seconds go by. It averts Alex's focus from the tsunami; from the visible end of her sanity. "I'm here Alex, I'm here." Piper's words act as a lifeboat, transporting Alex to calmer waters where she can finally breathe again.

With every exhale and every stroke of her cheek, Alex travels further and further away from her tsunami until she has the strength to roll words out of her mouth into the open air. "I'm sorry Piper." It comes out as a cowardice whisper that leaves Alex feeling helpless and small.

"Don't. Don't be sorry."

Using what's left of her abilities, Alex pushes herself up from the pillow to lay her head on the clinical wall behind her. The edge of the brick framework digs into her scalp, but the walls support is comforting.

"Look at me" Piper's warm hands take place on either side of Alex's face, locking away the demons that haunt her with vindictive smiles.

"I miss her" Alex's walls come crashing down, letting a mass of tears flood the room and debris cover the floor. Alex doesn't try to hide it. She looks directly into Piper's eyes and let's the world of emotions take a hold of her and break her into two while Piper tries to hold her together as one. It's not about running anymore. It's about knowing what to do once you get caught.

"Who are you talking about Alex?"

"My mom" It barely escapes. It's engulfed by a painful moan that only just let's the words free. The words are weak and blow out like a flame. But this flame was dull to begin with. Alex's eyes are open, but she cannot see. Her vision is blurred by the salty water that is hungry for freedom.

"I know sweetheart. I know."

"She used to save up all year for my birthday and throw these elaborate parties just for the two of us. She would always bring home the best cake money could buy and we would spend the whole day eating it together with no one to tell us not to."

"She would be so proud of you Alex"

"Are you fucking serious Piper? I'm in prison"

"Take prison away for a second. Think about the person you are. Think about how strong you are. She would be proud of that."

"I guess" Alex says it in a whisper. Like she doesn't really believe it. She can't even look at Piper, so she averts her eyes past her, focusing on her own mind, rather than the subjects in front of her.

"Look at me. She would be proud of you." Piper repeats her words in hope that Alex will actually believe them.

"Thankyou for being here Piper. Really. But I just want to be alone for a while. Just wrap my head around things."

Piper nods silently in Alex's direction. "If you need me, you know where to find me. And when you're feeling up to it, have a look at the present I got you." Piper points to the book that lays flat on the floor and proceeds to leave the bunk. She knows Alex needs to be alone, but she craves being the person that makes Alex feel better again. She _was_ that person. The countless hours that they spent holding each other in times of hardship is unmeasurable, but Piper has to come to grips with the fact that things are not how they used to be.

Alex is sore and tender, both inside and out. Everything has been overused. Drained to a point where she needs to be charged up again.

She stays still and carefully and systematically inhales and exhales, until she feels mildly ok to exist. With a light screech, Alex twists enough to be able to reach the book on the floor. The exterior looks bare and lifeless, but the second she opens it, it contains more life than Alex has in herself.

Spread out page by page, the book is a detailed timeline of Alex and Piper's adventures around the world, fit with photos, thoughts and memories. A lot of which Alex forgot existed. She thought she couldn't cry anymore, but God was she wrong. Things couldn't be more different from the contents of the book and it produces an overflowing frustration that leaves Alex's body as small tears that meet the pages. It causes the ink to bleed and the words to transform into unrecognisable art pieces that have their own stories to tell. After hours flicking through the pages, she comes to the last words.

 _Love always, your Piper_

...

The contents of dinner seem to be increasing in disgust as the inmates get more and more fed up with consuming food that is less than edible. The food is the enemy, and the inmates are all at war.

Tray in hand, Alex takes a seat directly next to Piper in the cafeteria. It's something that she hasn't done for a long while. Piper tries to suppress the smile that is beaming across her face but struggles miserably. With little progress in their relationship, Piper finds immense comfort in the little things. The subtleties.

"Thanks for the present Piper. Really"

"I'm glad you liked it."

"Can we talk later? Properly?"

"Of course"

...

"Come sit" Alex pats the empty space next to her with her hand, signalling Piper to take it's place. Piper is extremely cautious and wary of the distance between her and Alex, making sure not to get too close for Alex's comfort.

"Sorry about before. I lost it a little. Even as the years go by it doesn't seem to get much easier." Alex is glad she could get through the words without the feeling of bursting into tears creeping up on her.

"Why are you sorry? You're aloud to feel that way."

"I just thought I had more self control"

"You know what keeping things locked inside does to people Alex"

There's an absence of sound in the bunk where Alex and Piper stay silent, waiting for the other to speak. Waiting for someone to say a little too much or dig deeper into their wounds to expose their insides.

"That book that you made; I spent hours looking through it over and over, just re-living every moment. Trying to picture the details that I'd thought I'd forgotten. We explored so many places but at the end of the day, it didn't really matter where we were. But I miss it all. I miss every place, every memory and every day that I had outside these walls. How the fuck did we get here Piper? How did everything change so much?"

"Change is inevitable, just like you are to me" The word 'inevitable' in itself brings back a haunting memory. A memory where things seemed perfect. Where staring into each others eyes on a prison bed was the simplest devotion of love.

"If we didn't end up here together, what do you think we would be doing?"

"I would be married. To _Larry_. You would have continued to be a distant memory and our lives would have been too different to ever cross paths again."

"Although things are fucked up in here and so are we, I wouldn't trade seeing you again after eight years for freedom. Ever."

"Me either" Piper looks down, re-charging her courage enough to expel the words that lay on the edge of her tongue, ready to take a leap of faith. "I really do love you Alex"

"I can't say it back Piper" Alex's eyes bounce across the room, almost ashamed that she can't say it back. The words are tainted with betrayal and heartbreak and as selfish as it seems, Alex doesn't think Piper deserves to hear them just yet.

"You don't have to"

"Does it hurt?"

"Does what hurt?"

"Not hearing me say it back?"

The truth hits Piper like a ton of bricks. She tries to recover quickly from her wounded self but instead, the lump in her throat makes an appearance. Piper grips onto her strength, pulls herself up, but slips in the process. With the fall, comes racing cars of tears zooming down her cheeks. "It hurts like hell. Like you wouldn't believe."

"I'm not meaning to hurt you Piper"

"I know. You always did a better job at looking after me and protecting me than I did for you and I thank you for it. I thank you for everything Alex. Everything in that book, everything in here. Thankyou for just being in my life." Piper means every word. It's not an attempt to get Alex back or a way to make Piper feel better about herself. It's pure honesty that is as pristine as the tears that continue to fall down her face.

"Regardless of how bat shit crazy things are right now, I couldn't leave even if I tried."

"Why is that?"

Alex searches for the answer in the dark forest filled with lies and truths. It stands right in front of her, but she cannot see it. She looks at reality through the filter of Piper's actions. It makes her blind. "I don't know."

"You _do_ know."

"Tell me then. Tell me why I can't walk away from you..."

"Because we know each other Because we have been through so much shit together. Because no matter how bad for each other we are, no one loves each other like we did."

"Did?"

"You can't even say you love me anymore Alex."

"That doesn't mean I don't. I do Piper. I, i just, I just can't say the words out loud yet."

Piper's insides flutter with delight. She lifts the back of her hand up to her lips, trying to disguise the smile behind it. She never let herself think that Alex still loved her. It was false hope that she hated to lean on incase it gave way and left her broken and empty. But with Alex's admission, Piper is finally back in the light. Her eyes are hazy once again, but this time it's a different feeling. There is no lump in her throat and no pain. It's happiness. In it's purest form.

Alex brings her arms around Piper and holds her tight, letting her know that she is still here and willing to comfort her. It takes Piper by surprise but the last thing she wants is for it to stop. It's been so long since Alex was the one to initiate any form of affection and Piper forgot how amazing it feels. Everything from Alex's strength in her embrace, her arousing scent, and her warm breath make Piper feel like this is exactly where she belongs.

Alex and Piper slowly let go simultaneously until their faces are parallel. They stare into each others familiar eyes, remembering how lost and hypnotising they are to one another. Piper cautiously and hesitantly leans closer, keeping a close eye on Alex's body language. To Piper's surprise, Alex reciprocates her actions, leaning in closer until she feels Piper's breath tingle her lips.

Piper softly caresses Alex's lips with her own. It's soft and tender, enough to feel like their own version of heaven. Piper's holds her lips onto Alex's for a brief moment just to savour the taste. The taste that she has been missing all this time. It feels like everything a kiss with the one you love should feel like.

Alex slowly pulls her lips away, making sure not to startle Piper with her movements. When there is a respectable amount of separation between them, they stay silent, making sure their eyes are the only objects that speak. They say the words I missed you and I love you, but their mouths remain shut until Piper finally speaks. "Happy Birthday"

 _ **Author notes:**_

 _ **The last chapter has caught up to me quicker than I expected. If all goes to plan, the next chapter will be the last.**_

 _ **I hope you guys enjoyed the Vauseman reunion. It's been a turbulent ride for Alex, Piper, You and I, but things are finally looking clear.**_

 _ **Tell me what you guys want to see next, seeing as a write for you.**_

 _ **Enjoy as always x**_


	20. Will you?

_This last chapter is set post prison. Post the trauma of cheating and lying; the craziness and the haziness. Thank you for sharing this abnormal ride with me, and I hope you enjoyed it. None of us know what the future will hold, but let's hope there is plenty of Vauseman to indulge in!_

...

Their bodies lay soft, but their love hard, as the sun trickles in through the slits between the blinds, shining on the exposed skin intertwined with blankets across the bed.

The background noises of the streets surrounding are chaotic and turbulent, but the diversity and constant movement of the city makes Alex and Piper feel like they are apart of a bigger picture, with each other as the main focus.

"Good morning beautiful" Alex softly shuffles in to Piper's warmth and presses her lips upon her cheek, letting out a seductive moan with it.

With a sleepy grace, Piper rotates her body and proceeds to stop as her face becomes parallel with Alex's. "Good morning". Piper unravels her hand out from under the blanket and swirls gentle patterns across the smooth canvas that is Alex's cheek. "I heart you".

"Well I love you, you pussy". It comes out as a whisper, but the smile spread across Alex's face can still be heard within her words.

"I love you too"

"Oh, so you change your mind now just because I said it?" Alex's husky laugh penetrates through the air with Piper reciprocating her actions.

"I love you Alex. In the storms, in the cold and in the sun. And it's not because I have to. It's because you are the most important and valuable thing in my life and I don't ever want it to be any other way. It's your presence that makes me happy. _So incredibly happy_. I love everything about you. I love you and I love you and I love you forever, with everything I have. I _promise_ you that."

"That's better" The corner of Alex's mouth peaks like a hill spread out across a level plane. It's unexpected, and intriguing, like the movements her eyes make up and down the contours of Piper's face. She really doesn't know how Piper does it. She doesn't know how someone could be created with such precision and perfection. The past is washed away into the depths of a deep, dark ocean and all that's left is a sparkling surface.

Piper leans in and let's her lips lock onto Alex's like it's her life support. Like it's the only thing separating her from life and death. Alex is the only one to remain, while the remnants of her family shatter one by one with every missed phone call and every disregarded effort. She's still the felon. She's still the lesbian. She's still the one in a relationship with an ex drug smuggler. Piper doesn't mind anymore. She often thinks back to the moment when she finally amplified her courage to her parents and her brother in the visitation room. When calling Alex her girlfriend wasn't something to be scared of anymore. _When she wanted people to know._

Alex breaks her lips away gently, careful not to startle Piper, but the kiss ends too early for Piper's liking. The taste of Alex's lips is never enough. It will _never_ suffice. Her touch, her smell. Every ounce of her tingles Piper's senses and it's something that she will never get used to.

"I have to get ready for work babe" Alex untucks herself from Piper's admirable gaze with immediate regret.

"Already?" It's Piper's childlike sadness that makes Alex almost feel bad for leaving. But the truth is, it would be selfish of Alex to stay. She wants to feel Piper's love for as long as she can, but disregarding other obligations in the real world isn't a sufficient way to live.

"Our apartment doesn't pay for itself."

"I know babe, I know. But I just want to spend the whole day lying in bed, doing nothing." Piper's words are muffled by the sheets that hang in front of her mouth.

"You can do that without me"

"Don't even worry about the other parts then. _I just want to be with you."_ Alex's analyses a puppy dog eyed Piper and with a light sigh, she melts away onto the cold tiles, getting pulled by Piper's strong tide that is dragging her closer with every second that passes. The constant admiration is something that Alex unconsciously does. She can't help herself. The woman that lays in front of her is all that she ever needed and all that she ever wants.

"You're amazing Piper"

Piper shakes her head just enough for Alex to notice. "You're amazing"

Alex responds with a smile and with a quick glance up at the clock hung upon the wall, she races to the bathroom, frantically beginning her morning routine.

Piper lays alone listening to the various noises that escape the bathroom. Bangs and bashes of beauty appliances and the rushing of the faucet. It makes her laugh. The kind of laugh that makes a person stop and think about how undeniably happy they are.

Piper decides to walk to the source of the ruckus. Step after step, her intentions become clearer. Her heartbeat begins to pound violently, and her palms begin to sweat. Her actions aren't a product of recklessness or spontaneous outbursts, but they are meticulously thought out intentions that have been on Piper's mind for months. It's been eating her alive. She can feel the crawling sensation even as she walks, and this only further solidifies what she is about to do.

Alex is startled by Piper's appearance in the reflection of the mirror while she applies her eyeliner with an abnormal precision.

"Hey Al?" In nothing more than her undergarments, Piper presses her body up against the back of Alex's as she continues her attempt to get ready. She wraps her arms around her waist, making sure to trickle down the contours of Alex's torso with her hands in the process.

"Piper, I'm trying to get ready." Although amused and slightly aroused by Piper's actions, Alex's irritation levels start increasing as it becomes harder and harder for her to stay focused.

"I know, but just look at me for a second." Piper assists in Alex's rotation by letting her hands lower from Alex's waist.

" _What Piper_?"

"I love you. You know that right?"

"Of course I do Piper, but I don't have time to have a 'who loves who more' contest right now."

"Do you want to be with me forever?"

"What?"

"I said, do you want to be with me forever?"

"Why are you asking stupid questions? Of course I do. I love you."

" _Will you marry me Alex_?"

Piper stands there, waiting for a verbal reaction. Waiting for a word. A yes or a no to fall out of Alex's mouth. The seconds feel like hours and the wait is more torturous than Piper could have ever imagined. Their lives have been shifted and moulded into all different angles and canyons, and yet still after all this time, they love each other even more than either one of them could ever hope for. Piper knows that. But Piper wants their relationship to be set in stone and marriage is intentionally meant to be forever. A union of two people. There's nothing that Piper wants more than to marry the love of her life.

The woman she carried drug money for.

The woman she has so many memories with.

The woman she ended her relationship with Larry for.

The woman she travelled the world with.

The woman she never stopped loving even after all these years.

All of the free falling through life has come down to this one question and this one answer.

" _Yes_ "


End file.
